aviva_dawn Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 My Mother confronted me several weeks ago about some concerns that she has about the relationship between my boyfriend and I. She insists that a man should pay for any date that happens between himself and his girlfriend. She berates me because my boyfriend expects me to pay for what I personally consume. I do not mind paying my own way and I don't like having a man pay for me. Doing so makes me feel like I'm a commodity. I'm 21, unemployed and live with my Mom while going to school. I've been looking for a job since January, but so far no luck. I saved $5,000 while I was living on my own somewhere else so that if it ever got to the point where I was without a job, I would be able to do what I normally did while I had a job (ie: going out to eat with friends, personal items, meals in the school, necessary clothing, and little things that I need.) I pay for my share of our dates from this money (I have about 4200 of it left. I started using the money in January.)and Mom is irate about it. Also, she doesn't like the fact that whenever we stay overnight with one another, he pays for a motel room for the two of us. She says that if he respected me, he would take me to his own home if he wants to spend the night. (This has become a moot point recently, since we haven't spent a night together nor had sex since the beginning of March. My boyfriend is working 12+ hours a day Monday-Friday as well as 5 hours on the weekends, and I'm consumed with school and so there hasn't been time to do the stuff that we used to do.) My Mom also complains that my boyfriend doesn't buy things for me. I've never felt that just because my boyfriend doesn't buy me material items doesn't mean that he doesn't give me the gifts of caring, love and understanding. I'm satisfied, and even though I respect, love and listen to my Mom, her comments are getting on my nerves. She says that if a man can't give his girlfriend jewelry and other things, he is using the person. (Details of the relationship between my boyfriend and I are explained in a few of my last few posts if you need the context that this relationship is in.) Is she right? Am I right? Why are all of her comments making me feel so confused?
Pocky Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 At twenty-one your relationship with your mother should include mutual respect. It appears as though she doesn't have any respect for you. It's time you implemented it.
JanieQP Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Your mother might have picked up on something in your relationship, and that might well be valid, but some of her arguments seem to contradict each other. More important is: how do you feel about your relationship? What's working well for you, what points would you like to improve?
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