Author PavlaM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 YOU are bending over backwards here to please him, and he just went NAH! I suggest you stop running yourself ragged trying to make sure you see each other all the time. Stop traveling late at night, and spending all week end at his place. Stop living out of suitcases. Stop exhausting yourself with late night rendez-vous's start looking after number one and that is YOU. Prioritize YOU and YOUR job. He doesn't need anything to change, he has a great life He has shown, he is not yet on board with living with you. So stop running after him and pandering to him. Take stock here. Hello, thank you very much. You are right. Also the thing is that he is quite jellous of me. When I go out or something. Last time he didnt even wanted to let me go for holiday business trip where I was invited by one media agency as a client. For me it is networking, for him it is fear that I will meet someone else there. So if he will decide not to live with me, because he has doubts he has to accept that I will go for trips, holiday and spent time as I was used to before we were together. Maybe this will make him to make some "action"
Author PavlaM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 In my eyes it's really obvious. You are an insecure person who searches for validation through other people (I recognise it cause I am like this as well). Hs is still an immature guy who has not yet gone through the "single" phase of his life. He likes to have his own time and space to play his games, see his gf, go to work and that's that. It seems you make all the effort to go to him. He doesnt show any real urge to see you, you are no challenge for him, you are there when he wants. Living together with this guy at this moment of his life is going to validate you but it wont work. Him being younger and that not ready for a serious relationship is gonna be your downfall. You have to start solving your own insecurity issues before you move in with anyone really. I know you find my words hard but if you read them again in like two years you will know I am right. Dont get disappointed, things will get better. Good luck. Hello, thank you. Yes one my friend told me yesterday that he also finds me insecure. So there is probably something about it. He told me, "just enjoy your live" without need of living with someone etc. But I just want to make things easier. My boyfriend also makes an effort to travel to my place but he works very near my place so it is not such a deal for him. But for me, it is always a long way late evening
Author PavlaM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Since you also stated you have no current interest in getting married nor having children, then can you accept the reality stated in your post? He loves you in his own way, you are his first girlfriend after many years and you can't wait so long for nothing? Accepting the real is the first step in attempting to resolve differences. If the differences are found to be irreconcilable, the relationship ends. If the current logistics regarding disparate locations are frustrating, his move to new quarters could be timed to mitigate that aspect. You and he can work as a team, with him respecting your desire for constancy and you respecting his desire for independence. Relationships, healthy ones anyway, are often a compromise. No one gets everything they want all of the time, nor nothing they want none of the time. Minds meet or people go their separate ways. Thank you very much. Yes, this is what I would like to. And this is why I told him that if we live together it is about making things easier and that he can still have his privacy. I wanted to show him and work on the positive side of it. But yes I am trying to see this side of him loving me and taking it personaly
Author PavlaM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Wanting to live with an SO is not insecure in & off itself. Bending over backwards -- he can have his own room, she'll vacate her own home for weekends at a time -- is troubling. She shouldn't have to agree to leave to make him happy & the fact that the OP thought of this with no prompting from the BF raises some red flags in her psyche. Based on the length of the leases involved, it will most likely be another year before this discussion is ripe again. Pushing for a middle ground could have legal & financial repercussions. Just because her BF doesn't want a live-in GF doesn't mean he wants to be single. My husband is one of the most loyal, steady, stable people I know. He didn't want to live together either. Her certainly didn't want his freedom but he wasn't ready for 24/7 at the time his lease expired about 1 year into our relationship. Hello, the thing is that I told him this after his reaction. He said I want to be alone and have my privacy. I told him that this things can be even if people live together. Just to show him that there are always compromises.
Author PavlaM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 I agree with most on this thread. My BF and I are in a similar place, in that he's getting a rent hike in October, and he doesn't want to pay it, so he's going to have to start looking for a new place. We've been dating 11 months. However, I DO NOT want to move in together (luckily, he hasn't asked). I have no desire to live with a BF until such time as we decide that we are going to get engaged and married. Moving in together without those future commitments just seems foolish, as the simple act of moving in together is not a guarantee of future promise. However, since I have a stupidly complicated roommate situation, and cannot at this time afford my own place, I have to come to his place to see him. It would be cheaper for him to move south of where he is now, but my house is north and east of here. He told me that he's going to look for a place that's still close to his office, but closer to me to make it easier on me. He came up with that idea all on his own, and I thought it was quite considerate of him. Maybe your BF can do the same—find a place that's closer to you to mitigate some of the distance and traveling. Hello, yes that I was thinking as well, that he could live closer to me. But I thing that moving in is actualy guarancy that you know who you will get married. So maybe you should move in with him. It will be the test for your relationship. If you find now that you are not compatible it is better to know sooner than too late. I know people around me who were hesitating to live with someone for years for the same reason. Than they started to live together and broke up within months. You will get to know the person the best way when you live together.
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