amhs Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 My ex of two months broke it off due to long distance and struggling heavily with some family issues. She tells me she doesn't want to hold me back because she won't know when this gets resolved. however, when I tell her I can't be friends and that I need to close this door, she insists that she really likes me, wants to be with me, and knows how compatible we are. She wants me to stay open minded for when she's ready because she wants to give us an honest try. I asked her to take her to coffee and she happily agreed. This is happening in two weeks, and we've remained NC. Is it out of line for me to give an ultimatum? I want to tell her that I'm the type that gives 100% and can't fully give my next girlfriend myself if I'm still holding on to hope. Also, that I'm very willing to be there for her during this time, and that I'd like to work through these issues together. If she says no, ill kindly tell her I'm not interested in friendship and that ill get her the stuff she left at my place. Its probably important to note that I sent her this text last weekend: "Hey (name), I've given this a lot of thought and have realized that you want more of a friendship than a committed relationship. I understand better now, but I'm not looking for that. I hope all is well, ill make sure to get you your things" She called me immediately after saying I was wrong and that she really likes me and wants to be with me and wants to commit but can't right now. She mentioned that she hates the timing (we got together two weeks before going ldr for summer) and that she really hopes I'm single and willing when she is ready again. **Tl;dr:** ex wants to be together when we're back in school and her family issues resolve. I can't wait.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 My ex of two months broke it off due to long distance and struggling heavily with some family issues. She tells me she doesn't want to hold me back because she won't know when this gets resolved. however, when I tell her I can't be friends and that I need to close this door, she insists that she really likes me, wants to be with me, and knows how compatible we are. She wants me to stay open minded for when she's ready because she wants to give us an honest try. I asked her to take her to coffee and she happily agreed. This is happening in two weeks, and we've remained NC. Is it out of line for me to give an ultimatum? I want to tell her that I'm the type that gives 100% and can't fully give my next girlfriend myself if I'm still holding on to hope. Also, that I'm very willing to be there for her during this time, and that I'd like to work through these issues together. If she says no, ill kindly tell her I'm not interested in friendship and that ill get her the stuff she left at my place. Its probably important to note that I sent her this text last weekend: "Hey (name), I've given this a lot of thought and have realized that you want more of a friendship than a committed relationship. I understand better now, but I'm not looking for that. I hope all is well, ill make sure to get you your things" She called me immediately after saying I was wrong and that she really likes me and wants to be with me and wants to commit but can't right now. She mentioned that she hates the timing (we got together two weeks before going ldr for summer) and that she really hopes I'm single and willing when she is ready again. **Tl;dr:** ex wants to be together when we're back in school and her family issues resolve. I can't wait. Starting another thread doesn't change the advice. Ultimatums are a bad thing. Don't say a thing, just let her do her thing and you do your thing. You'll be on the same campus in the fall -- if she is serious about "wanting to be with you" she'll make an effort. The whole thing stinks and she's being quite selfish, but an ultimatum won't do anything for you. You're better off just saying "ok, fine" and moving along. 2
aloneinaz Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Not many guys with a strong self esteem and self worth would allow her to do what she's doing. When she broke up with them, they'd of said "ok" and then moved on. They wouldn't of accepted her lame excuse for breaking up with you. In a healthy, loving relationship, partners LEAN ON the other in times of great stress and issues. They don't dump them. It almost appears she dumped you and is exploring/dating another guy and wants you to stick around as plan b incase it doesn't work out. Do you want to be her plan B or second choice? What you should do.. Don't contact her again. When she's bored and contacts you to get her ego stroked, let her know you're not interested in "friendship" and are going to move on and want no further contact. Then ignore her and block her on all social media. She wants to see what life is like without you. Give it to her. If she had any doubts about her feelings for you, that's all you needed to hear to know the relationship is doomed. You're both young. Go sow your oats which is what she's doing or wants to do. 2
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 aloneinaz is right. something doesn't feel right here. It feels like you're a back-up plan. Could possibly be another guy but she's unsure if he's ready to fully commit to her. Therefore, she's keeping you single and on the sidelines while she plays the field. And if it doesn't work out, well...she's got you waiting.
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