oberkeat Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I'm terrible at starting conversations with women in person without looking nervous or stupid. I'll say a few words, then chicken out, end the conversation abruptly and walk away before it gets anywhere, even when I'm not in a hurry to go somewhere. Or I'll trip over my words, or I'll interrupt them unintentionally. Then I'll beat myself up about it later. My best friend is a girl, and I have no problem expressing myself to her. She says I'm one of the few folks she knows that know the art of conversation. But with others, I fumble the ball badly. What the heck's wrong with me?
HereNorThere Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Social anxiety. Most people suffer from it in one way or another. My advice is to treat everyone the same until you get to know them and they earn some other form of treatment from you. You're giving potential dating partners too much value or basically - You're putting the _____ on a pedestal. Stop doing that. Think about how oblivious old people are to what other people think about them. Why are they like that? Because they no longer have to worry about finding a mate. Speak slowly, clearly and don't try to impress anyone. Most importantly and I can't stress this enough, treat everyone the same. If someone from this forum messages me and I find out they're 65, they get the same amount of replies and attention as someone who is 25. I treat them the way they treat me because that's all I owe them. Slow down, relax and remember that to get a girl you have to be willing to lose a girl. You have to be able to walk away or you just come across as needy. You have to call them on their stuff and treat them the same way you would anyone else. At first you have to fake it, but eventually you realize that no one really deserves any special treatment from you. Even the hottest girl's breath stinks in the morning. No matter how bad to the bone she is, someone out there is tired of her annoying arse, the same as yours. 2
jen1447 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 You're nervous and stupid. (j/k about the stupid part. ) Nerves can ruin interactions. Why are you nervous? Women are really just normal ppl too. We're awesome and we have vaginas and all that, but there's really no reason to treat us like gods. If you're able to be relaxed around us, that vibe will come across and conversation will flow much more effortlessly. 3
Author oberkeat Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 Thanks. I'm able to approach, but then once we start talkin', I get nervous and end it. Like I dip my toe in the water, then run and hide. I'll try to keep in mind to slow down and relax.
jay1983 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Just keep doing it nervously till you get used to it. It's like riding a motorcycle, it becomes second nature after the first few times. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 You are psyching yourself out because you mistakenly think you sound stupid. In reality she's probably flattered that you even had the guts to approach so she's not analyzing every word. Try to relax. 3
LostOnes05 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 When I was trying to get over my shyness, I read somewhere that starting conversations with people in elevators was a good segway. First off, you're not in an elevator for very long so the interaction doesn't have to be prolonged at all. Secondly, it helps you notice little things about people right off the bat. I found that eventually people started walking out of the elevator talking to me and continuing the conversation to the point that all I had to do was listen. 1
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