GlasgowGuy Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Hey Guys, My girlfriend and I have had a rocky few weeks she came over on Sunday and said she no longer feels the same way about me. I was taken back by it and immediately asked do you still love me? She broke down in tears claiming she still loved me but she didn't know what she wanted from life. She suffered from severe depression so this isn't uncommon her being undeceive, I just try to support her best I can. So we spoke a bit she fell asleep in my bed and later that night we went to hers I stayed over. Nothing serious just spooning and watched a movie. Unusual for someone who doesn't want to be with me right? So on Monday at work (we work together) I seen her a few times and we text I explained how I felt and I wanted to try and fix things she feels we have became nothing but friends and the spark is gone. So I thought okay i'll give her space so on Tuesday morning I get a text please come and see me in the canteen .... I go down she hugs me claiming to have missed me. I seen this as positive but she then said it doesn't mean I want to be with you I just miss you. So we have been texting since I respect her decision its hard I feel so down about it but hey? what can I do right. To make things even worse we are going on Holiday in 3 weeks ... I booked it as a surprise because things were going great I was gonna propose!!!! She still wants to go on holiday with me as friends, I said we could get the spark back on holiday by taking us out of our stressful lifes and learn to live and have fun as one again. She said we could but she doubts it will change how she feels. So here I am now .... I'm giving her space til Monday (5 days) she can contact me she will miss me im certain of that. She said she feels like she hasn't lost anything (maybe because ive been talking to her non stop since Sunday) And to make it worse her friends and family are on my side telling her how stupid she is being which isnt helping things .... she must feel trapped! Any help would be great!!!
CarrieT Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Cancel the trip. You will feel worse if you go "as friends" and her feelings don't change. She will feel worse for using you for a vacation. 6
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Do not go on this trip. There is no point now. You say you've had a rocky few weeks - what's been going on? 3
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Hmm... tough one dude. Something had to have happened to turn the light switch from on to off so quickly. I can't say that there's another guy in the picture because you two work together and word of something sketchy with your girl and someone else would have probably got back to you. It sounds like you didn't get any red flags like a change in behavior or anything that would indicated her loosing interest. Well, for lack of anything else. You're going to have to start NC on her. She made a choice and that decision was to have you out of her life. But, you're buying into her breadcrumbs. She tells you to meet her in the canteen and you go running just because she misses you. Doesn't want you back, she just wants her GlasowGuy fix and then for you to go away. Don't play these games anymore. Don't eat the breadcrumbs. Go straight to NC, "No Contact". Ignore her texts, let all her calls go to voicemail. Remember , this was her choice, not yours. Therefore, you give her exactly what she's asking for. You being gone. You need to block her on all your social media!! Including Facebook. I would cancel the trip and plan on something else. If she asks you about the trip, tell her you cancelled it because you wanted to get away with your girlfriend. But, since you don't have one anymore, you didn't see the point of still going. Then, back to NC. SHE NEEDS TO SEE WHAT LIFE IS GOING TO BE LIKE WITHOUT YOU! She can't depend on you anymore. Whether it's good or bad. This also includes fun things, like trips. She'll try and be "friends" with you. But, here's the thing, you are not her friend. I'm pretty sure that you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her with a proposal on the horizon with the ultimate outcome that you are nothing more than a "really good" friend to her. 3
Author GlasgowGuy Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 Just stupid little arguments about life in general started getting heavy when we started working together, The trip is set in stone we paid a lot of money for it. I have hopes it might work out over there but we need a proper no contact period to fix ourselves. She is my best friend as well as my girlfriend (well ex girlfriend) Just hope she can realize through time apart
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Just stupid little arguments about life in general started getting heavy when we started working together, The trip is set in stone we paid a lot of money for it. I have hopes it might work out over there but we need a proper no contact period to fix ourselves. She is my best friend as well as my girlfriend (well ex girlfriend) Just hope she can realize through time apart Dude, if the trip is non-refundable then I would postpone it for a later date. Let her think it's canceled. It could be the only reason why she hasn't lost contact with you. If she thinks the trip is canceled and she runs for the hills well, you know she was only hanging around for the trip. 1
Her Bridges Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Hey Guys, My girlfriend and I have had a rocky few weeks she came over on Sunday and said she no longer feels the same way about me. I was taken back by it and immediately asked do you still love me? She broke down in tears claiming she still loved me but she didn't know what she wanted from life. She suffered from severe depression so this isn't uncommon her being undeceive, I just try to support her best I can. So we spoke a bit she fell asleep in my bed and later that night we went to hers I stayed over. Nothing serious just spooning and watched a movie. Unusual for someone who doesn't want to be with me right? So on Monday at work (we work together) I seen her a few times and we text I explained how I felt and I wanted to try and fix things she feels we have became nothing but friends and the spark is gone. So I thought okay i'll give her space so on Tuesday morning I get a text please come and see me in the canteen .... I go down she hugs me claiming to have missed me. I seen this as positive but she then said it doesn't mean I want to be with you I just miss you. So we have been texting since I respect her decision its hard I feel so down about it but hey? what can I do right. To make things even worse we are going on Holiday in 3 weeks ... I booked it as a surprise because things were going great I was gonna propose!!!! She still wants to go on holiday with me as friends, I said we could get the spark back on holiday by taking us out of our stressful lifes and learn to live and have fun as one again. She said we could but she doubts it will change how she feels. So here I am now .... I'm giving her space til Monday (5 days) she can contact me she will miss me im certain of that. She said she feels like she hasn't lost anything (maybe because ive been talking to her non stop since Sunday) And to make it worse her friends and family are on my side telling her how stupid she is being which isnt helping things .... she must feel trapped! Any help would be great!!! I'll be honest that I doubt this was a sudden thing. You have had a very long relationship. She's said she's unhappy, you know she's indecisive and you know she struggles with her emotions. This is probably something that's been weighing on her for some time as she's struggled to ignore it, then get past it, then come to terms with it and figure out how to finally end things. She cares about you so she doesn't want to see you hurt, and she was scared of ending something that's been a part of her life for the better part of a decade. But in the end she figured out that caring for you and for herself meant ending something that she just didn't want anymore. The relationship is dead and has been for a while. So approach the issue of the trip with that in mind. I really feel that if you do go on the trip and "fix things" it will be a temporary thing, as the trip is temporary. I doubt she's going to use you, more like go on the trip to appease you. She's made her decision, it's time to let her go.
mightycpa Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Dude, if the trip is non-refundable then I would postpone it for a later date. Let her think it's canceled. It could be the only reason why she hasn't lost contact with you. If she thinks the trip is canceled and she runs for the hills well, you know she was only hanging around for the trip."We" paid for it? Meaning you guys split the bill? If so, one of you needs to buy the other out. You should see if you can find a friend to go in either her place or yours. This is a great opportunity for you to be completely away from each other, which is exactly what is called for right now. Now if "we" means you, then uninvite her right away. Find that friend you can go with; that would be better than going alone. And if "we" means she, then bow out. She's not your best friend. Everybody makes that mistake. She stood in as your best friend, because that sometimes comes with the territory of being a girlfriend, although it is better to have an actual best friend that will survive breakups. Let me be your best friend here. This "I need a hug because I miss you, but don't get the wrong idea" nonsense is not good for you. Quite the opposite - it is bad for your psyche right now, because it is fuel for false hope, and you are being toyed with. I don't even know you and that **** makes me angry for you. Look above your head and cut those puppet strings. Be your own best friend, and take her at her word. You're done, she's lost interest in you, and she's not going to get it back. Unfortunate? Yes. Doesn't change the reality of your situation. Extricate yourself from all entanglements. Cut off contact. Mourn, grieve, heal until you achieve freedom. The faster the better. Start right now. 3
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 And plus, if you go on this trip with her, what if she ditches you and does her own thing while she's there? What if she's talking to other guys and getting under your skin and says that she's allowed to talk to whoever she wants because you're not together any longer? How are you going to feel then? 1
Poppyolive Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Please listen to above posters. Please take my advice. What you are doing right now, replying to her, comforting her, watching movies, being friends, going on holidays as friends..etc.....you are making it easier for her to move on. You're in the sideline whilst she goes after greener pastures. You're suporting her next step. Meanwhile you are clutching straws and hurting. When she's moved on, she will of thought you were OK with friends, then your major hurt kicks in. I know you're distraught. Give her all the space. You take all the space. Go to contact. Let her miss you. Let her feel her feels, and you, yours. Postpone the trip, buy her out, solo trip it, take a friend. Believe when she says she wants out. You can't be in the relationship yourself. And you certainly can't pussyfoot around her hoping she's made a whoopsie. Take charge, take control & direction. 1
Author GlasgowGuy Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 How old are the two of you? 21 and i'm 24
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Be advised that nothing you do will get her to stay with you. Just be happy that she's being honest with you. You guys are young. People change a lot at that age range. If your trip is non refundable, I'd take her with you, if you can handle being with her knowing that it's over.
theredpill Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Please listen to the other and stop talking to her, remember the best way to get someone's attention is to remove yours. If you do this, not only will you regain some self respect, there is a chance she might actually miss you. Every time you communicate with her right now you're making the situation worse, I understand why, in fact we all understand why you think it's the right thing emotionally, but it's really not and you must stop now. She's super young, seen nothing of the world and from your post we can see you're hounding the girl, which is the absolute worst thing you can do right now. It's gonna be really tough dude, but you can do it!
aloneinaz Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Another strong vote to cancel the trip. You must of bought the trip since it was a surprise. If you can't cancel the trip, take someone else. A buddy, family member, etc. That relationship clearly ran it's course like they all do at that age. She didn't just make a knee jerk decision. She's been feeling this way for a while and finally let you know. Another way to look at this- You're a habit to her as she is to you. She ended the relationship and wants to "wean" off you at her pace. You need to say "oh hell no" to that. You need to send a short text to her. Let her know you're canceling the trip and you're moving on, then wish her good luck. Then, VANISH from her life. Don't reply to her freak out texts, crying or other BS she'll pull. Also, don't fall for her "I miss you and we need to talk about getting back together" texts/calls. It will only be an emotional roller coaster filled with buckets of drama and end the same way. She doesn't want you in her life. Provide that to her. 1
Meli22 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I feel like the age could play some part in this. You've been together a long time and girls (guys also) change so much from their teens - early/mid twenties. That and her depression/indecisiveness. Don't use the trip as a back up plan, or to help "spark" things back up again because it won't work, or it may only be temporary. Cancel the trip or take someone else if you can't. The only way that she could possibly realise her true feelings for you is if you dissapear from her life. So do that, because in the end she will either realise that she's crazy about you or you'll realise she isn't worth it. Win win.
ZiggyZoo Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Count me as another "don't go, or at least not with her" vote. I mean, she flat out told you that it wasn't likely to bring back the spark AND you were going as friends. What's the point? However, since I've been around these forums for a bit and have seen this sort of thing before, I can bet you're still going to do it. And you're going to be hovering and trying to show how great you two were and could be, and end up completely annoying her. Then when you get home and your last-ditch effort to win her back hasn't worked, you're going to be absolutely crushed. Please listen to every single person who's taken the time to advise against this whole thing. We all came here, read your story, and took the time to respond. We're speaking from our experience, and from observing the experiences of others. Good luck, I hope you make the right decision. 3
Author GlasgowGuy Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Thanks for all the advice guys! I really am thinking of cancelling the trip I will give it a think over the weekend. The hardest part is the no contact because I have a family member who is terminally ill and she wants to know what's happening? So far so good in that front but the real challenge is work tomorrow. Her best mate said she's all over the place and only said this because I didn't give her space last week when I should have. But walking out of life should make her realise what she has lost I'm not holding out on us getting back together anytime soon or in the future but I would be amazed if this silence from us both lasted any longer than a few weeks at best. And to answer a question ... I booked the holiday as a surprise when things were going great about 3/4 weeks ago when things were going great!
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Well, if it's a surprise? How does she know about it? Or, does she know about it?
aloneinaz Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Thanks for all the advice guys! The hardest part is the no contact because I have a family member who is terminally ill and she wants to know what's happening? While this is tragic, it's not a reason to stay in contact with a person who kicked you to the curb. She lost her right to be updated on anything going on in your life. My ex's Mom was diagnosed w/terminal cancer at the time we ended. I didn't expect to be updated after we ended and wasn't. If she's that concerned, she can contact someone in your family but I doubt she will. I would be amazed if this silence from us both lasted any longer than a few weeks at best. My friend, you need to make a decision here. You're either going to WANT to move past this relationship and stick to NC to do it, or you're not. You don't "owe" her any communication. You're not doing this to be mean but for YOU to let "out of sight, out of mind" along with time passing help you heal. And to answer a question ... I booked the holiday as a surprise when things were going great about 3/4 weeks ago when things were going great! Get your money back. I'm not aware of places that don't let you cancel, even if you have to pay a small fee. 2
Author GlasgowGuy Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Little update guys ... No contact was broken when she called my desk phone, I had to answer. Gave her one word answers and told her the holiday is cancelled! She was upset about this, told her I can't have someone in my life who no longer feels the same way as I feel about them and this is for the best. I told her we may speak again in the future but right now there is to much water under the bridge for talking. She txt me after she got off the phone with a few crying emojis I ignored them and deleted her number. Onwards and upwards 4
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Okay, believe me, I know that was probably really tough and had to have hurt. But, deep down you know it had to be done. Now, go strict NC on her. She's probably going to test the waters. She may think that you're just having a bad day and really didn't mean what you said, so she's going to let you calm down and try you again in a few days or a week. You need to be aware of that and stick to your guns with NC. 1
Her Bridges Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Little update guys ... No contact was broken when she called my desk phone, I had to answer. Gave her one word answers and told her the holiday is cancelled! She was upset about this, told her I can't have someone in my life who no longer feels the same way as I feel about them and this is for the best. I told her we may speak again in the future but right now there is to much water under the bridge for talking. She txt me after she got off the phone with a few crying emojis I ignored them and deleted her number. Onwards and upwards Good job! She may try contacting again, seems like she's using you as an emotional crutch (probably not intentionally or maliciously, but still not something she should do). Don't accept it. You heal on your own, she heals on her own. Focus on what you need for your own well being. Don't fret about her, she can handle herself. Onwards and upwards!
Author GlasgowGuy Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Good job! She may try contacting again, seems like she's using you as an emotional crutch (probably not intentionally or maliciously, but still not something she should do). Don't accept it. You heal on your own, she heals on her own. Focus on what you need for your own well being. Don't fret about her, she can handle herself. Onwards and upwards! Thanks mate Finding it really hard today! I need to look out for number 1 more if we ever have a future I've got to keep up this no contact. If it's meant to be it will work out, but right now it's about how I feel and what I need to get from life Trying to make new friends is the most difficult part I gave up a lot 6 years ago to get with he, a lot of things have changed. I can only describe it as comin out of a coma and seeing everything completely differently.
Author GlasgowGuy Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 As we work together it's really difficult to avoid each other! Spoke to her today when she called my desk phone again! I was civil to her and wished her well this weekend. This is a lot more difficult that I imagined!!
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