EMY711 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I recently had a talk with a good friend of mine who I have have feelings for. We had sex for the first time about 3 months ago and haven't since. We have continued to be friends since and hang out with each other all the time but there was some uncertainty from what each other wanted. He would give me mixed signals by flirting and feeling up my leg while at a bar and sometimes flirt with me via text. Well the other day we met to talk. He has been divorced for 6 years. His wife left him for a women and he went through some tough times in between. He lived in a small town so it was hard to escape. He went on sleeping around with women and told me that he hurt some that didn't need to be hurt. He said he didn't want to sleep with me because he didn't want to hurt me but it just happened. He says he want to establish a friendship with a women before he decides to take thing further because building that base is more important than having sex first. He said he has feelings for me and he doesn't want me out of his life but right now he needs to be friends with someone and doesn't want to hurt me. Is this an easy way of saying he cares about me but just not enough or is he really considering me but doesn't know what he wants and only time will tell but until then he wants to continue as friends to really get to know me?
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I recently had a talk with a good friend of mine who I have have feelings for. We had sex for the first time about 3 months ago and haven't since. We have continued to be friends since and hang out with each other all the time but there was some uncertainty from what each other wanted. He would give me mixed signals by flirting and feeling up my leg while at a bar and sometimes flirt with me via text. Well the other day we met to talk. He has been divorced for 6 years. His wife left him for a women and he went through some tough times in between. He lived in a small town so it was hard to escape. He went on sleeping around with women and told me that he hurt some that didn't need to be hurt. He said he didn't want to sleep with me because he didn't want to hurt me but it just happened. He says he want to establish a friendship with a women before he decides to take thing further because building that base is more important than having sex first. He said he has feelings for me and he doesn't want me out of his life but right now he needs to be friends with someone and doesn't want to hurt me. Is this an easy way of saying he cares about me but just not enough or is he really considering me but doesn't know what he wants and only time will tell but until then he wants to continue as friends to really get to know me? He doesn't want a relationship with you but wants to keep you as a back up in case he doesn't find someone better. When they say they don't want to hurt you, they really don't want to hurt you, but they know they will. It's a "disclaimer" -- an I told you so. "He went on sleeping around with women and told me that he hurt some that didn't need to be hurt" He said he didn't want to sleep with me because he didn't want to hurt me but it just happened -- So he did it again with you . . . yeah, he doesn't want to hurt women. 1
oberkeat Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I recently had a talk with a good friend of mine who I have have feelings for. We had sex for the first time about 3 months ago and haven't since. We have continued to be friends since and hang out with each other all the time but there was some uncertainty from what each other wanted. He would give me mixed signals by flirting and feeling up my leg while at a bar and sometimes flirt with me via text. Well the other day we met to talk. He has been divorced for 6 years. His wife left him for a women and he went through some tough times in between. He lived in a small town so it was hard to escape. He went on sleeping around with women and told me that he hurt some that didn't need to be hurt. He said he didn't want to sleep with me because he didn't want to hurt me but it just happened. He says he want to establish a friendship with a women before he decides to take thing further because building that base is more important than having sex first. He said he has feelings for me and he doesn't want me out of his life but right now he needs to be friends with someone and doesn't want to hurt me. Is this an easy way of saying he cares about me but just not enough or is he really considering me but doesn't know what he wants and only time will tell but until then he wants to continue as friends to really get to know me? OP, your feelings seem to be the furthest thing from this dude's mind, quite frankly. From your description of him, I don't like him at all. He sounds like a very selfish, screwed-up, low quality guy all around.
Author EMY711 Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 OP, your feelings seem to be the furthest thing from this dude's mind, quite frankly. From your description of him, I don't like him at all. He sounds like a very selfish, screwed-up, low quality guy all around. Thank you for you're reply. I guess I should have wrote things a little more clearly. It may not necessarily change your view but.. He said he has feelings for me and he doesn't want me out of his life but right now he needs to be friends with someone first before he moves the relationship further. He doesn't want to hurt me by continuing to sleep with me until he figures things out for himself. I either think 2 things: 1. He truly doesn't know what he wants and wants to move slow because he is scared of getting hurt again. 2. He doesn't want a relationship with me but a friendsihp WOul d like to hear from people who have had the same experience too! He initially turned me down in the beginning but sometimes when their is chemistry its hard to turn off sexual desires. He truly hasn't slept around with anyone since he has moved here only because we spend greater than 50 hrs with each other in a medical program so time isn't in our favor. I can vouch for that. When we slept together it was over a break. I know some may say i'm neieve but I've have a good conscious and have been with a compulsive liar before so I recognize things easily
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 He said he has feelings for me and he doesn't want me out of his life but right now he needs to be friends with someone first before he moves the relationship further. But you already are good friends, in your own words. This is a case of not that into you but still wanting to keep you around for company and attention. The friends first is just a poor excuse, you already have the friendship foundation to build on if that's what's really stopping him. Cut back on contact with him and focus your attention on other dating prospects. Once you have your feelings in check you probably can be friends again, but it looks like that's all you'll ever be. 1
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