imtrying211 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Today is the day I take my life back. Today is the day I finally get honest with myself. Today is the day that I start to heal myself. Today is the day I start listening to all the advice that has been given to me here. I plan on having a conversation with the ex later on to let him know I can no longer carry on this way. I can no longer continue to talk to him like everything is OK, like I am OK. I am an emotional wreck right now knowing what I'm about to do. I feel like I'm back at day 1 of the breakup, or like I'm breaking up with him by ending this pseudo friends relationship we have going on. It's hard enough having to deal with the constant reminders of him everywhere, and having to see him at work, but to continue to subject myself to "happy" interactions is too much to handle anymore. I feel like at almost 4 months post breakup I should be doing better. Obviously what I've been doing is not working, so it's time to make a change. No more playing games, no more making excuses, no more waiting around. I'm giving up, giving up on him, on us, on what could've been and what could be. I know it's going to be tough, but it's going to be worth it. 6
aloneinaz Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Good for you! I love your attitude about reaching the "enough" stage. The only challenge I have for you is this-- Why have a conversation with him about this at all? Won't it further drag up all the drama of the dead relationship and further set you back? Just a thought, but why not send him a work email that's short and sweet. Let him know you are asking him to no longer engage w/you what-so-ever. You want NC as you move forward w/your life. If he replies and wants to debate you on this, ignore him. The same goes if you see him at work. Keep walking. He'll quickly get it and leave you alone. I had a GF who I gently broke up with. She couldn't accept it and kept chasing me. She'd come by my house, call me all the time, email me, etc. I tried to be nice at first but I figured out by engaging w/her, it was encouraging further contact. I finally started ignoring her. She kept at it for a few months of occasional emails. I think she finally reached "acceptance" that I felt it was OVER and she then vanished. As the dumper, I got that she didn't want to keep engaging w/me in a futile effort. She FINALLY figured out that going NC was the only way she'd move on and heal. I wish you luck on the path that you chose. 1
Author imtrying211 Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 I know you're probably right about sending an email instead. I guess I just want that one last time face to face. I really don't see us talking again in the future, so it will be that "final" talk and I don't want to regret not having it. I know, I'm probably just giving myself one last bit of torture by doing it this way, but I'm sure that if I start to dive too deep into the topic of our failed relationship with him he will probably put a stop to it. With an email I'm afraid I'll just be a babbling fool, and he may just hit delete before getting to the point I want to make. I'll see how the day progresses though. If I can't get my emotions in check there's no way I can face him, so an email may be my only option.
pillowpuffs Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Good on you. It takes a lot of strength to get into that mindset that you're in. I understand why you'd want to meet him face to face. I understand the potential regret you'd feel. But like you said, you have to make sure your emotions are in order. You have to really tell yourself that you have nothing to lose when you're talking to him - say what you want to say, be unapologetic. And try your best not to have any expectations over his reaction to all of this. You are going to be just fine.
aloneinaz Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I know you're probably right about sending an email instead. I guess I just want that one last time face to face. I really don't see us talking again in the future, so it will be that "final" talk and I don't want to regret not having it. I know, I'm probably just giving myself one last bit of torture by doing it this way, but I'm sure that if I start to dive too deep into the topic of our failed relationship with him he will probably put a stop to it. With an email I'm afraid I'll just be a babbling fool, and he may just hit delete before getting to the point I want to make. I'll see how the day progresses though. If I can't get my emotions in check there's no way I can face him, so an email may be my only option. Ultimately, you're going to do what you think is best. Personally, I think this is wrong and to be honest, a bit selfish of you as well. You're forcing him to have to hear you vomit all your emotions and feelings on him, after all this time since he ended it. You chose to stay LC w/him and be his friend. Now, you're realizing it's not the right path to take, thus you have to do this face to face to see his reaction and potentially get him upset too. It really isn't needed or necessary and I PROMISE YOU, you're going to feel terrible about it afterwards. It won't change anything and frankly, will only stroke his ego further while you go home an emotional wreck. You'd feel so much better about yourself and maintain your pride and dignity if you simply stop talking to him. If you run into him, THEN be short and to the point about wanting no further contact and thanks for understanding while your walking away.
BriNyc82 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I agree with the OP. It's not necessary to contact him and let him know you are "over him" (for REAL this time right?). If I regret anything, it's breaking NC to let him have it just one more time. I keep replaying that last fight over and over and I should have just remained NC. Because now, I am struggling to forgive myself which is even worse than trying to forgive someone else. I don't think anything good will come of this. I know you want to tell him that you are done. But he probably doesnt care to hear it 2
Sunshine09 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) I agree with the OP. It's not necessary to contact him and let him know you are "over him" (for REAL this time right?). If I regret anything, it's breaking NC to let him have it just one more time. I keep replaying that last fight over and over and I should have just remained NC. Because now, I am struggling to forgive myself which is even worse than trying to forgive someone else. I don't think anything good will come of this. I know you want to tell him that you are done. But he probably doesnt care to hear it Yup, they really don't care and all that it does is inflates their egos more :/ Edited August 6, 2015 by Sunshine09
Author imtrying211 Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Ultimately, you're going to do what you think is best. Personally, I think this is wrong and to be honest, a bit selfish of you as well. You're forcing him to have to hear you vomit all your emotions and feelings on him, after all this time since he ended it. You chose to stay LC w/him and be his friend. Now, you're realizing it's not the right path to take, thus you have to do this face to face to see his reaction and potentially get him upset too. It really isn't needed or necessary and I PROMISE YOU, you're going to feel terrible about it afterwards. It won't change anything and frankly, will only stroke his ego further while you go home an emotional wreck. You'd feel so much better about yourself and maintain your pride and dignity if you simply stop talking to him. If you run into him, THEN be short and to the point about wanting no further contact and thanks for understanding while your walking away. Well I chickened out of talking to him anyway. Once I got my emotions together, I couldn't bring myself to speak to him face to face. It's too difficult for me. I honestly don't care how he would feel about it. He didn't care how I felt when he ended things. I will write to him today instead, but keep it short and to the point. I know he won't respond, and will respect my request to no longer communicate. I think that's better for me to do instead of waiting for the next time he approaches me, because I don't know if I'd have to courage to just walk away.
Author imtrying211 Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 I agree with the OP. It's not necessary to contact him and let him know you are "over him" (for REAL this time right?). If I regret anything, it's breaking NC to let him have it just one more time. I keep replaying that last fight over and over and I should have just remained NC. Because now, I am struggling to forgive myself which is even worse than trying to forgive someone else. I don't think anything good will come of this. I know you want to tell him that you are done. But he probably doesnt care to hear it I think maybe you were confused by my post. My intentions were not to tell him I am over him, because I'm not, and I wouldn't be breaking NC, because we haven't been in it. Basically I'd be letting him know that I need to go NC and can't carry on talking as if we are friends because it is preventing me from moving on. I'm sure he really doesn't care how I'm feeling, and I don't plan on pouring my heart out to him. I know there's no point. This is me letting him go....finally.
aloneinaz Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Well I chickened out of talking to him anyway. Once I got my emotions together, I couldn't bring myself to speak to him face to face. It's too difficult for me. I honestly don't care how he would feel about it. He didn't care how I felt when he ended things. I will write to him today instead, but keep it short and to the point. I know he won't respond, and will respect my request to no longer communicate. I think that's better for me to do instead of waiting for the next time he approaches me, because I don't know if I'd have to courage to just walk away. I think this is smart to not have the face to face with him. I also hope it's a very short email. A couple of lines and done. I think once you send click and start to keep days/weeks/months with out of sight, out of mind under your belt, you'll feel much better. Good luck.
Gus Grimly Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Yup, they really don't care and all that it does is inflates their egos more :/ It definitely inflates their ego, especially if they're a narcissist to begin with. Best way to get back is to live an awesome life and forget about them completely.
Recommended Posts