highseas Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I will try to be brief: I've been "hanging out" with a girl for 2-3 times this summer. She's been out of state a few times (I know this for a fact). She's finally going to be around for a while. We've hung out once since then. I texted her 2 days ago asking if she'd like to join me for dinner sometime this week. I gave her a couple of restaurants to start and said she could pick one of her choice. Plus we could take a walk or go bowling. She texted back 2 days later (earlier today) with a long message (in the past couple of weeks she has only texted sporadically with short messages). Basically, she said: she's been busy doing a few (specific things that I omit here) and this has been a busy week and summer. She said she will "get back" to me on hanging out. She also asked how I'm doing and also said "sorry" for being late in responding because she's been camping (she likes that stuff). What do you make of this? And how and when should I respond? I have my own take but I want to hear your take first. Thanks!
Poppyolive Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 She's not interested, making excuses and being lame. Get back to you is kinda rude. Basically saying, I'll see what else is going on, if nothing I may be in touch. But don't hold your breath. If I were you, I wouldn't reply. If you're freaking out and need to reply. Respond to her question of how are you. That and that only. If she was into you she'd make a plan no matter how busy her life is. 3
Maleficent Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Usually when the word 'busy' comes up it actually means 'I don't want to make time for you so I'm just gonna say I'm busy' 4
Versacehottie Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 she is treating you equal to the priority you are in her life at the moment. Not too high. I agree that saying she would "get back to you" about your offer is a bit rude. Yes or no. No with a reschedule because she truly respects you and likes you although not at a high priority yet. Or no with I don't want to continue dating you but I have respect and want to act in a kind way. "get back to you" means she is juggling options (not necessarily other guys) and you rank lower than other things that might come up. She could have even said "can I get back to you on monday when I will have my schedule sorted out?" Pull back. Date others. Let her do the heavy lifting.
Qboro90 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Don't prioritize her or chase her with texts to see if she decided on an answer yet. She will either get back to you at a later date (doubtful) or she's just not interested. However it doesn't mean you can never ever try again. It took me 5 years of trying before my current fiancée finally agreed to go on a date with me. Granted we had hooked up here and there over the years but she just never took me seriously as BF material. (Reputation as a player etc). If you hound her that'll definitely ensure that she doesn't want you. If you play it cool and In a couple months text her with a "hey how you been, you still owe me a date you know". That could give u a shot. Otherwise move on for now. 1
Author highseas Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) Thanks for all the responses so far! I really appreciate them, even if they all paint the picture of a disinterested party. Just to reconfirm: most of you and others who haven't responded yet, would say "will get back to you" is a definite a sign of disinterest? Have you used that for someone you're interested in due to possible family or other events? I think I will respond with a short but polite text that will retain my dignity as much as possible. Tentatively I'd like to answer the "how are you?" question with a "I'm busy with this and that" (a couple of things) and put the ball in her court (as far as hanging out). And then go no contact for a while. I've been kind of chasing, but I'm done chasing. I'm growing frustrated. It's good to hear that there is a success story here and there with chasing, but she has to make the next move. And I'm sorry to say that I agree that she likely won't make the move... I don't want to go NC right now as I don't want to be seen as pissed by her response. I'm just concerned now with getting out of this unscathed, with my head held high. Thanks folks! Edited August 6, 2015 by highseas 1
xcupid Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Seems to me she's been too busy from the beginning of this. You've done a lot of chasing and you're getting lukewarm response at best. You're not her priority and it's difficult to elevate this any higher since she's not making the time for you. A woman who says she'll "get back" to you isn't showing much interest. It's like saying she'll fit you in to her busy schedule at some point. Not a good sign and not very respectful. It's time to rethink chasing her. She might be amazing and all but she's just not doing anything to encourage you to chase her. Fade away. You're batting your head against a brick wall here. I'd move on and look for someone who really wants to be in a relationship.
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 90% of the time it's an excuse because they don't want to hurt your feelings with a firm no thank you. on the rare occasion when they do get back to you, they are genuinely busy.
Author highseas Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Thanks again ladies and gentlemen...Well, it's almost uniformly a bad response and situation based on all feedback. That is fine, I wanted a frank assessment. I just responded, wishing her "luck" with her busy work and responding to her "how are you" with the fun and busy stuff that I in real life have been doing: doing reading, engaging in business opportunities, going on trips and so on (no details, just a one liner like the above). I hate to let her think that I'm waiting for her, being a loser. Just because I was into her doesn't mean I had nothing going on. People think that I liked them and I had nothing else going on. So ridiculous. Not to brag--since none of you know me--but I have my ***** together and am doing well for myself. I'm done with putting up with her crap. I'm done being a nice guy who presumably has no life and nothing else going on if that's what she thinks! 1
Versacehottie Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Thanks for all the responses so far! I really appreciate them, even if they all paint the picture of a disinterested party. Just to reconfirm: most of you and others who haven't responded yet, would say "will get back to you" is a definite a sign of disinterest? Have you used that for someone you're interested in due to possible family or other events? Well not necessarily disinterest in you. If for example, work is taking a huge amount of time and highest priority in the past I have truly meant it but only because in general dating wasn't ranking high on the priority list--wasn't really about the guy. Though if someone knocks your socks off, I think that goes right out the window. I would add that sometimes people need to feel your disinterest to get invested. I have seen this many times. Especially if you are a good guy with his sh8t together. It could mean she doesn't appreciate it yet--until she realizes you are not gonna just stick around. She might value you then. Recently there was a thread on friends to lovers board where I feel like the OP was headed in a similar direction. All it seemed to take was pulling back a bit and not being so available. I think they had a more of a connection though in terms of how many dates and the dates intensity. Here's the link to that thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/534983-odd-relationship-girl-not-sure-what-going Good luck. Hope things go your way.
Author highseas Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Thanks, Versacehottie! I hope that by (genuinely) pulling back she will get invested and interested. My gut says it is not going anywhere, but I do think I'm a nice guy who has his act together, as well as being attentive and all, but my patience is at an end. Good luck to you all as well. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Thanks, Versacehottie! I hope that by (genuinely) pulling back she will get invested and interested. My gut says it is not going anywhere, but I do think I'm a nice guy who has his act together, as well as being attentive and all, but my patience is at an end. Good luck to you all as well. Well i think handling it proactively and preserving your dignity the way you have is not only your best chance with her but if it doesn't work out with her, handling stuff this way won't ding your dating confidence for the next one.
SugarLips72 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 If I am interested in a guy and he asks me out, I will make it happen.
torturedartist Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I will try to be brief: I've been "hanging out" with a girl for 2-3 times this summer. She's been out of state a few times (I know this for a fact). She's finally going to be around for a while. We've hung out once since then. I texted her 2 days ago asking if she'd like to join me for dinner sometime this week. I gave her a couple of restaurants to start and said she could pick one of her choice. Plus we could take a walk or go bowling. She texted back 2 days later (earlier today) with a long message (in the past couple of weeks she has only texted sporadically with short messages). Basically, she said: she's been busy doing a few (specific things that I omit here) and this has been a busy week and summer. She said she will "get back" to me on hanging out. She also asked how I'm doing and also said "sorry" for being late in responding because she's been camping (she likes that stuff). What do you make of this? And how and when should I respond? I have my own take but I want to hear your take first. Thanks! You guys and your texting. Like thousands of years ago, before the days of civilization, cave men whipped out their cell phones and sent DIGITAL messages to the objects of their lust. And that's how the human race has survived. We're the same species, dude. 23 pairs of chromosomes still desiring the same basic stuff. Women still want men to act like men, and when you use your cell phone to court her, you're not.
Gary S Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 You really need to have at least one date a week for a relationship to get off the ground.
joseb Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 You really need to have at least one date a week for a relationship to get off the ground. Yeah that's a good point. Hanging out a couple of times over summer doesn't really give you a chance to build up anything.
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