acm1889 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Hi guys, Primarily, I would like to apologize for the length of my email, but I would really appreciate your help. Please share your thoughts with me. A year ago I’ve started dating a really beautiful and smart girl. We kissed on our second date; make out a little bit on our third date. On the forth date I got her completely undressed in my car but we didn’t have sex cause she is still a virgin. After dating one and half month, she gave me a bj in my car and with nasty finish. After that she said, you know, I’ve never done this with any guy whatsoever…I really don’t know how to interpret this statement of hers, cause we all know what this sentence means….. After that she gave me a bj practically on our every date. Two months in our relationship, we had an anal sex, but for a little bit cause she didn’t like it and she was in pain. Additionally, besides sex, we have done everything early in our relationship (facial, mouth etc). Now one thing bothers me a lot, she says she a shy person, but when we kiss in my car on a parking lot, she gets horny pretty easy and grabs my d..k instantly. She doesn’t mind giving me bj in front of her building where she practically lives, and I was pretty shocked and surprised cause what kind of a girl will give you bj near her building. What if her father passes or her mother, brother or sister???? She doesn’t seem shy at all, but every time she unzips my pants she loses control. One time I’ve said to her, come on, people are passing by, someone can see us – stuff that she was supposed to say not me – and she doesn’t give a damn at all. I’m starting to freak out here, because I have completely different opinion about this girl now. I don’t want to date a an easy girl. I don’t want to sound like a boy, but this is completely out of any normal context. Also, when she started giving me a bj, her skills were awful. But as time went by, she started doing it like a porn star. She gets extremely horny when I talk dirty to her… Also, she doesn’t mind giving me a bj in the middle of the day in the park...I mean people are passing by and she doesn’t have a problem with that. Also she want to kiss a lot, when we are in bars, and when we seat in park, she sometimes grabs me down there??? Recently she started sending me stupid articles about sperm – sperm is rich with calcium and etc and it’s healthy for your teeth – and she wrote: next time I’ll just smile and you can finish on my teeth…Well I don’t like her behavior at all now. In fact she seems pretty discussing to me…. Is this a normal behavior of a girl how haven’t done things like this before? Or she is a pathological liar? She had two short relationships before me with no sex whatsoever. Is this girl an easy girl how was pretending all the time? Cause I’ve had a lot of girlfriends before her and had a lot of sex, but even the sluttiest girls won’t allow me to stuff that I’m doing with my current girlfriend. She says she loves and she will do anything for me, I mean anything I say. Is it possible that I have unleashed a hidden spark of hers and get her to behave like this when we do stuff? I have to add though that all her female friends are kind of slutty and they look to me like a bunch of easy girls who screw around with everyone. I don’t like them at all. She, in my occasions, swore on her mothers, brothers, sisters live that she has never done this with any guy before…. Now I’m totally confused and don’t know what should I do. I love her but her behavior is totally opposite of what she says she is (shy, introvert, no sexual experience etc). It’s interesting that every time I start talking bad about sluts she get little bit nervous and she lights up a cigarette (she doesn’t smoke on a regular basis though). And this happens every time. The biggest problem in all of this is that I already introduced her to my parents and they absolutely love her. She is sweet, polite and really really shy around them. I don’t want to disappoint them. What the hell should I do now? I even wanted to propose to her, but her behavior is really scaring me…I don’t want to date an easy girl cause I’m really a nice guy. According to everything I’ve wrote, do you think that possibly this girl is lying to? The reason why I’m asking these questions is because I don’t want to waste my time with her anymore if it turns out that she was an undercover slut and pretending all this time and lying to me. All advices are welcome. Thank you very much! p.s. I’m 29 years old she is 21.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 It sounds like you've unleashed a beast! I don't necessarily think she's lying to you. She got a taste of what a sex life is like, and she went at it full throttle. If she's reading silly articles about calcium content in sperm, I would imagne she's already reading other nonsense crap about how to please a man, what to do in bed, and so on. She needs some boundaries. Does she know you don't like some of this behaviour? You shouldn't feel uncomfortable during a sexual act either. If she's trying to jump you in public and you don't like it, you need to tell her to stop. As for you, cut out the "slut" talk. You are participating in this too (you got her undressed in your car on your fourth date, correct?) and she might think you're applying that label to her. It's also generally a turn-off for women to hear men referring to other women as "sluts." You're nearly 30, you should know that by now. If she is more experienced than she lets on, she's likely not going to open up to you now. 2
Omei Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Sounds like she really digs you and you make her wild. That's good so her sex drive is high right now she wants you. I don't think she is lying there's no reason for that! Maybe she's a little like me im very shy esp with my body etc but I get really into it once its started I push through my fears and go for it, its thrilling.
d0nnivain Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I think you have a whore Madonna complex & you are slut shaming this woman because it turns out she enjoys sex. Most men would be envious of you. Yet you are complaining. Break up with her because she deserves to date & fall in love with a guy who appreciates the fact that she seems to like sex. 11
angelcake Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I think you have a whore Madonna complex & you are slut shaming this woman because it turns out she enjoys sex. Most men would be envious of you. Yet you are complaining. Break up with her because she deserves to date & fall in love with a guy who appreciates the fact that she seems to like sex. I completely agree! ^^^ To the OP, you sound hypocritical in that you shame her but yet you go along with all of it. It doesn't sound like you take yourself out of her mouth and dare her to touch you again. You enjoy it, too...you are just worried that she has done this with other guys. She sounds like an exhibitionist, but you aren't able to appreciate the wild side of her. Let her find someone who will. 3
Natalie8 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Also, she doesn’t mind giving me a bj in the middle of the day in the park Cause I’ve had a lot of girlfriends before her and had a lot of sex, but even the sluttiest girls won’t allow me to stuff I have to add though that all her female friends are kind of slutty and they look to me like a bunch of easy girls who screw around with everyone. I don’t like them at all. every time I start talking bad about sluts don’t want to date an easy girl cause I’m really a nice guy. . You think you are a really nice guy, really? You use the word 'slut' a bit too much to be a nice guy. So you let her give you a bj in the middle of the park but you are judging her. I think she is an exhibitionist while you are a judgemental hypocrite. I have no way of telling whether she is lying or not. She might have just found her wild side.You are obviously not right for each other. Let her go so she can find someone who respects women enough not to use the word slut. 2
Zagan Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 At first her skills were awful, but after time she started doing it like a pornstar? You've just said she was performing oral sex on you on a daily basis and you still can't understand why her technique would improve? You've had a lot of girlfriends before and a lot of sex? By your own philosophy this would make you the slut. She's just somebody who is learning new experiences and enjoying her new found sexuality. You have an insecure, immature perspective of women and sex so you might want to share your thoughts with her so she can go and find someone who appreciates the effort she's clearly going to to keep her 'man' satisfied. 2
salparadise Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Oh yea, you've got a problem on your hands alright. A woman who gets turned on by you quickly, often and gives you blowjobs with a nasty finish in public places... a cum-loving little slut who knows how to behave in polite company and make your parents love her... inexperienced but takes to sex like a duck to water... Dude, all I can say is that if you don't get you mind right and show her some appreciation, you're going to end up dreaming about that magic 21 year-old woman that you were too immature (or stupid) to hold onto... after you're married to one who has cut you off, demeans and criticizes you for wanting sex, looking at blowjob porn and having a filthy, perverted mind. But if you're determined to kick her to the curb for one who's demure, chaste and virtuous... will you please send her to me and tell her you know a guy who would appreciate everything about her. Are you phuking her, or still holding out? 1
rr99 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Dear forum members, I’m the guy who wrote the question above (acm1899). However, my account has been disabled apparently. First off, I would like to apologize if my question was too degrading to women in general. That was not my intention at all. I just wanted to hear some different thoughts from both men and women. Anyhow, my question was misinterpreted completely. Hence, I will try to paraphrase the content of my original question. Obviously, I’ve outlined too many details in my story so the other forum members can profoundly understand my concern and share their experience. With this I meant people who have been in the exact same situation like me. In that context, several forum members share their experience. I’m extremely thankful for that. I do apologize if I exaggerated with the word ‘slut’ but I didn’t mean to offend anybody, I mean anybody! NO! It’s just this entire situation with my girlfriend – which I love the most – was eating me alive. I just wanted to make sure that everything she says it’s true. All I wanted is to communicate with you guys and share our ‘different’ thoughts about this particular issue. I apologize once again if anyone was offended.
Natalie8 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) You say you wanted to make sure that everything she says is true. But us forum members can not tell you that and i think it is dangerous to give too much weight to the opinion of strangers. For instance you can have guys replying who might have been burnt by a girl who claimed to be a virgin but turned out to be not to. So they reply to your post and tell you that your girl must be a liar too.. but they dont know, really. It is not your question that is degrading to women in general but your repeated use of the word slut. I dont think we misinterpreted your question. As far as i understand your gf doesnt act like you would expect from a virgin so you think she might be lying about being a virgin. I am not a guy so i cant say i have been in this situation but i have had an ex who told me that only sluts enjoy sex,all women who enjoy giving head are sluts etc. You refer to -some of your- exes as slutty. I dont know why you choose that word but it sounds like you use it to describe someone who have no inhibitions, willing to try things and makes it clear that she enjoys sex. Women can be just as sexual as men, with just as high sex drive. This can scare/suprise some guys i guess who have his notion that only sluts do this and that. My answer to your issue (apart from to drop the word slut from your dictionary)is that you could tell your gf to tone it down while you are out , tell her that being possible caught/watched by strangers while having sex doesnt turn you on and you would prefer all sex acts to happen indoors. Not starting passionate kissing sessions with her in the car or park could help too. Being enthusiastic about pleasing you, having a high sex drive ( i know you are not having full sex), enjoying the thrill of being caught by strangers in the middle of a bj doesnt mean she is lying about being a virgin. Lying about being a virgin wouldnt make her a patological liar though. You say this is eating you up despite of having a great relationship where you love her, she is loving and intelligent, your parents love her and she is eager to please, just a bit too forward and uninhibited. You might be incompatible sexually Edited August 6, 2015 by Natalie8
Grumpybutfun Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Women are people. Understand that or don't date. Double standards and gatekeepers are immature. Move on because you aren't mature enough to date yet. Geez, (I seem to be saying this a lot lately) G
LostOnes05 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Bro, you're a lucky dude...enjoy it or you'll be kicking yourself later!!
Redhead14 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Hi guys, Primarily, I would like to apologize for the length of my email, but I would really appreciate your help. Please share your thoughts with me. A year ago I’ve started dating a really beautiful and smart girl. We kissed on our second date; make out a little bit on our third date. On the forth date I got her completely undressed in my car but we didn’t have sex cause she is still a virgin. After dating one and half month, she gave me a bj in my car and with nasty finish. After that she said, you know, I’ve never done this with any guy whatsoever…I really don’t know how to interpret this statement of hers, cause we all know what this sentence means….. After that she gave me a bj practically on our every date. Two months in our relationship, we had an anal sex, but for a little bit cause she didn’t like it and she was in pain. Additionally, besides sex, we have done everything early in our relationship (facial, mouth etc). Now one thing bothers me a lot, she says she a shy person, but when we kiss in my car on a parking lot, she gets horny pretty easy and grabs my d..k instantly. She doesn’t mind giving me bj in front of her building where she practically lives, and I was pretty shocked and surprised cause what kind of a girl will give you bj near her building. What if her father passes or her mother, brother or sister???? She doesn’t seem shy at all, but every time she unzips my pants she loses control. One time I’ve said to her, come on, people are passing by, someone can see us – stuff that she was supposed to say not me – and she doesn’t give a damn at all. I’m starting to freak out here, because I have completely different opinion about this girl now. I don’t want to date a an easy girl. I don’t want to sound like a boy, but this is completely out of any normal context. Also, when she started giving me a bj, her skills were awful. But as time went by, she started doing it like a porn star. She gets extremely horny when I talk dirty to her… Also, she doesn’t mind giving me a bj in the middle of the day in the park...I mean people are passing by and she doesn’t have a problem with that. Also she want to kiss a lot, when we are in bars, and when we seat in park, she sometimes grabs me down there??? Recently she started sending me stupid articles about sperm – sperm is rich with calcium and etc and it’s healthy for your teeth – and she wrote: next time I’ll just smile and you can finish on my teeth…Well I don’t like her behavior at all now. In fact she seems pretty discussing to me…. Is this a normal behavior of a girl how haven’t done things like this before? Or she is a pathological liar? She had two short relationships before me with no sex whatsoever. Is this girl an easy girl how was pretending all the time? Cause I’ve had a lot of girlfriends before her and had a lot of sex, but even the sluttiest girls won’t allow me to stuff that I’m doing with my current girlfriend. She says she loves and she will do anything for me, I mean anything I say. Is it possible that I have unleashed a hidden spark of hers and get her to behave like this when we do stuff? I have to add though that all her female friends are kind of slutty and they look to me like a bunch of easy girls who screw around with everyone. I don’t like them at all. She, in my occasions, swore on her mothers, brothers, sisters live that she has never done this with any guy before…. Now I’m totally confused and don’t know what should I do. I love her but her behavior is totally opposite of what she says she is (shy, introvert, no sexual experience etc). It’s interesting that every time I start talking bad about sluts she get little bit nervous and she lights up a cigarette (she doesn’t smoke on a regular basis though). And this happens every time. The biggest problem in all of this is that I already introduced her to my parents and they absolutely love her. She is sweet, polite and really really shy around them. I don’t want to disappoint them. What the hell should I do now? I even wanted to propose to her, but her behavior is really scaring me…I don’t want to date an easy girl cause I’m really a nice guy. According to everything I’ve wrote, do you think that possibly this girl is lying to? The reason why I’m asking these questions is because I don’t want to waste my time with her anymore if it turns out that she was an undercover slut and pretending all this time and lying to me. All advices are welcome. Thank you very much! p.s. I’m 29 years old she is 21. I don't know if she's a pathological liar, but I will say that she apparently has trouble exercising self control and maybe has some kind of sexual addiction. She doesn't appear to be emotionally healthy.
deadelvis Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) ... It’s interesting that every time I start talking bad about sluts she get little bit nervous and she lights up a cigarette (she doesn’t smoke on a regular basis though). And this happens every time. ^^^^This is the most telling part of your whole post. Everytime I get nervous or uncomfortable I do the same thing. I also twitch my left leg compulsively (pantomime #8) when I'm telling an "uncomfortable truth" or put in a position where lying seems tempting. These are called pantomimes. Here's a quote from True Romance "Sicilians are great liars. The best in the world. I'm Sicilian. My father was the world heavy-weight champion of Sicilian liars. From growing up with him I learned the pantomime. There are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies to give himself away. A guy's got seventeen pantomimes. A woman's got twenty, but a guy's got seventeen... but, if you know them, like you know your own face, they beat lie detectors all to hell. Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don't wanna show me nothin', but you're tellin' me everything..." But I think there are actually like 23 pantomimes. Lighting a cigarette and appearing nervous is the most obvious give away that she's nervous. I've got news for you buddy. She's definitely got more skeletons in that closet than she's letting on. Accept it and move on, or do some investigating if you want the real truth. But don't bother asking her about it... Unless you've studied the pantomimes and you're ready to hear a bunch of lies. A liar can never be "confronted" into telling the truth. The more you ask, the more they will lie. Good luck on that one. Edited August 6, 2015 by deadelvis
autumnnight Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I did not have sex until my wedding night. I didn't do anything oral until well into my marriage. BUT...it took like 60 seconds for any touch from my beloved to make me crazy. That is not because I lied; it is because I am wired to crave touch and intimacy, and I am apparently very in touch with that side of me. To decide she is lying because she didn't fumble and bluish and you didn't have to coax her is, well, kind of ridiculous. People who read subtext into everything makes themselves miserable.
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 ...(Are you sure you have your ages the right way round...? )
confuzed23 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I think you have a whore Madonna complex & you are slut shaming this woman because it turns out she enjoys sex. Most men would be envious of you. Yet you are complaining. Break up with her because she deserves to date & fall in love with a guy who appreciates the fact that she seems to like sex. Agreed, sounds like you have the best of both worlds. My girlfriend is a lot like that too. A lady in the streets and a freak in the bed, but I am wise enough to appreciate it and know it's something we do because we both feel safe and completely enjoy each other on every level. If everything else is great in your relationship and there are no real red flags. Don't go looking for and enjoy the ride
mrldii Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 ...I don’t want to date an easy girl cause I’m really a nice guy. Wait. You're right there with her, doing all the things that make her "an easy girl" yet those very same things make you "really a nice guy". Do "really nice guys" usually know the difference between a girl who doesn't know how to give a blow job versus a girl who gives one "like a porn star"? I'm seriously asking, as I've never dated a self-proclaimed "nice guy", let alone a self-proclaimed "really nice guy". Typically once those words leave his lips/fingertips, I'm running for the hills...as in my experience (and I'm still batting a thousand), they always prove in short order that they're not really.
rr99 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Thank you guys for all your honest answers. As a matter of fact, when I think about it better, maybe I'm just overreacting for nothing. The thing is that I've never met a girl like this before. As one forum member mentioned previously 'if she loves you she will do anything for you'. My situation is exactly the same. When we are out with my friend she doesn't talk too much, she is shy, she just holds my hand and smile. She is a lady, no doubt about that. But when we are alone, that's a different story. However, the thing is that I just have to accept the fact that she might be telling truth and trust her completely. I know that she mentioned once that I can ask anyone about her. But I don't want to be a detective and I honestly I don't have time for that. We had that conversation once and I don't want to do it again. In fact, that's not the way a relationship works. Honesty and open communication are crucial for any relationship to succeed. Worst case scenario, if it turns out that she lied to me about everything, she will never see me again. I have to add though that I don't give a damn if she done it (bj) with another guy, but I've never asked her about she brought it up first 'I've never done this with another guy' and 'this is all new to me and it means a lot to me'.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Thank you guys for all your honest answers. As a matter of fact, when I think about it better, maybe I'm just overreacting for nothing. The thing is that I've never met a girl like this before. As one forum member mentioned previously 'if she loves you she will do anything for you'. My situation is exactly the same. When we are out with my friend she doesn't talk too much, she is shy, she just holds my hand and smile. She is a lady, no doubt about that. But when we are alone, that's a different story. However, the thing is that I just have to accept the fact that she might be telling truth and trust her completely. I know that she mentioned once that I can ask anyone about her. But I don't want to be a detective and I honestly I don't have time for that. We had that conversation once and I don't want to do it again. In fact, that's not the way a relationship works. Honesty and open communication are crucial for any relationship to succeed. Worst case scenario, if it turns out that she lied to me about everything, she will never see me again. I have to add though that I don't give a damn if she done it (bj) with another guy, but I've never asked her about she brought it up first 'I've never done this with another guy' and 'this is all new to me and it means a lot to me'. You are never going to know if she is being 100% with you. None of us could know that about our partners. The most we can do is trust that they are being honest with us. If we can't trust them, there is no relationship. You sound like you're very suspicious of her already. If that's the case, it's not going to work out. She might well be wary of telling you anything, given your negative and degrading comments about "slutty" women. If we misinterpreted what you meant, she will have too. Does she know what you think of her friends? You assigned that label to them too. It all comes across as highly judgmental and I'm sure that plays a role in her apparent nervousness when you talk badly about her friends and easy women in general, though I think you're reading way too much into that. You have to decide if you feel you can trust her. If you can't, let her go.
rr99 Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 You're right! We can't never know whether a girl is completely honest with you, especially when we talk about intimacy and past. Maybe I've put a lot of pressure on my gf talking bad about 'Slutty' women and that's why she is so reserved in that aspect. I will try to relax and stop judging people cause maybe it's all in my head and I'm just wasting my time over analyzing things. After all, no one is perfect, right? You are never going to know if she is being 100% with you. None of us could know that about our partners. The most we can do is trust that they are being honest with us. If we can't trust them, there is no relationship. You sound like you're very suspicious of her already. If that's the case, it's not going to work out. She might well be wary of telling you anything, given your negative and degrading comments about "slutty" women. If we misinterpreted what you meant, she will have too. Does she know what you think of her friends? You assigned that label to them too. It all comes across as highly judgmental and I'm sure that plays a role in her apparent nervousness when you talk badly about her friends and easy women in general, though I think you're reading way too much into that. You have to decide if you feel you can trust her. If you can't, let her go.
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