dowbuild Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 After a month of sheer pain and regression back to denial stage, I sent an email to my ex, who I am on very good terms with, and declared NC. I left the ball in his court although he has made it very clear he plans to move on. I thought because I was lucky enough to have him to reach out to whenever I was feeling really bad that it would help me, but now that I have all my questions answered what is the point. Every time I get a general text from him its only a reminder of his desire to be friends and I just can't keep letting the fact that he has moved on be in my face anymore. I have to keep strong and remember, if someone wants you in their life they will come for it. I can't wait around any longer. Tomorrow is a new day where I begin moving forward and no looking back. The path to true acceptance and moving on. 2
aloneinaz Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 This is very smart on your part. You have to ACCEPT that it's over. From what I recall, this is the second time he ended it and that's all you need to know about how he feels about you. I had an ex one time that I gently ended it with. She asked if we could stay in contact to help her get through it. I said sure. She'd call or email and we'd go back and forth a couple of times a week. She did this for about a month and then realized I wasn't coming back. She then did what you did. Sent me an email and told me she's was going NC to heal and move on. I accepted it and knew it was what she needed to heal. She was an awesome person but she just didn't ring my bell in all areas. A few months later, I sent her an email to check on her and she ignored me. I left he alone and then followed up with her around 6 months later. I got ignored again. She clearly had no interest in contact w/me any longer. So, looking back at that, I think it was very smart on her part. I'm sure she healed and moved on. 1
Author dowbuild Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Thank you. This seems exactly like my situation. I keep holding onto him changing his mind but when I am able to be logical I think why would I want to beg someone into being with me after they have given up twice. 1
aloneinaz Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Thank you. This seems exactly like my situation. I keep holding onto him changing his mind but when I am able to be logical I think why would I want to beg someone into being with me after they have given up twice. Bingo! You don't and will have to accept that you will not always be a good fit for someone else and vs. versa. We've all been dumped and in most cases, we look back and are glad the R/S ended. Why? We move on to better, more compatible partners. Out of sight, out of mind and time passing is the only thing that gets people over a relationship. This includes blocking them on all social media and not hearing anything about them post break up too. 2
Author dowbuild Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 One more question aloneinaz, why does it become annoying to you as the dumper to be there for the dumpee? You were once in love and if nothing went wrong (cheating etc) they just weren't right for you, how come you want nothing to do with helping them through it? I feel like its the least that could come from the dumper if you were a great partner for two years..
aloneinaz Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 One more question aloneinaz, why does it become annoying to you as the dumper to be there for the dumpee? You were once in love and if nothing went wrong (cheating etc) they just weren't right for you, how come you want nothing to do with helping them through it? I feel like its the least that could come from the dumper if you were a great partner for two years.. If a dumper ends the relationship and then wants no further contact or disappears on the dumpee, it's probably one of these reasons- * The dumper wants to get over the R/S and heal as well. Just because they end the relationship, it doesn't mean the dumper is not also affected by it as well. They know that staying in contact w/the dumpee will hold them back from healing and from moving on to the next chapter in their lives. * Dumpers sometimes try to help the dumpee get through the break up pain but it often turns into the dumpee pleading, crying and begging for another chance. Again, when the chose to terminate the relationship, they where saying "I don't want you in my life anymore", thus, continuing to have contact with the dumpee is counter productive. Understand that older folks with a number of previous relationships under their belt understand that ending a relationship and stopping all contact, is a good thing for the dumpee. Why? Because out of sight, out of mind is the best thing for the dumpee (and dumped) to get over the end of the relationship.
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