mortensorchid Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 THis is a rather strange discussion that I got into with a long time friend of mine today. She said she wanted to introduce me to someone, as in fix me up with someone. I said ok sure, she shows me the guy's picture. He's black. I said thanks but I don't date outside my race. She said I was racist to say that and forget it because he's not racist. I said not true, I don't think that not wanting to date / marry someone outside of your race makes a person racist. She said you do know that offends me because I am Latino and her husband is white, and her kids are mixed race. I said if that's how she wants to live, so be it, but I realize that's not what I want. I'm curious, how do others think? I for one do not feel that I am racist for only wanting to date men in my race. I have met plenty of people from all walks of life from other races who say they only want to date in their races. I have met people from all walks of life who have dated outside their races. Each have their reasons. And of course I know this is a very complicated topic, but what do others think on this? I think I am more concerned about my friendship with her now.
still_an_Angel Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 um you just flat out said no to dating him because on his race. Why do you think your friend thinks you're racist? You never gave the guy a chance, one look and he's the wrong colour and you said no. Still not racist? 1
losangelena Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I personally don't have a problem dating outside my race. In fact, historically speaking, the majority of the men who've shown me any interest have been non-white dudes. My BF is Indian. However, I would not automatically assume that someone who only wanted to date within their race was racist. That doesn't help you much with your friendship, I know. Hopefully it'll blow over.
HereNorThere Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Definitely not racist. Does me only liking women make me sexist or homophobic? Having an attraction or preference for a certain type of person doesn't make you racist. However, why in the freakin world would you actually say it the way you said it? You probably could have used a little more tact when stating your your preference.
smackie9 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 It's a matter of preference, not being racist. ....your friend is an idiot. 1
smackie9 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Definitely not racist. Does me only liking women make me sexist or homophobic? Having an attraction or preference for a certain type of person doesn't make you racist. However, why in the freakin world would you actually say it the way you said it? You probably could have used a little more tact when stating your your preference. Ya go back and tell your friend that you were not trying to "offend her" her and say that are not "attracted" to anyone other than Caucasian men. If she still calling you a racist, then she is still an idiot and needs to get off her soapbox.
down hearted Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) I think everyone has their preference, its your choice who you want to be with no one should judge you based on what your likes and wants are. I have a friend who is black and rather date guys who are white she is just more attracted to them, same as one of my coworkers he only dates white women and he is black. I feel like to each their own. The race card is so easily thrown around, but its your choice who you want to date and what your taste is, you like what you like, i don't see why you should be labeled anything its your personal preference. Edited August 6, 2015 by down hearted
Author mortensorchid Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 um you just flat out said no to dating him because on his race. Why do you think your friend thinks you're racist? You never gave the guy a chance, one look and he's the wrong colour and you said no. Still not racist? Well like I said, this is a very complicated topic to discuss of course. It's not just me. I heard a black guy tell me that he only dates black women, does that make him racist? It doesn't. I'm a white person and if I said I only want to date white men. No pun intended, but I am a very black and white person aka verbal. I do or do not, there is no in between. I look at a man outside of my race and I feel no spark for him. I've had plenty of people do their classic reverse racism on me, not liking me because I am white. And that's fine on their part. Not fine for me because I am one of those people who can't do and say whatever they want and get away with it.
yxalitis Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 And I'm sorry, but basing your decision to date a guy based solely on his race is the VERY DEFINITION OF RACIST! Jesus, read a dictionary once in a while!
D.Mc. Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hi Mortensorchid, People date each other because of "attractiveness". People want to date those who have looks (physical/facial) that appeal to them. If black men don't appeal to you, they don't appeal to you & it's ok. However, your friend is offended because you specifically told her you only date your own race. She might have been less offended if you phrased it like "oh...I'm sorry he's just not what I'm attracted to". Of course that leads to the followup questions of "so what are you attracted to?". At that point you could've described someone w/blond hair & blue eyes & she would have gotten the message much less bluntly than you gave it to her. I'm sorry, but there's no other way to repair the friendship than simply letting her know that you have a "type" & black men don't fit it. We all have a type & her type turned out to be white & her husband's type turned out to be Hispanic. That's THEM...you have to worry about YOU. Good luck & I hope this doesn't ruin a good friendship. (Did you know her spouse was white? Perhaps you can ask her what her family thought, especially the elder relatives & was he the first white guy she ever dated, or even more interesting was he the first white ever married into the family? Sometimes discussing their own history will give people a different perspective on someone else's viewpoint). 1
carhill Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 OP, I think your dating preferences are fine. If you don't want to date black people, you don't. I ran into this, ironically, when asking some black women on dates. They, like you, expressed their preference to not date outside of the black race. I don't know if that was true or they simply didn't want to date me but no matter; they were entitled to their preference and choice and I didn't consider them racist for expressing it.
HereNorThere Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 And I'm sorry, but basing your decision to date a guy based solely on his race is the VERY DEFINITION OF RACIST! Jesus, read a dictionary once in a while! She's not attracted to black men. She never said that it's okay to own one or they need to use a different drinking fountain. 3
jay1983 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 No you're not racist. 90% of white women are just like you. Otherwise we'd see a lot more interracial couples. It really sucks for us men of color, but hey, that's the way it is. 1
jen1447 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I always assumed racism was an irrational hatred or prejudice against a given race, not an indifference toward them. 4
LoveMachine67 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) I make it a point to NEVER date a woman of ANY color that wouldn't date me! No you are not racist either! Edited August 6, 2015 by LoveMachine67 1
gaius Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 She should shut up since she's married to a white guy. Her being Hispanic has nothing to do with anything. 3
ascendotum Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) I personally don't have a problem dating outside my race. In fact, historically speaking, the majority of the men who've shown me any interest have been non-white dudes. My BF is Indian. However, I would not automatically assume that someone who only wanted to date within their race was racist. That's my attitude as well. There are a lot of people out there that only exclusively date within their race (or even culture) but would resent being called a racist because of that. Half of my gfs have been ethnic so I have no problem with interracial dating myself. A woman that say sleeps with black dudes on the down low but who would never have one as a bf in public (and vise versa for the guy) I would say there is more of a case for them being racist. Edited August 6, 2015 by ascendotum
jay1983 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 She should shut up since she's married to a white guy. Her being Hispanic has nothing to do with anything. That's actually really typical. You have no idea how much I ran into that when I did OLD. Hispanic and Asian women who flat out wrote on their profile that they only date white men. 2
Candice Luna Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I agree with the others who suggest you reword how you told her that in a less abrasive way. "I'm only attracted to white guys" would have been a good answer. But you included the word "race", so it rubbed her the wrong way. And no, I don't think your preference is being racist at all.
lana-banana Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 "I tend to find men of my race more attractive" is one thing. But flat-out refusing to even meet someone explicitly because of their race does seem kinda bigoted. How do you know what they're like? What are you using to inform your judgments that you don't want to be with them? I have preferences in terms of age, weight, looks, ethnicity, etc, but have also dated outside these preferences when I've found someone special.
SugarLips72 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Who cares what your friend thinks. I do not date AA men either. Zero attraction to that race. People need to stop making dating politically correct. 1
kilgore Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Who cares what your friend thinks. I do not date AA men either. Zero attraction to that race. People need to stop making dating politically correct. when i was dating i tended not to date women i found unattractive 1
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