GemmaUK Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 No. they're normal questions. Do they feel uncomfortable to you? If they do, why? 4
Satu Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 My date asked me what I do in my spare time and what do I do when I'm not working. I feel like these are interview questions, being put on the spot... Its hard to imagine a more innocuous question... Favourite colour? 3
katiegrl Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Its hard to imagine a more innocuous question... Favourite colour? I am wondering what type of guys she's dating previously ....who never asked these very normal and typical questions. I mean, she seems quite shocked by these questions ..... like it's the first time a man ever asked. Bobbi, what have your previous relationships been like? All about sex perhaps? Why are you so put off? Do you not have a life.... or do you have a fear of being close emotionally to a man? We know you have no problem responding sexually .....but what about emotionally? I hope you respond, unless you are so off put by these questions, you don't want to answer them either. But we can't help you unless you do answer .... it's up to you. 4
RoseVille Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Like the previous said, those questions are normal and would only be considered intrusive and like *interview* questions if the person answering had no life outside of work, had no outside interests and did nothing in their spare time. Since they have nothing to say in response, they're embarrassed, feel like they were being "put on the spot" and resent their date for even asking! Is this you Bobbi? Is that why you find them intrusive? If a person has a busy life, lots of interests and interesting things they do in their spare time, they would welcome those questions, and would love sharing what they do with their date. It's called "wanting to get to know you." What sort of questions would you prefer? I asked a guy I was dating this same question a month in, because I didn't know. His interests, hobbies, what he does in his spare time, somehow never made its way into a conversation. So I asked. To say his reaction was defensive would be an understatement. His body language even changed. I asked politely, out of curiosity, and he was immediately on edge. Turns out the guy has no life, does literally nothing in his spare time. 7
katiegrl Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I asked a guy I was dating this same question a month in, because I didn't know. His interests, hobbies, what he does in his spare time, somehow never made its way into a conversation. So I asked. To say his reaction was defensive would be an understatement. His body language even changed. I asked politely, out of curiosity, and he was immediately on edge. Turns out the guy has no life, does literally nothing in his spare time. Did you create a thread about this? I recall reading something similar, if not identical, to what you experienced with your guy.
RoseVille Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Did you create a thread about this? I recall reading something similar, if not identical, to what you experienced with your guy. I discussed it at the end of a thread about how often to see someone you're just starting to date. Nicest guy ever, but... unbelievably boring.
katiegrl Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 I discussed it at the end of a thread about how often to see someone you're just starting to date. Nicest guy ever, but... unbelievably boring. Yeah I remember! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Bobbi, is it uncomfortable to you because you're embarrassed of the answers? 4
guest569 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 You either have some really bizarre hobbies or none at all and are worried he will judge you as boring? 2
xcupid Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 My date asked me what I do in my spare time and what do I do when I'm not working. I feel like these are interview questions, being put on the spot... Interview questions? Being put on the spot? Come on, really?!? The guy is trying to get to know you and trying to make conversation. Give him a break. What type of questions do you expect him to ask? 3
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 This is one of the most normal questions and it's a great way to get to know someone and let someone know about who you are. As much as people have a right to know anything on a date, this would be up there. Well presumed you would want to talk about it, ask him about his free time. I mean, without knowing, the two of you could be very, very different people with very, very different interests. I guess someone who had an interview type dating style (blech!), could ask this same question in an interview type way where it would be offensive for tone but not content. Get it? Presume you will be asked a version this on virtually every date you go on. 1
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Posted August 9, 2015 Bobbi, is it uncomfortable to you because you're embarrassed of the answers? I don't know about embarrassed, but he might think my hobbies are cheesy and not interesting enough, therefore he will not want to see me anymore because of it. 1
MrMeh Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I don't know about embarrassed, but he might think my hobbies are cheesy and not interesting enough, therefore he will not want to see me anymore because of it. Haha. That's what dating is about - trying to find somebody that interests you. 3
Snakechammah Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Don't worry... if he is really really attracted to you, even if your hobby is collecting boogers in a jar, he will still think that's cute! ...... or he'll run screaming. Either way, don't be embarrassed of who you are.
SoleMate Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 he might think my hobbies are cheesy and not interesting enough, therefore he will not want to see me anymore because of it. Two thoughts here: 1. It's very hard to have a normal relationship and also hide your hobbies, so it would make sense to start getting comfortable letting people know your hobbies 2. If your hobbies are truly embarrassing to you, then I would consider working to change them, or at least add 1 hobby or pastime that you both like and are willing to admit to other people 4
yxalitis Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 You know what my hobby is? I paint fantasy miniatures dragons, demons, monsters. I've been doing it, on and off, since I was 18, it's not going away. (This is one of mine: http://www.coolminiornot.com/301409 ) I don't avoid talking about it, or mentioning it. IF they react negatively "oh, so you're in touch with your inner child" is a classic actual comment, I put that down as a red flag, not a deal breaker, but I'm not interested in judgemental people. Mostly I get a positive reaction because I am quite good at it, and it's very unusual. Moral of the story: Don't be afraid of who you are. 7
SoleMate Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I play with Legos and I'm 52. Also birdwatching (we prefer to call it birding). Everyone I care about knows both of the above and in fact join in with me at times. Nothing wrong with painting fantasy figurines. 3
Satu Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 Snip Mostly I get a positive reaction because I am quite good at it, and it's very unusual. Moral of the story: Don't be afraid of who you are. You're very good at it. That's beautifully done. 1
Hawaii51 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 My date asked me what I do in my spare time and what do I do when I'm not working. I feel like these are interview questions, being put on the spot... How is that too much?! she/he's asking you what you do in your spare time, they're trying to get to know you- How crazy is that?! The only reasons you're uncomfortable is that you have little to share. Anyone who enjoys life would love to share things about their passion- if not the passion itself. Amazing the perception out in the dating world. 1
wb1988 Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 My date asked me what I do in my spare time and what do I do when I'm not working. I feel like these are interview questions, being put on the spot... I don't like them either; they're way too direct, seem forced and give off a analytical vibe.
HereNorThere Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 You are soooo overthinking this. It's called small talk and I hate it just as much as you do. Ugh, every time my co-workers ask about my family or something else I know they really don't care about. Get used it. Most of the time people just use small talk as a way to distract from awkward silence. Just make up some stuff and move on. Seriously, no one cares about your hobbies. I've never heard one single guy turn a girl cause he didn't like her hobbies. Srsly 2
katiegrl Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I don't like them either; they're way too direct, seem forced and give off a analytical vibe. For me, it's not the questions but the way in which those questions are asked. If they are asked in a contrived way, like he has a list of questions he asks all his dates (like he is *interviewing* me), THAT would turn me off. But not the questions themselves. I love to be open and share my hobbies, etc. and as such would welcome those questions. And ask the same of him as well! Again, it's called getting to know each other.. :bunny:
Clarity4us Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I think if those questions make you uncomfortable then maybe you should not be dating. I am just saying it is normal to want to know what your interests and hobbies are why are you looking at it as an interrogation.Maybe you should just work on you for now, it doesn't appear to me that dating is a good idea, if the person is getting under your skin for asking what you do in your spare time?? That bothers you? Maybe you need a more comfortable environment or something. I really don't know why your life is so personal but you will share it with thousands of people on here. I feel like you are interrogating me right now! asking me this question...lol sorry but lighten up dating should be fun. 2
LoveRefreshed Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 In some regards, Bobbi I understand. It does come off very interview like! "What do you like to do in your free time?" is rather innocuous, BUT interviewy none the less and lame as ****. Feels rather impersonal and generic. The same question can be made a lot more conversational and personal. Why not "I am totallllly into blah blah blah! What do you think about it? Are you into that?... No you say? Well what do you prefer to do when the ominous storm clouds are rollin' in and you've got no work to do?"
Gaeta Posted August 9, 2015 Posted August 9, 2015 I don't know about embarrassed, but he might think my hobbies are cheesy and not interesting enough, therefore he will not want to see me anymore because of it. You fail to understand the purpose of the question. He doesn't want to know if your hobbies are interesting. He wants to know if you have any hobby at all. He wants to know if you have interests in life and if you explore them. It doesn't matter if he likes them or not. I met this guy once who's hobby is remote-cars. I have NO interest AT ALL in remote-cars and spending my sunny afternoons in gravel pits playing with remote cars BUT I still thought this guy was pretty cool because A) he had a hobby B) he was passionate about his hobby C) He had interests other than sitting on his couch. 6
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