ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 @ExpatInItaly The thing is, I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't ignore that text. I know why he ignored the last one because I told him to take some time, I gave him some leeway. I still wouldn't send it. It looks too desperate
katiegrl Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 If you ask him to be friends after he douched you like that you pretty much rule out him having any respect for you ever again. ^^This! And keep in mind OP, gaius is a man. Believe him and let it go. Go no contact and move on. Sorry. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 @ExpatInItaly The thing is, I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't ignore that text. I know why he ignored the last one because I told him to take some time, I gave him some leeway. I'm sorry OP but you're starting to sound desperate now by making excuses for him. Come on. Don't be THAT girl. The ruling is out and it's unanimous - NC! You don't ever want to be someone's second choice. 2
Author LateLastNight Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 I'm sorry OP but you're starting to sound desperate now by making excuses for him. Come on. Don't be THAT girl. The ruling is out and it's unanimous - NC! You don't ever want to be someone's second choice. I'm not making excuses. I'm just stating a fact. I do know why he hasn't replied. I'm not desperate I just enjoyed the guys company but I haven't texted him even although I wanted to and there's been many things I wanted to say (good and bad)
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Well it's good to know that you haven't succumbed to your desire to reach out to him. That's something to celebrate. As far as not coming off as desperate I think you need to go back and re-read some of your posts and the responses. Besides, YOU asked US if you were coming off desperate and we gave you a resounding YES. Speaking as a woman and looking at this objectively it wreaks of desperation. Desperation in terms of not being able to let it go, needing to stay connected at any cost and clinging to the hope that he might do a U-turn. I get it that you like this guy and genuinely enjoy his company but he's made it clear he's not ready for whatever reason and you need to respect that and give him his space to sort it out. I know it's cliche but if it's meant to be it will happen. Anything other than NC at this point makes you appear clingy and...wait for it...desperate. Good luck. 3
kendahke Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I'm not making excuses. I'm just stating a fact. I do know why he hasn't replied. I'm not desperate I just enjoyed the guys company but I haven't texted him even although I wanted to and there's been many things I wanted to say (good and bad) break open your word program and write it all out in there then delete it.
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I'm not making excuses. I'm just stating a fact. I do know why he hasn't replied. I'm not desperate I just enjoyed the guys company but I haven't texted him even although I wanted to and there's been many things I wanted to say (good and bad) The real clue here that says you are desperate is the fact that you've only been seeing him for 6 weeks and feeling like you have so much to say to him, etc. Forget about him. Go out and have some fun. Find another guy to enjoy time with. The fact is you aren't going to enjoy this guy's company and just being friends if he's stressing over an ex girlfriend. The only thing this guy was doing with you was distracting himself from that relationship. You'd end up being his counselor with him unloading on you about her. Go out and distract yourself from him. You two spent entirely too much time together so early in the "relationship" and you got attached. He wasn't even taking you out anymore -- staying in and watching NetFlix all the time after only 6 weeks? Be honest with yourself . . . you couldn't have been enjoying yourself with him that much. 1
Author LateLastNight Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 (edited) I'm not desperate and at start of week I was blaming my enhanced emotions on PMS but that's subsiding now and now it frigging hurts because now I know I was falling in love with him and now I want to smash his little face in for making me fall in love with him when clearly he knew at the start he wasn't over his ex of seeing her can make him decide he isn't ready for this. Edited August 5, 2015 by LateLastNight
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I'm not desperate and at start of week I was blaming my enhanced emotions on PMS but that's subsiding now and now it frigging hurts because now I know I was falling in love with him and now I want to smash his little face in for making me fall in love with him when clearly he knew at the start he wasn't over his ex. He didn't MAKE you fall in love. You failed to manage your own emotions and expectations. It's unwise to get so involved with someone who is fairly recently out of a relationship. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I'm not desperate and at start of week I was blaming my enhanced emotions on PMS but that's subsiding now and now it frigging hurts because now I know I was falling in love with him and now I want to smash his little face in for making me fall in love with him when clearly he knew at the start he wasn't over his ex of seeing her can make him decide he isn't ready for this. Nobody can make you fall in love. He actually did the right thing by ending it with you, though he could have handled it much more effectively and respectfully. He could've really been a huge jerk and continued seeing you after this, knowing his heart wasn't in it. Instead, he pulled the plug before going any further. I am not defending the way he did it, but ultimately it was the correct thing for him to do. 1
Author LateLastNight Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 He didn't MAKE you fall in love. You failed to manage your own emotions and expectations. It's unwise to get so involved with someone who is fairly recently out of a relationship. It wasn't recent. They broke up before New Year. I wouldn't have looked twice if it had been recent. I've never been that stupid and I don't usually put my emotions into it. I'm actually what most people would call a cold hearted b**** because I don't fall for anyone. Guess it had to happen sooner or later right? Lucky me.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 It wasn't recent. They broke up before New Year. I wouldn't have looked twice if it had been recent. I've never been that stupid and I don't usually put my emotions into it. I'm actually what most people would call a cold hearted b**** because I don't fall for anyone. Guess it had to happen sooner or later right? Lucky me. How long were they together? Depending on the length of the relationship, it can take longer than 6 or 7 months to truly get over it. (I speak from experience here) In any case, he clearly decided that he just wasn't ready yet. Maybe he thought he was too. When he realized that wasn't the case, he called it a day.
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Spending 5 days a week together barely a month into the relship is too much. You're setting yourself up for some drama when you move so fast. Take the time to know somebody before investing this much time and more importantly feelings in them. Next time pace yourself.
Author LateLastNight Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 How long were they together? Depending on the length of the relationship, it can take longer than 6 or 7 months to truly get over it. (I speak from experience here) In any case, he clearly decided that he just wasn't ready yet. Maybe he thought he was too. When he realized that wasn't the case, he called it a day. I don't know exactly but I do know it was less than a year.
Redhead14 Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 @Katiegrl I didn't believe his reasoning I felt like there was more he wanted to say but didn't and that's what annoyed me. Probably didn't come in the right week either my emotions are all over the shot. I usually just brush it off. Think I let me hormones get the better of me. The real reason would have been good. None of this watered down rubbish. The real reason would have been good -- What's more "real" than "Now is not the right time for me (to be in a relationship)? Would it be more real for you if he said "I don't want a relationship with YOU right now because I'd rather be with my ex but I'll have sex with you until I can get back with her?" And, saying that this happened at the "wrong" time because he said it when you were PMSing, is rubbish. What you are saying is "if I could have controlled myself, I would have said all the right things to make him want to have a relationship with me." It's been less than a year since they broke up. It takes a long time to get over someone. You were with him for only 6 weeks and look what it's done to you. 3
kendahke Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) It's been less than a year since they broke up. It takes a long time to get over someone. You were with him for only 6 weeks and look what it's done to you. Yep... OP, you can't fault him for something you're indulging yourself right now. He is still in break up mode and the best you were going to be was a rebound. Lots of people get into rebound relationships because they do not honor the process of breaking up--one has to sit with unpleasant feelings and process them out: IOW, go through them, not around them by getting up with someone too soon and going at breakneck speed to eff their ex out of their system. That doesn't work--never has. 8 months post break up when they've been distracting themselves from the unpleasant and hurtful feelings of being rejected is not a long time. In the future, when a guy says that he broke up with in the past year, you need to keep him at arms length, especially if he got dumped, because he's not through with his ex. A key feature of that is how quickly into relationship mode he wants to go with you--what he's trying to do is distract himself from what he needs to sit with. He tries to get back the familiarity he felt with his ex with someone new, except, it's someone new and it's not the ex, so it's going to implode sooner than later. One who's gone through the range of emotion and have resolved their feelings doesn't go at breakneck speed into a new relationship. They are inclined to go slowly. Edited August 6, 2015 by kendahke 2
GemmaUK Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 I agree with the above and also, sorry, but if a person blames their actions on PMS then I seriously wonder when and whether they might grasp that keeping their own reactions in check would be a way forward. If you know you suffer PMS then be aware of it, know your limits so walk away, go silent if it affects you so much. Own it and take responsibility for it.
Gary S Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Rejection sucs but you have to move on and date other guys.
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