DollWelch Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Some time has passed since my last thread "I didn't envision this happening! Pursue or let go?" (You can find it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/534095-i-didn-t-envision-happening-pursue-let-go) This is what has happened since. I had been thinking of letting this guy go for quite some time now but never really had the guts to do so until yesterday. This guy is someone who I have known for 2 years now, he and I get along really well, the chemistry, attraction and intellectual conversations have been amazing! (Despite the fact that he's younger and lives in another city) I plainly told him yesterday that I could no longer continue communicating with him, I needed to move on, to walk away and focus on my life (professional, medical and personal life). He understood but was taken aback by the fact that I wanted to let go of this so-called friendship. Mind you I did this over text and then later he and I continued on the phone. I could tell he was sad, upset and confused. I stood my ground, but all he kept saying is that how much he valued the friendship and didn't want to lose me as a friend. I asked him how long he thinks he will be able to keep this friendship going? Another 3 months? 2 years? 5 years? At that point he didn't care. In the end, he asked if he could contact me again in the future and then said that this wasn't a goodbye forever but a goodbye for now. What I don't understand is: Some weeks or months ago he said how he was starting to fall in love with me, he expressed his feelings, how much he liked me, his admiration towards me. And now he says he likes me as a friend and wants to keep this friendship alive. What changed? HOW the fck does any of this make sense? Is this a joke? What does this all mean? Did I make the right decision? Why does he wants to hold onto this, onto me? I don't understand. Thoughts/Feedback would be much appreciated.
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Some time has passed since my last thread "I didn't envision this happening! Pursue or let go?" (You can find it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/534095-i-didn-t-envision-happening-pursue-let-go) This is what has happened since. I had been thinking of letting this guy go for quite some time now but never really had the guts to do so until yesterday. This guy is someone who I have known for 2 years now, he and I get along really well, the chemistry, attraction and intellectual conversations have been amazing! (Despite the fact that he's younger and lives in another city) I plainly told him yesterday that I could no longer continue communicating with him, I needed to move on, to walk away and focus on my life (professional, medical and personal life). He understood but was taken aback by the fact that I wanted to let go of this so-called friendship. Mind you I did this over text and then later he and I continued on the phone. I could tell he was sad, upset and confused. I stood my ground, but all he kept saying is that how much he valued the friendship and didn't want to lose me as a friend. I asked him how long he thinks he will be able to keep this friendship going? Another 3 months? 2 years? 5 years? At that point he didn't care. In the end, he asked if he could contact me again in the future and then said that this wasn't a goodbye forever but a goodbye for now. What I don't understand is: Some weeks or months ago he said how he was starting to fall in love with me, he expressed his feelings, how much he liked me, his admiration towards me. And now he says he likes me as a friend and wants to keep this friendship alive. What changed? HOW the fck does any of this make sense? Is this a joke? What does this all mean? Did I make the right decision? Why does he wants to hold onto this, onto me? I don't understand. Thoughts/Feedback would be much appreciated. Why does he wants to hold onto this, onto me? -- Because he wants a back up at least if he can't find someone else. People often say they want to maintain a friendship with someone they've broken up with with the secret hope that the other person may change their minds as well. I'd say this guy wasn't escalating things with you anyway, yes? There is such a thing as a Quality Casual Guy. A guy who doesn't want a real commitment, but cares for the woman he's been seeing and will act like a boyfriend and sometimes do it forever. But on some level the woman will feel that he's not "all in" at various times. You decided to end it for a reason . . . don't second guess yourself. He cared for you, he probably still does but isn't prepared yet to let go. It's never easy to let go of someone who has been in your life for a long time. It's not going to be that easy for him either so he's grasping at straws.
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