LookAtThisPOst Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I knew a couple of men, in their 30s, 40s. I got to talking to one of them about how their relationships, as committed as they were and even ready for marriage...where one person just wanted to end things for the sake of ending things or just not wanting to be with that person anymore. My one male friend, was so into her,was totally heart broken when she called it off...no REAL reason, just wanted to end things. He was devastated...(he met her through Meetup) were together for like 2 straight years. Would go out of his way to avoid events she may be at, and luckily saw her only twice since having broken up. Said she has nothing to say to her even if he did see her again. And would never want to. Of course, the person that does the breaking up has no problem moving on..feelings totally unscathed. She's married now though....to a guy that she said she could never find herself attracted to (he was kind of on the heavy side, but knew he liked her). She dumped him, and dated the guy she is married to now...2 months later (started dating him 2 months after the break up). Took my friend forever to get over her. ANyhow...what's your take on this, especially with the shocking "switcheroo" of boy friends? Anyone know why break ups, with no reason, happen?
carhill Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Romantic relationships aren't logical. Sometimes, perhaps even trending to often, there are no logical reasons that can be listed. Some people simply don't want to associate with another person anymore. Goes on every day. I think that the earlier one gets this message and understands the fluidity of interpersonal relationship dynamics, the more successful one will be in them throughout life. 'Late bloomers', for lack of a better term, generally are perpetually behind the curve. Myself, once I let go of logic and went with the good, bad and ugly of relationships, things generally improved, both in moving through them and feeling more positive about them. Essentially, learning what nearly everyone else I interacted with already knew, and felt. There is no spoon. 1
Weezy1973 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 There's always a reason. Just because someone doesn't like it or doesn't think it's enough of a reason, doesn't mean there isn't one. People change. That's a reason. 5
xxoo Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Realizing you're not in love, or no longer are in love. 1
crederer Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 The ol' GIGS syndrome. The flair wears off in long term relationships and then people think "it must not be the right one because my head doesnt explode in their presence any more, and if they were the right one my heart would still blast off into outer space".
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 The ol' GIGS syndrome. The flair wears off in long term relationships and then people think "it must not be the right one because my head doesnt explode in their presence any more, and if they were the right one my heart would still blast off into outer space". Yeah, I had another male friend of mine, met this woman at a swing dancing venue. (They all knew how to dance professionally, not experts, but enough). They were friends for a year, then dated for 6 months. Her house was only about 30 min drive away and as soon as he got off work on Fri. he'd head over to stay the weekend and leave Sunday night. Well, eventually she was wanting him to come say Saturday afternoon and leave Sunday evening. There were also times, even though it wasn't her turn to have her kids, she'd still wanted to spend time with them...so with the permission of her ex-husband, they'd stay an extra weekend...and told my friend she wanted to spend extra quality time with her kids (of course, with him not included). This eventually transitioned her into calling things off. Even though this was years ago, he does talk about it...but it's depressing to him to talk about it. It almost has a PTSD effect.
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 There is ALWAYS a reason. Seems to me, this is a common complaint from some men. Men split up relationships for REAL reasons. She was cheating, she was crazy mad, she was a BPD, NPD, she was not giving me sex/intimacy/affection, she was too lazy, she got too fat, etc. But women it appears, split up with men for NO reason whatsoever... or it was GIGS *nods knowingly* 2
xxoo Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Sometimes the grass is dead. Things may look fine on the surface--no fights, no drama--but also no feelings, no love. 2
Buck Turgidson Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) My one male friend, was so into her,was totally heart broken when she called it off...no REAL reason, just wanted to end things. Far from not being a "REAL" reason (whatever that means), "Wanting to end things" is the one and only legitimate reason for breaking up. Just because you've been in a relationship with someone for two years doesn't obligate you to remain in it forever contrary to your desires. Maybe you obligate yourself by getting married (that's what marriage is), but that's not what happened here. Edited August 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SycamoreCircle Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Sometimes the grass is dead. Things may look fine on the surface--no fights, no drama--but also no feelings, no love.I agree, but love ebbs and flows. It is the natural order of love to diminish, only to return stronger. It requires maturity to stick around, though.
xxoo Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I agree, but love ebbs and flows. It is the natural order of love to diminish, only to return stronger. It requires maturity to stick around, though. Yes, but I also speak from the perpective of someone married 20 years. It has ebbed and flowed, but it never died. It never got close. If the feelings are dead by month 6, it's just not a match. The grass truly is greener somewhere else. 1
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 I agree, but love ebbs and flows. It is the natural order of love to diminish, only to return stronger. It requires maturity to stick around, though. Right. I knew of a female friend that says she doesn't typically "date" , at least by her definition as she's aware everyone tends to "throw away" their mates from a few months to a couple of years. She is aware that society is big on disposable relationships and refuses to be a part of it. That's why she's been Unattached (meaning without a boyfriend) 11 years since her 22 year divorce. She says people just jump into relationships so quickly and they end just as fast and she doesn't want that. She is rather old-fashioned, and having had parents that have been together until death. So she is a product of her environment.
hotpotato Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 A guy broke up with me for no apparent c reason then went out with someone who apparently was not his type. Thats life. Im sure he had his reasons, but instead of trying to fix things he just left. Really i should have dumped him bc i was doing all the work. Ive figured out that relationships dont work like most other things in life...
minimariah Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Anyone know why break ups, with no reason, happen? i'm always "suspicious" when folks move on fast & easy - so in your friend's situation... i think he got dumped for this other dude. that's probably the reason. 1
hotpotato Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 i'm always "suspicious" when folks move on fast & easy - so in your friend's situation... i think he got dumped for this other dude. that's probably the reason. Bingo. Whenever feelings change that fast, theres probably another person involved. I bet she also became less and less available around the time of the breakup...
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