Facebook, texting and emotional cheating.

[writergal]

I could tell she was telling me the truth, the same as I could tell she was lying before. I really don't think she will lie to me anymore.

 

Then I feel very bad for you because she will. Undoubtedly, she will. She can give you all of her passwords to her social media and to her cellphone, but are you going to police her when she's not around you? If not, she has free reign to continue to have casual sex behind your back as people often did before all the technology that's available to us know.

 

All you need do is read through the posts here from members who've been cheated on and lied to by their spouse or boyfriends or girlfriends. Some of those people had transparency but their significant other still lied and cheated on them.

 

I want to be the optimist who supports your relationship, but my own experience tells me "once a liar/cheater...always a liar/cheater."

[kendahke]

I could tell she was telling me the truth, the same as I could tell she was lying before. I really don't think she will lie to me anymore.

 

Ok then. Good luck with that.

[deadelvis]

Then I feel very bad for you because she will. Undoubtedly, she will. She can give you all of her passwords to her social media and to her cellphone, but are you going to police her when she's not around you? If not, she has free reign to continue to have casual sex behind your back as people often did before all the technology that's available to us know.

 

All you need do is read through the posts here from members who've been cheated on and lied to by their spouse or boyfriends or girlfriends. Some of those people had transparency but their significant other still lied and cheated on them.

 

I want to be the optimist who supports your relationship, but my own experience tells me "once a liar/cheater...always a liar/cheater."

 

I get that. And I feel the same. But she expressed that the only thing she's ever lied to me about was her sexual history, and only because she was ashamed. I really don't think her intentions were malicious, just misguided.

 

She did cheat on her last boyfriend, that was something we discussed too. She said she has only ever cheated on him and nobody else. After explaining their relationship, and the guilt she felt when she cheated, I really don't think she would cheat on me. She said they only had sex about once every six months and had a long distance relationship. He knew she cheated but they just never talked about it. The evidence was all over her facebook and she made no attempt to hide it (this is true, I looked). They just couldn't seem to break off the relationship because they were together for a long time, but it was more of a friendship than a relationship and sounded more like and unspoken open relationship. But she did feel bad for cheating. She said she will never cheat on me, and I believe it. I'm pretty much the opposite of him in terms of our sexual relationship. He only wanted sex once every six months. I want sex six times a day. So I really don't see that being an issue.

 

As for the original topic of facebook, texting and emotional cheating. She said she doesn't delete messages and I can feel free to look through her stuff. I probably won't because it goes against what I stand for. And I'm not really sure I want to read her conversations with those people. It's a bit of an invasion, and I am sure it would hurt my feelings to see the things she texted to her friends when we were fighting all the time. I know I've confided some pretty personal things about her on LS, and I wouldn't want her reading these posts, so I can respect her privacy in that regard.

[autumnnight]

I probably won't because it goes against what I stand for.

 

This made my day

[deadelvis]

This made my day

 

Well, trust and honesty are a two way street.

[writergal]

Just because you can read what she writes on Facebook, doesn't guarantee you that she won't cheat on you. She admitted to you that she cheated on her last boyfriend. She sounds like a woman who has very screwed up priorities in life, if all she does is have casual sex with men and cheat on her boyfriends.

 

She's emotionally and physically lied to you and cheated on you. Her admittance of her past that does and doesn't involve you, doesn't mean she's actually going to have a clean slate with you. Her past shows you that she's not capable of monogamy so why do you believe that she is? Because you want to, I think.

 

How will you know she is monogamous with you? How?

 

 

I get that. And I feel the same. But she expressed that the only thing she's ever lied to me about was her sexual history, and only because she was ashamed. I really don't think her intentions were malicious, just misguided.

 

She did cheat on her last boyfriend, that was something we discussed too. She said she has only ever cheated on him and nobody else. After explaining their relationship, and the guilt she felt when she cheated, I really don't think she would cheat on me. She said they only had sex about once every six months and had a long distance relationship. He knew she cheated but they just never talked about it. The evidence was all over her facebook and she made no attempt to hide it (this is true, I looked). They just couldn't seem to break off the relationship because they were together for a long time, but it was more of a friendship than a relationship and sounded more like and unspoken open relationship. But she did feel bad for cheating. She said she will never cheat on me, and I believe it. I'm pretty much the opposite of him in terms of our sexual relationship. He only wanted sex once every six months. I want sex six times a day. So I really don't see that being an issue.

 

As for the original topic of facebook, texting and emotional cheating. She said she doesn't delete messages and I can feel free to look through her stuff. I probably won't because it goes against what I stand for. And I'm not really sure I want to read her conversations with those people. It's a bit of an invasion, and I am sure it would hurt my feelings to see the things she texted to her friends when we were fighting all the time. I know I've confided some pretty personal things about her on LS, and I wouldn't want her reading these posts, so I can respect her privacy in that regard.

[deadelvis]

Just because you can read what she writes on Facebook, doesn't guarantee you that she won't cheat on you. She admitted to you that she cheated on her last boyfriend. She sounds like a woman who has very screwed up priorities in life, if all she does is have casual sex with men and cheat on her boyfriends.

 

She's emotionally and physically lied to you and cheated on you. Her admittance of her past that does and doesn't involve you, doesn't mean she's actually going to have a clean slate with you. Her past shows you that she's not capable of monogamy so why do you believe that she is? Because you want to, I think.

 

How will you know she is monogamous with you? How?

 

Well... she never cheated on me. At least not physically. And she claims her facebook interactions and texting are harmless. She offered to let me look through her phone, so I assume she hasn't been doing anything too suspicious. So I'm going to assume she's not emotionally cheating either.

 

Cheating on her last boyfriend was a unique situation and one I don't really think is fair to hold against her. It was an unusual situation. They didn't even live in the same town most of the time, they didn't have sex, he was much older and didn't spend any time with her. Their relationship was not really much of a relationship at all. He knew she slept around and didn't seem to care. He was emotionally distant and there was no intimacy. It was a strange situation. Certainly not a normal relationship. We talked about it for a long time and she assured me that she is disgusted by cheating and never felt good about sleeping with other men, but the relationship she was in was completely devoid of love and affection, so she found the intimacy she needed elsewhere, even though she said it made her feel terrible every time. I really don't think she is a "cheater". She was just in a bad relationship and looking for a way out. She drank a lot then to deal with things. She doesn't drink anymore. We live together and have a very affectionate and intimate relationship. I don't think it's fair to compare that relationship to ours. It was just such a different situation.

 

I'm pretty sure the only thing she's ever lied about was her sexual history. And I believe her. I knew when she was lying. And I can tell when she's telling the truth. She's pretty much the worlds worst liar. I trust her now to be honest and faithful. That's all I can really do. Just trust her, forgive her and move forward with an open heart.

[Versacehottie]

[quote=deadelvis;6480983

I know I've confided some pretty personal things about her on LS, and I wouldn't want her reading these posts, so I can respect her privacy in that regard.

 

uh, yeah, I was wondering when you were going to figure that part out. I wouldn't stay at all with a guy who thought those things about me. Maybe it's time that you be fully honest with her and see if she sticks around.

[quote=deadelvis;6480983

As for the original topic of facebook, texting and emotional cheating. She said she doesn't delete messages and I can feel free to look through her stuff. I probably won't because it goes against what I stand for. And I'm not really sure I want to read her conversations with those people. It's a bit of an invasion, and I am sure it would hurt my feelings to see the things she texted to her friends when we were fighting all the time.

 

hmmmm, well somehow (call me a cynic) I don't think that you will be able to resist at some point. If you have to snoop on your partner to feel like you can trust them or control their actions, it's not really the solution. So asking for the passwords is no better than not using the passwords now that you have them. You are just trying to hang a threat over her head. If she wants to cheat, she will cheat. If she's going to communicate inappropriately with other guys, I'm sure she will find a way to do that. Glad you had the discussion if it really alleviated your true issues.

 

I meant to say the other day that I could tell from your wording you are not going to leave her. It's not even an option when you discuss all the ifs/buts/particulars. You are just going to beat this to death until she leaves you. I hope for both of your sakes' you just drop it now. Additionally don't fool yourself that she is the hottest girl in LA. Hot girls in LA with whorish tendencies don't even need to stoop as low as your girl did. There are so many varieties of legit golddigging here where girls don't even have to put out. That she is a 10 is laughable. You are just blinded but this whole thing. Good luck with it.

[kendahke]

Well, trust and honesty are a two way street.

 

It sure is.

 

Start with letting her read this thread.

 

and as far as reading FB, emails, etc... there are accounts that she can start and not tell you about. You see how this becomes a hydra and just because you lobbed off one head doesn't mean the beast is dead.

[deadelvis]

uh, yeah, I was wondering when you were going to figure that part out. I wouldn't stay at all with a guy who thought those things about me. Maybe it's time that you be fully honest with her and see if she sticks around.

 

 

Well I think of LS like a therapist. It's not emotional cheating. It's a place to seek counsel from others. It's good to have a place I can vent and be brutally honest without feeling like I'm betraying her trust.

 

hmmmm, well somehow (call me a cynic) I don't think that you will be able to resist at some point. If you have to snoop on your partner to feel like you can trust them or control their actions, it's not really the solution. So asking for the passwords is no better than not using the passwords now that you have them. You are just trying to hang a threat over her head. If she wants to cheat, she will cheat. If she's going to communicate inappropriately with other guys, I'm sure she will find a way to do that. Glad you had the discussion if it really alleviated your true issues.

 

I might check at some point if I'm feeling worried or suspicious, but I'll do it with her sitting next to me. And I don't think it should come to that. Her willingness to let me look through her phone at any time is proof enough for me.

 

I meant to say the other day that I could tell from your wording you are not going to leave her. It's not even an option when you discuss all the ifs/buts/particulars. You are just going to beat this to death until she leaves you. I hope for both of your sakes' you just drop it now.

 

No I'm not going to leave her. I think after her confessions last night we've finally buried the hatchet. But we've agreed that if we ever do feel tempted to stray we'll just open the relationship up and see other people.

 

Additionally don't fool yourself that she is the hottest girl in LA. Hot girls in LA with whorish tendencies don't even need to stoop as low as your girl did. There are so many varieties of legit golddigging here where girls don't even have to put out. That she is a 10 is laughable. You are just blinded but this whole thing. Good luck with it.

 

She's pretty damn hot. And honestly she's probably the hottest girl I've ever seen. We go to LA a lot. I know all about LA girls. She's from LA. She was a nude model for a long time. Lately she's started to put on some weight, but when she was in her prime, she was like "movie star hot". But as people age, things like staying a size zero become less important. We're in our 30's now and we're more interested in eating ice cream and watching netflix than spending 3 hours a day at the gym.

[/b]

 

But at this point it's not really about being hot. It's about the love that grows between two people. I could get a hot golddigger off the internet like quicker than it takes dominoes to bring me a pizza. But you can't buy love.

[Versacehottie]

But at this point it's not really about being hot. It's about the love that grows between two people. I could get a hot golddigger off the internet like quicker than it takes dominoes to bring me a pizza. But you can't buy love.

 

True about getting golddiggers easily. But when you fall back on the reasons you think she is some great prize the only one you can offer up is that she is hot (debatable but to each his own and I stand by that if she was willing to get freaky with guys and has user tendencies in this city AND is truly hot, she would have never needed to resort to escorting). With your OWN actions, you do not treat her like a prize other than you believe she is hot. True love is treating her like she is an all around prize in the here and now. I hope you can do that.

[deadelvis]

She's made a lot of money off her looks. The only time(s) she ever had sex for money she actually did it for the thrill, not the money... She made plenty of money just by being hot. All the whorish behavior was for her own kicks.

[Versacehottie]

She's made a lot of money off her looks. The only time(s) she ever had sex for money she actually did it for the thrill, not the money... She made plenty of money just by being hot. All the whorish behavior was for her own kicks.

 

you seem like a nice guy who has had a tough few days so I'm not going to comment and just leave it at that. Good luck with your relationship.

[deadelvis]

Well, I'm not one to judge. I once ****ed a stripper who spoke only in whines for a whole summer because she paid for my drug habit. People do disgusting things. Honestly... we were both doing disgusting things up until the day we met. Now we just do disgusting things too each other. Ahh... love