Bobbi7 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I had a great 2nd date last weekend, when it was time for me to leave his place, he asked me if I was free this weekend and I told him yes. He didn't say any "specific" plans as to what he had in mind. He just said that he wants to check out my place. He contacted me on Sunday and asked how I was doing, then he texted me this funny meme yesterday. Its Wednesday and I haven't heard from him, and when I was at his place last weekend he asked what I was doing in the next couple of weeks and asked me if I wanted to hang out...So, if a guy doesn't make clear, specific plans, does that mean there is no plans to see each other at all? In the other post, someone said that I shouldn't even bring up the subject of this weekend, I sure as hell don't want to look desperate or clingy.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Time and a place constitutes plans. Sounds like you have neither. To some people you might seem desperate and clingy if you contact him to solidify things. To others you might seem assertive and self-assured if you call and ask him for definitive plans. How about you stop trying to seem things to people and just be yourself? 1
katiegrl Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 (edited) Time and a place constitutes plans. Sounds like you have neither. To some people you might seem desperate and clingy if you contact him to solidify things. To others you might seem assertive and self-assured if you call and ask him for definitive plans. How about you stop trying to seem things to people and just be yourself? LOL, no, bless her heart but "being herself" is what gets her into trouble. That's why she's here. To learn new ways of interacting with men so she doesn't over-think, become anxious and needy.... and becomes smarter about how she chooses to date. Bobbi, if it were me, I would give him until tomorrow and if you don't hear anything, make other plans for the weekend. And re-think whether or not you wish to date him at all. I say that only because I don't like that he suggested getting together with you this weekend....and then blew if off. Not that he's done that yet....give him another day. Edited August 5, 2015 by katiegrl 3
mrldii Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 ...Its Wednesday and I haven't heard from him... If a guy I'm dating asks me if I "want to get together next weekend", he's got through Wednesday (at the latest) to tie me down. It is guaranteed if he calls me on Thursday (or later) to firm up loosey-goosey plans for the weekend, I am already busy doing something else, "as I never heard from you, so I assumed you'd made other plans. Sorry." Then, if need be, I will dye my hair twice, take all my neighbors' dogs for walks around the park one at a time, and paint and repaint my nails five times to ensure that I AM "busy" all that day and the next. They only do it the one time, guaranteed. Which is all I wanted: for him to respect and appreciate when I set aside time to be with him...just as he would like me to respect and appreciate the time he sets aside to spend with me. Best of luck to you, OP... 3
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 LOL, no, bless her heart but "being herself" is what gets her into trouble. That's why she's here. To learn new ways of interacting with men so she doesn't over-think, become anxious and needy.... and becomes smarter about how she chooses to date. Bobbi, if it were me, I would give him until tomorrow and if you don't hear anything, make other plans for the weekend. And re-think whether or not you wish to date him at all. I say that only because I don't like that he suggested getting together with you this weekend....and then blew if off. Not that he's done that yet....give him another day. Yeah, I'll give him another day or 2! The ball is in his court. I have such bad anxiety over these kind of things...I can't tell the number of times when I contacted a guy in the early stages of dating only to look like a fool when the guy "kindly" rejected me. Not a good feeling.
scorpiogirl Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 He doesn't need to confirm plans because you've already slept with him and his next suggested location for your third date is your place. If you're going to post here looking for advice, then take it. If he hasn't confirmed by Wednesday then there is no date. But now you're going to give him a day or two. That's Friday- weekend. Seriously. 1
katiegrl Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) He doesn't need to confirm plans because you've already slept with him and his next suggested location for your third date is your place. If you're going to post here looking for advice, then take it. If he hasn't confirmed by Wednesday then there is no date. But now you're going to give him a day or two. That's Friday- weekend. Seriously. I agree. Bobbi, if it were me I would give him until NOON tomorrow...at the LATEST -- and then it's "no thanks, I've made other plans." Definitely NOT Friday....no no no. That sends him a REALLY bad message. And if he DOES contact you...suggest something out of the house! Otherwise you risk becoming a booty call who he calls whenever he wants sex. Edited August 6, 2015 by katiegrl 3
preraph Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 P.S. "Checking out your place" isn't a date. It's a hookup. You've got to get real about this stuff. There is literally no point in worrying about what a hookup will or won't do. Hookups are a dime a dozen if that's all you want. 6
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Ok, so I just texted him an hour ago and told him, that I wasn't sore anymore, because my whole body was sore the last time we saw each other. Anyway, he responded back and asked me about what are we going to do this weekend. Looks like we have plans to go dancing and then to my place for movies. Now, was this bad that I initiated contact? I mean, I didn't ask him about the weekend or anything. Now I'm over thinking that because I texted him first something that doesn't relate to the weekend, but then he brought up the weekend. That he may just want to go out just because its "what's available" to him at the moment?
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I have always been a bit of a "Rules" girl. Wednesday is basically over & without firm plans the answer if he calls now is sorry you waited too long I made other plans. If the offer was truly amazing (1st 5 rows to see my favorite band) I might cave but anything less than that, you snooze you lose. Later in the relationship I talk to my SO & flip the rule to if you haven't told me by Wednesday that you have other plans I assume we're spending the weekend together. If you really like him, I'm a bit more direct. You can call him to see if he wants to do something (other than check out your place) this weekend. I'd phrase something like this Last weekend you mentioned getting together this weekend but I haven't heard from you. I'm happy to make other plans & I'm only reaching out because I didn't want you to be mad because I made other plans when you failed to give me concrete info.
scorpiogirl Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 It's like you don't even read your replies to the threads you start. Good luck with "dating" life. 1
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 I have always been a bit of a "Rules" girl. Wednesday is basically over & without firm plans the answer if he calls now is sorry you waited too long I made other plans. If the offer was truly amazing (1st 5 rows to see my favorite band) I might cave but anything less than that, you snooze you lose. Later in the relationship I talk to my SO & flip the rule to if you haven't told me by Wednesday that you have other plans I assume we're spending the weekend together. If you really like him, I'm a bit more direct. You can call him to see if he wants to do something (other than check out your place) this weekend. I'd phrase something like this Last weekend you mentioned getting together this weekend but I haven't heard from you. I'm happy to make other plans & I'm only reaching out because I didn't want you to be mad because I made other plans when you failed to give me concrete info. Well, I did reach out to him yesterday and initiate contact, just told him something that didn't relate to the weekend at all and then he brought up the weekend and what we are going to do. He suggested going out dancing first, then hanging out at my place afterward. I mean, if he thought of me as a "booty call" he wouldn't have suggested going out to a club/dancing, right?
katiegrl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) Well, I did reach out to him yesterday and initiate contact, just told him something that didn't relate to the weekend at all and then he brought up the weekend and what we are going to do. He suggested going out dancing first, then hanging out at my place afterward. I mean, if he thought of me as a "booty call" he wouldn't have suggested going out to a club/dancing, right? There is only one way to find out. Tell him you're not comfortable going back to your place, and suggest doing something else after dancing instead. Bobbi, with respect you need to stop being a such a marshmallow with these guys. They're gonna lose respect for you if you continue allowing them to call all the shots... I am serious. You need to grow a backkbone. Tell him you don't want to go back to your place, suggest doing something else, ...and see if he sticks around. That is the only way you're gonna know that he wants more than just your booty. And if you can't relax and are gonna become anxious questioning every little thing, for the love of all things beautiful, stop having sex with guys so soon, and wait until you feel more emotionally safe and secure with them. Edited August 7, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Gary S Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Well, she's already been to his place, it's a little late to not have him over....the cat's out of the bag. 1
katiegrl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) Well, she's already been to his place, it's a little late to not have him over....the cat's out of the bag. So what? She's not *obligated* to have him over (just cause she's been to his) ..... she's not even obligated to continue having sex with him if she doesn't want to....just cause they had sex on their last date. She's allowed to change her mind and suggest something else. I am not saying she should stop having sex with him altogether. But for their next date when he told her dancing and back to her place? Hello, of course he wants sex. Is that *all* he wants? Hard to say, but for their next date, if she tells him she would rather do something else other than back to her place (for sex), his reaction will be VERY telling. Edited August 7, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Redhead14 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I had a great 2nd date last weekend, when it was time for me to leave his place, he asked me if I was free this weekend and I told him yes. He didn't say any "specific" plans as to what he had in mind. He just said that he wants to check out my place. He contacted me on Sunday and asked how I was doing, then he texted me this funny meme yesterday. Its Wednesday and I haven't heard from him, and when I was at his place last weekend he asked what I was doing in the next couple of weeks and asked me if I wanted to hang out...So, if a guy doesn't make clear, specific plans, does that mean there is no plans to see each other at all? In the other post, someone said that I shouldn't even bring up the subject of this weekend, I sure as hell don't want to look desperate or clingy. If I guy isn't specific, you make plans as the opportunities arise for doing something else. Don't assume or mention anything. If he calls, he calls and if it's last minute, you decide whether you will go or not. I hope you are busy if he calls last minute. I wouldn't entertain a last minute date usually. And, if he calls last minute and wants to come to your place, say you have something else going on . . .
katiegrl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 If I guy isn't specific, you make plans as the opportunities arise for doing something else. Don't assume or mention anything. If he calls, he calls and if it's last minute, you decide whether you will go or not. I hope you are busy if he calls last minute. I wouldn't entertain a last minute date usually. And, if he calls last minute and wants to come to your place, say you have something else going on . . . RH, read on. She texted him (something unrelated to going out again), he responded and made specific plans with her for the weekend.
katiegrl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) So what? She's not *obligated* to have him over (just cause she's been to his) ..... she's not even obligated to continue having sex with him if she doesn't want to....just cause they had sex on their last date. She's allowed to change her mind and suggest something else. I am not saying she should stop having sex with him altogether. But for their next date when he told her dancing and back to her place? Hello, of course he wants sex. Is that *all* he wants? Hard to say, but for their next date, if she tells him she would rather do something else other than back to her place (for sex), his reaction will be VERY telling. ^^I tried to edit but was too late. bobbi, if you are uncomfortable doing what I suggested above, another suggestion would be for you to RELAX, enjoy the process of getting to know each other, stop stressing, stop-overthinking, watch his actions and how he treats you, follow your gut, and take a chance. If you get hurt, so be it, you'll get over it ....another lesson learned. And next time maybe wait a bit longer to have sex, since you appear to become very anxious and stressed afterwards whenever you have sex so soon. Keep us posted..... Edited August 7, 2015 by katiegrl
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 My date asked me what I do in my spare time and what do I do when I'm not working. I feel like these are interview questions, being put on the spot...
mrldii Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 Personally, I don't mind those types of questions on a date; they're the typical "I'd like to get to know you better" questions, as how people choose to spend their free time as opposed to how they earn their living can be very indicative of what's important to them and can speak to value-compatibility issues. Truth be told, I'm probably more bothered by those types of questions during job interviews; while I understand the purpose of them, how I spend my free time has very little bearing on whether or not I can do my job...and that IS the fundamental point of me being at an interview. Bottom line, if you don't want to/don't like answering those types of questions...don't. Best of luck to you, OP... 3
Survivor12 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 The purpose of dating is to get to know each other--likes & dislikes, hobbies & interests--and to find common ground. In some ways, it is an interview. I don't understand why you would think those questions are intrusive. 21
bp123 Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 My date asked me what I do in my spare time and what do I do when I'm not working. I feel like these are interview questions, being put on the spot... If you think those questions are uncomfortable, then what questions are you comfortable with? What questions did you ask your date? 10
hakim Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 My date asked me what I do in my spare time and what do I do when I'm not working. I feel like these are interview questions, being put on the spot... Those wouldn't bother me at all... I was expecting "How often do you wank?". 9
Fleur de cactus Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 They are normal questions, unless you have anything to hide or you wish the date would not know. 2
katiegrl Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) My date asked me what I do in my spare time and what do I do when I'm not working. I feel like these are interview questions, being put on the spot... Like the previous said, those questions are normal and would only be considered intrusive and like *interview* questions if the person answering had no life outside of work, had no outside interests and did nothing in their spare time. Since they have nothing to say in response, they're embarrassed, feel like they were being "put on the spot" and resent their date for even asking! Is this you Bobbi? Is that why you find them intrusive? If a person has a busy life, lots of interests and interesting things they do in their spare time, they would welcome those questions, and would love sharing what they do with their date. It's called "wanting to get to know you." What sort of questions would you prefer? Edited August 8, 2015 by katiegrl 8
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