HereNorThere Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 (edited) As a male, you gotta understand what a mindf*ck this thread is. It's things like this that spawn the more misogynistic, frustrated male threads about women around here. We get reamed for only being interested in sex and chastized for not taking a genuine interest in women are as people. Their likes and dislikes, HOBBIES, etc. Then we do make a genuine effort to get to know you as a person and BAM, now we're creepers asking interview questions. The problem isn't a guy asking you about hobbies.. Oh know, that's not even close to the problem. The problem is that your core, you don't feel comfortable with who you are so the second you feel some sort of social anxiety or dissonance, you make a victim out of whoever made you feel that way. Shame on you. This guy took the time to take a genuine interest in you and look for ways to connect with you on a less superficial level. It's too bad you couldn't handle looking at yourself in the mirror long enough to actually put yourself out there and connect with him because he actually sounds like a decent guy. Until you can love you, "hobbies" and all, stop blaming other people for your own weird social anxiety. It's not fair to anyone and you're probably messing up some good people and making them needlessly question themselves. Dating is a cruel, hard world and you have to really believe in yourself. People can tell when you really don't. And the worst of those people, will use it against you and take advantage by playing off of your insecurity. What hobbies do like ... sheesh, give me a freakin break over here. Unreal. Hope he doesn't ask what kind of music you like next or something creeptastic like that. Edited August 9, 2015 by HereNorThere 4
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 You are absolutely overthinking this. Anyone who had such an issue with an innocent question is leaning toward anti-social which should be a red flag for your date. Even if the only thing you like to do is something boring like TV, you should get comfortable with it and be able to say what you like and why. If you don't like yourself there is only so long you are going to be able to hide that. Maybe this is a sign to you to get interest in life (besides dating). I get that you don't like that dating is a process of potentially being judged. But it is, and the sooner you accept that, the more you will be able to move forward. Who you are will work for some, not for others and vice versa. Sometimes it's for good reason, sometimes it's for an pretty arbitrary reason or unreasonable reason. Point is: you can't control it or escape it. That is dating. Best way to combat this is just be your best self, be confident in who you are and don't try to hide it and let the chips fall where they may. 3
kendahke Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 You know what my hobby is? I paint fantasy miniatures dragons, demons, monsters. I've been doing it, on and off, since I was 18, it's not going away. (This is one of mine: CoolMiniOrNot - Heresy Dragon by yxalitis ) I don't avoid talking about it, or mentioning it. IF they react negatively "oh, so you're in touch with your inner child" is a classic actual comment, I put that down as a red flag, not a deal breaker, but I'm not interested in judgemental people. Mostly I get a positive reaction because I am quite good at it, and it's very unusual. Moral of the story: Don't be afraid of who you are. Those are really good. 1
kendahke Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 OP--I'm seriously wondering if it's a good idea at all for you to date. Everything spooks you into taking things to the extreme. 2
JC4 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I play with Legos and I'm 52. Also birdwatching (we prefer to call it birding). Everyone I care about knows both of the above and in fact join in with me at times. Nothing wrong with painting fantasy figurines. I have discontinued dating a girl on at least one occasion based almost solely on the fact that she did not enjoy my Lego collection (which, by the way, is awesome). 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I HATE small talk. This question is just one of many that happen within OLD first meets. My ideal first OLD or date has no questions. We just exchange stories and observations and natural tangents go off there with almost no need to resort to small talk. That's how I tell if I click with someone friendship or dating wise. 2
JC4 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I don't know about embarrassed, but he might think my hobbies are cheesy and not interesting enough, therefore he will not want to see me anymore because of it. Why would you want to continue to see him if he doesn't respect your hobbies? 2
Gaeta Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I HATE small talk. This question is just one of many that happen within OLD first meets. My ideal first OLD or date has no questions. We just exchange stories and observations and natural tangents go off there with almost no need to resort to small talk. That's how I tell if I click with someone friendship or dating wise. Then on 2nd or 3rd date you discover he grows pot in his basement as hobby. 5
Hawaii51 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I HATE small talk. This question is just one of many that happen within OLD first meets. My ideal first OLD or date has no questions. We just exchange stories and observations and natural tangents go off there with almost no need to resort to small talk. That's how I tell if I click with someone friendship or dating wise. I agree to most extents, it should happen naturally. But direct questions shouldn't be shunned or exacerbated either. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I HATE small talk. This question is just one of many that happen within OLD first meets. My ideal first OLD or date has no questions. We just exchange stories and observations and natural tangents go off there with almost no need to resort to small talk. That's how I tell if I click with someone friendship or dating wise. Huh? Maybe I'm interpreting you incorrectly but so you make small talk about stuff happening within the date sounds like. Or tell stories from your past which never hint at what you enjoy doing nor involve the other person? What do you say if someone dares ask you a question? I'm being sarcastic. What you are doing sounds fine and just another way of expressing yourself though I'm not sure you can control how the other person will handle his half of the date. Kinda as superficial though as the questions one asks or may ask. I can appreciate what you do as do most of us, I'm sure. I like taking the tangents. I think what we are trying to say to OP is that she overthinks it. I think she at least needs to try a base level dating before she gets more "advanced".
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Also what I would say to OP is if you feel like you are being interviewed, then don't let it happen. You are a participant in the conversation. Just switch things up. Maybe the guys is asking interview style questions because he is nervous or you are sitting there like a bump on a log. Participate. Make it more fun, more flowy. I think a girl has a responsibility to be equally entertaining and charming. So if the date takes a boring turn or feels like an interview, don't just blame him. Basically, you can turn that sh*t around to some extent. 2
sandylee1 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 My date asked me what I do in my spare time and what do I do when I'm not working. I feel like these are interview questions, being put on the spot... How does someone get to know you if you can't answer basic questions. The response should come naturally and it's a sign your date is showing an interest in you. 1
HereNorThere Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 You'll be wishing for interview guy when you meet up with Internet creep guy and he sexts you a picture of his wang during the dinner or something creepy like that. 4
katiegrl Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Also what I would say to OP is if you feel like you are being interviewed, then don't let it happen. You are a participant in the conversation. Just switch things up. Maybe the guys is asking interview style questions because he is nervous or you are sitting there like a bump on a log. ***Participate.*** Make it more fun, more flowy. I think a girl has a responsibility to be equally entertaining and charming. So if the date takes a boring turn or feels like an interview, don't just blame him. Basically, you can turn that sh*t around to some extent. Well.....if she participates on her dates the way she is participating on this thread, then clearly she's got some issues there. It appears we are all discussing this amongst ourselves. Bobbi, if you are even reading this thread anymore, how was your date last night (or was it Friday night?). Did you go dancing and then back to your place like he suggested? 2
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Well.....if she participates on her dates the way she is participating on this thread, then clearly she's got some issues there. It appears we are all discussing this amongst ourselves. Bobbi, if you are even reading this thread anymore, how was your date last night (or was it Friday night?). Did you go dancing and then back to your place like he suggested? Yeah, we had our date on Friday night. First, he came over to my place and we hung out before hitting the club. He paid for everything. Then, we went back to my place and he spent the night. We cuddled, then we went out to get some breakfast, he again paid for everything and once again he asked me if I wanted to go with him and his friends to a convention, but since I was hung over from all the drinking, I didn't go. He contacted me today and we watched a movie at his place. This is like the 3rd time he suggested I go with him and his friends. 1
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 So, its like the "4th date" with this guy-I just got back from his place watching a movie and when it was time for me to leave we kissed, and he didn't tell me anything that he was going to contact me to see me again this week or the weekend. Now, when I saw him on Friday/Saturday, he was suggested dinner sometime during the weekday and even mentioned reserving a Saturday where we can spend the day together...the "future plans." Now, when I left his place and didn't mention anything about seeing me again. Am I overthinking this? I'm not going to initiate contact whatsoever this week.
madjac74 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 yep! You are overthinking the whole situation. Many people caught up in the moment of a new relationship make extravagant plans that they can't realistically keep.
mrldii Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 It's "bad" for any guy I'm having a 4th date with if he thinks I'm going to be available when he gets around to asking me out again. But, that's because I'm one of the dreaded multi-daters, so typically if a guy's interested in seeing me again any time soon, he's locking it up before we part from the date we're on. While being someone who only dates one person at a time can have its advantages, this is one of the potential pitfalls: he knows you're not dating anyone else, so of course you're available to see him when and if he wants to see you. Best of luck to you...I hope he calls soon, 'cuz it looks like you'd like him to...
Lansing Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I see amidst are merging your threads. To be honest you haven't listened to any advice from these forums so why bother asking more and more questions? If you want different results maybe act differently.. I don't know how to put it nicely but him paying for you/everything doesn't make him the perfect catch. Maybe he is really interested in you but you have too much anxiety about the whole thing (you ever read any articles on "anxiety attachment".. If not you should) 3
Versacehottie Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I would just like to give you two tips that again it is not bad that he wants you to come and meet his friends. Since has asked repeatedly, it's obviously something he's interested in and relatively important to him. If you keep saying no, it's not really cool. And secondly, you shouldn't be getting wasted or hungover from your date nights. Also doesn't show that you are gf material. Sometimes I think you are pulling our legs!! And can't tell if you are an older loner cat lady or a 20 year old inexperienced dater. Make sure you are not giving off either of those impressions. Nothing to do with age, it's the timidness and cluelessness, lack of other interests and some level of confidence. Good luck 1
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 As far as hobbies go, mine aren't all that interesting, so now I'm thinking about getting some new hobbies, I mean walking a mile and doing Zumba class isn't something you can call a hobby, neither is watching tv.
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 As far as hobbies go, mine aren't all that interesting, so now I'm thinking about getting some new hobbies, I mean walking a mile and doing Zumba class isn't something you can call a hobby, neither is watching tv. I hope you mean to get new hobbies for yourself and not to get a man because a man doesn't care what your hobbies are, a man just wants a well rounded person with her own interests, no matter those interests. 2
guest569 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Wow, OP ain't the only one overthinking this. It's just a basic question to get to now someone and generate further topics of discussion.
katinlc Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 As far as hobbies go, mine aren't all that interesting, so now I'm thinking about getting some new hobbies, I mean walking a mile and doing Zumba class isn't something you can call a hobby, neither is watching tv. Ummm...Zumba can definitely be a hobby. When I was online dating I was really into exercise classes, lots of Zumba, step, & spin. It was my main hobby at the time as I did it 6 days a week. I was never embarrassed to say that was my hobby and most guys liked that I exercised and that my hobby was productive... My other hobby was couponing and I did keep that to myself Though my husband loves all the money I save with it now and is amazed by all the free stuff.
Recommended Posts