I broke his heart, did NC for 13 days then we got back together and now he's doing it

[too_risky]

ok so I need some advice, long story short, my original post is in the second chances forum. I broke up with my best friend and love of my life of 3 years about 2 months ago because I felt like I was holding him back because of serious issues I had at the time. I asked him then not to contact me at all etc. We went 13 days before I couldn't stand it anymore, he never contacted me in that time. I contacted him on the 13th day because I wanted to work things out. We talked about it, etc....things went well for a little while then bam, out of the blue, 14 days ago he tells me there is someone who is "interested in him" and for me not to contact him anymore. He will contact me "in time" thru email. This man worshipped the ground I walked on. He loved me to no end and told me he was truly devestated when I left him. I know he adored me, he showed me everyday. I know I was wrong and that I broke his heart. I was a fool, I admit that but I had my reasons. Nonetheless, I need some advice. If this man adores me like I know he did, if he loves me so very much, then how could he be over me that quickly? Wouldn't he want to work things out if he honestly loves me? Or is he just punishing me for hurting him? Will he come back? I was destroyed when he told me not to contact him anymore. Is he just doing this to get back at me? Has his heart grieved over me already and moved on? He's only known this girl for about 3 weeks. What is happening? What do I do? I have respected his request for no contact in the last 14 days except for 6 days ago when I left him a message but he never returned the call. I am soooooooo confused!!!! Advice?

[loveisallaround]

I can assure you that he's not over you - after a three year relationship (or three months, one year, ten years - depends how deep you went) somebody doesn't just get on with it that fast.

 

In this case it sounds like he's doing the typical rebound thing or trying to get you all riled up. Or perhaps both.

 

And while telling you about somebody whos "interested" maybe an immature game, the no contact thing is absolutely in the right. I know thats not what you want to hear, but NC is what most have to do to heal and move on. And thats what he's doing - he needs some time to himself.

 

He still loves you and most likely misses you. However it sounds like he's trying to get on with things. He may return or may not - don't be concerned with that. Be concerned with moving on yourself. If you get back together in three months (or whatever - it's happened before) then thats what will happen. Right now, focus on yourself, what you've learned and move on.

 

Easier said then done, I know.

[too_risky]

To refer back to my earlier post in second chances forum, I did break things off with him and he didn't understand at the time why I did it. I did tell him not to contact me and then I caved and contacted him and thought that we were trying to work things out. When he told me 14 days ago that someone was "interested in him" and asked me not to contact him, I decided to explain my reasons for the original break up. I wrote him a detailed email explaining everything to him and we IM'd later that night about it. He said what I told him made sense, he understood now why I did what I did and that he needed to absorb it all. He knows I love him, I know he adored me. He wanted so much to work things out after I broke it off with him. Until this other person became interested in him. Now I'm told to have no contact. I know deep down in his heart he still loves me but maybe he's confused. I understand that. But if we have no contact, how do we work things out? Does he not want to work things out? Is he really moving on without a second chance? Did I lose him for good? Is no contact the best thing to do? We live in different states so it's not like I'll "run into him". I want him back so bad and all I want to do is call him right now. I want to drive down there and show up on his doorstep and show him that I really mean it, I really do love him and want to work it out. I feel like I'm the one who needs to prove my love to him now but how do I do that if he doesn't want contact? help help help

[LucreziaBorgia]

I know deep down in his heart he still loves me but maybe he's confused. I understand that. But if we have no contact, how do we work things out? Does he not want to work things out? Is he really moving on without a second chance? Did I lose him for good? Is no contact the best thing to do?

 

your questions and the answers to them = variables

your relationship and working it out = the equation

 

The variables don't matter if your partner has factored himself out of your equation.

 

He met someone else and asked for 'no contact', so under the circumstances and at the present time, there is no relationship to fix.

 

I want him back so bad and all I want to do is call him right now. I want to drive down there and show up on his doorstep and show him that I really mean it, I really do love him and want to work it out. I feel like I'm the one who needs to prove my love to him now but how do I do that if he doesn't want contact?

 

If you are a risk taking sort of person, there is nothing stopping you from doing this. But... I would suggest giving yourself some uninterrupted, unbiased time to really think about this before you do it.

 

If you were in the same situation, were in the process of willingly letting your love go, and were ready to move on with a great new guy you met, would you want your ex showing up on your doorstep to disrupt that when you expressly asked him to leave you alone?

[Treasa]

You broke up with him and asked him not to contact him, and then YOU couldn't take it and contacted him. I know this sounds harsh, but that really messes someone up. My boyfriend did the same thing to me, only he asked me not to contact him for a week when we broke up. After a week he contacted me, but by then I had gone through so much pain that it took MONTHS to truly get over it.

 

I really advocate people not breaking up with others unless they're willing to lose that person completely. You have to let him go. If he decides he wants to come back, he will, and then it will be YOUR choice.