MonroeBridge Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I met a girl online about month ago from my hometown. We've been texting for about a month. In between that time she's been busy with work or on vacation. Before she left for her 1st vacation I asked if ask if she wanted to meet up sometime. She said for sure, and also said she didn't mind if I texted her on vacation. So we lightly texted and kept in touch. I've brought up the idea of making plans to meet a few time because I thought she might be nervous about it, so I just wanted to kick some ideas around. Both times she was reluctant to say anything/make plans. I didn't get to explain this to her, but she doesn't drive...and my main motive for asking that question was to let her know I understand she might be embarrassed about having a friend drive her, etc... so lets just talk and find something that works for both of us. She's even busier now with work. She only has a few hours in he evening to herself. I'm just a little nervous about how to continue this and was wondering what women in the same situation would want a guy to do. I want her to know that I understand and respect her schedule, time, and life. I just feel like saying that at this moment might be weird... Maybe in 4-5 days it might be more appropriate or I'll find an opening for that conversation because I will also be extremely busy with work too. I do initiate the conversation more than her. Mostly just once a day. I try to stay away from the "what's up" text but instead ask about something specific in regards to something she was doing that day. If she doesn't respond soon she always says "Sorry if was doing this or fell asleep. etc. There have been a few times where she surprised me with the first text. I know texting is not how you're supposed to get to know someone... and it's strange texting someone you've never met. Of course I don't know for sure, but I don't think she's trying to give me the brush off either. This is just a case of busy schedules and her maybe being a nervous about meeting. I'm also a little nervous about asking her if it's ok to text her because she's so busy right now... I feel like she would think... "I'm busy and tired and he wants to have this conversation???..." If I text her I'd rather stick to the hey how are you type of talk to let her know I was thinking about her and care. So from what I've said... if you were her: 1. Should I check up on her once a day to see how she is and see where the conversation goes? 2. Wait a few days and see if she responds first? 3. Maybe on Thursday or Friday (today is Wednesday) ask if she's doing anything fun this weekend? 4. If we don't meet this weekend try to have a conversation about how we're busy and agree on texting/ways times that are best for us to keep in touch? Any other advice would be much appreciated! Thanks.
Her Bridges Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 You also have to remember that this is online. She is probably being cautious, and rightly so! Meeting up with completely anonymous people from the internet can be scary, even dangerous. So, my suggestion is to first move from anonymous texting (because it IS anonymous, you're just pixels to her) to phone calls and Skype. Let her see your face, hear your voice, interact with actual *you". This way you both still have a safety net but can interact and get to know each other in a much more personal level. It doesn't have to be a multi-hour Skype date, the point is to improve the quality of your interactions. After some of that she will probably open up about the idea of a meetup... that or the face to face interactions will help you both decide if you even want to.
Toodaloo Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 5. Stop it. What is happening is that she likes talking to you but she isn't all that keen on dating you. If she were keen she would make time to meet you instead of making excuses. I am sorry to say this is going no where. Curl up in a corner, lick your wounds for a bit then give yourself a shake and pick yourself up and get back out there so you can meet girls who DO want to date you. 1
Toodaloo Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 You also have to remember that this is online. She is probably being cautious, and rightly so! Meeting up with completely anonymous people from the internet can be scary, even dangerous. Statistically its no more dangerous than catching a bus... Death by donkey kick is more common than death by freaky weirdo you met on line. They can meet in neutral territory in public... Because ya know thats what grown ups do to protect their personal safety while getting out to meet people...
Vercetti Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 With next girl limit text to setting a date. If wants a conversation can have in person. If want to know how day went, can spend day with you..
Author MonroeBridge Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 Just to clarify... we work in the same profession and are guaranteed to cross paths with in the next month at the same event... how do I approach texting her until then.
Her Bridges Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Statistically its no more dangerous than catching a bus... Death by donkey kick is more common than death by freaky weirdo you met on line. They can meet in neutral territory in public... Because ya know thats what grown ups do to protect their personal safety while getting out to meet people... I know the statistics. I'm bringing it up from the female perspective, many are often on the defense. Even if it's unlikely it's still in the back of her mind that she needs to be cautious. It's not a slight on this guy, it's often how we are raised and trained to think. There are entire product markets designed around the idea that women need to be on the defensive at all times... that didn't just come from thin air. This may also be her first or one of her first attempts at online dating. We don't know the chick. Age has less to do with it than simple experience. It's okay to be nervous about a first date with someone you've only known in writing. You can bring up the scenario that she's not interested, I'll bring up the one where she's hesitant Both are equally likely options based on these few paragraphs from the OP, but since he's in the situation he'll have to be the judge.
Author MonroeBridge Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 Just to clarify... we work in the same profession and are guaranteed to cross paths with in the next month at the same event... how do I approach texting her until then..... maybe in a few weeks mention that event?....
Her Bridges Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Just to clarify... we work in the same profession and are guaranteed to cross paths with in the next month at the same event... how do I approach texting her until then..... maybe in a few weeks mention that event?.... Give us a chance Is there a reason you would wait about mentioning it? I mean obviously don't force it into conversation, but I see no reason to wait on a simple "Here's this conference/symposium/banquet I have to go to for work, is your company also sending people?" A little conversation, lead to "so you want to grab lunch while we're both there?" or something. 1
Author MonroeBridge Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 Her Bridges: Thanks! it's at the end of the month. I might again make sure she's cool with texting and let her know I respect her space... then mention it.
katiegrl Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Statistically its no more dangerous than catching a bus... Death by donkey kick is more common than death by freaky weirdo you met on line. They can meet in neutral territory in public... Because ya know thats what grown ups do to protect their personal safety while getting out to meet people... LOL @ "death by donkey kick".. crack me up girl! You are too cute. Is there really a statistic on that? I agree with you by the way...,
Toodaloo Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Just to clarify... we work in the same profession and are guaranteed to cross paths with in the next month at the same event... how do I approach texting her until then. You don't. You be professional and get on with it instead of letting emotions over some stupid texts that went no where and she has no intention of going anywhere get in the way of you making the appropriate choices for your employer... Or you can carry on texting, carry on asking, get your knickers into a twist and be all silly and upset because your emotions are all over the place and you have become emotionally invested in this girl... And yes katiegrl statistically you are far more likely to be killed by a donkey kicking you than by a wacko you met on the internet... Regardless of how many donkeys you actually deal with on a day to day basis... I guess death by braying ass is just not sensational enough for the papers though. So sad that Donkeys world wide are just not hitting the press... We should start a petition for donkeys worldwide... Actually I think buses are more dangerous too... Couldn't find that one as quickly though... Monroe, mate - seriously you are putting in a bucket load of effort for a girl who isn't all that into you. You are going to end up with egg on your face or being called a stalker at this event you both have to go to. Stop it. She doesn't want you to chase her. Back off already. Respect starts with respecting yourself.
Vercetti Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Give us a chance Is there a reason you would wait about mentioning it? I mean obviously don't force it into conversation, but I see no reason to wait on a simple "Here's this conference/symposium/banquet I have to go to for work, is your company also sending people?" A little conversation, lead to "so you want to grab lunch while we're both there?" or something. Texting a month in advance makes it seem have NOTHING going on. It also gives her tons of time to back out. Then LUNCH are you trying to be her girlfriend best text buddy. Work thing bad idea, first it's a work thing but you're asking a closed question All she has to say is NO even if she is going.
Her Bridges Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 (edited) Texting a month in advance makes it seem have NOTHING going on. It also gives her tons of time to back out. Then LUNCH are you trying to be her girlfriend best text buddy. Work thing bad idea, first it's a work thing but you're asking a closed question All she has to say is NO even if she is going. If she backs out, then she backs out, and his dilemma is solved. Same if she says no. First it's a work thing, yes, obviously and I'd hope he'd know that if he had any professional sense. Honestly though what's wrong with lunch? It can be casual. Plus imagine the awkwardness when they run into each other at a work event and she's completely unaware. I mean you mentioned creepy stalker vibe, him knowing they'll likely both be there and not letting her know? (I'm assuming they each have a general idea of the other's appearance based on profile pics.) At the very least I'd think it a courtesy to give her a heads up. Edited August 5, 2015 by Her Bridges
Toodaloo Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 (edited) She has been "backing out" for over a month now... Dilemma is already solved. Issue here is now to encourage OP to get over it and move on. Just how much more clear does she need to be??? 6 months of being polite or does she have to get F off tattooed on her forehead??? Edited August 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content retained.
fitnessfan365 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 The longer you text w/o making definite plans, the more you encourage being a pen pal. The only way to make her feel the urgency to meet, is to stop texting regularly w-her. Contact her today saying - "It's time to meet in person. When r u free?" If she gives you any sort of busy don't know excuse, you simply say "Gotta run. But feel free to get in touch when you're ready to meet." Then you simply stop contacting her and leave the ball in her court. If she reaches out after that, you cut right to the chase "Hiya! When r u free to meet up?" If she does the same "busy" crap again, repeat the process. "Gotta run, but get in touch when you're ready to meet". Repeatedly doing this will either make her finally meet you in person, or go away and stop wasting your time. Either way it's a win. Remember since you've never met her, you should have a walk away if you don't get what you want mentality. Texting isn't dating! 1
Her Bridges Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 (edited) She has been "backing out" for over a month now... Dilemma is already solved. Issue here is now to encourage OP to get over it and move on. Just how much more clear does she need to be??? 6 months of being polite or does she have to get F off tattooed on her forehead??? I didn't insist she was interested or that he should keep pursuing. However his questions WERE about how to address, and that's what I answered. You go right ahead and tell him it's a lost cause. Personally I'm not drawing a conclusion either way, just responding to what he asked. He asked what to DO, he didn't ask anyone to make decisions for him. And I still find it respectful to give her a heads up on the work situation that HE is aware of so that SHE is too. Regardless or perhaps because of the need for separation between work and personal life, such a run in can be uncomfortable (whether he cuts ties now or keeps texting, they're GOING to both be there). Edited August 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to edited post redacted.
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