LateLastNight Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Okay, so I'm a woman and most woman know we get a little annoyed. Especially during certain times of the months and the lead up to that time of the month and so... That's what happened. I got a little annoyed. It happens. It happens mostly because of men. So I was seeing a guy and on Saturday he gave me the "Now is not the right time for me" line... This really annoyed me mostly because it came out of nowhere. I mean, I've spent more time in this guy's house since I met him than my own. He initiated everything, kiss, stay over. Everything. It was all him. And I now when a guy is into me... He was into me. Then that? No, I wasn't having it. So I text him and said "Unless you're a really good actor and played me like a fiddle I don't believe you could just walk away like that. I'm too stubborn just to let something go when I believe in it unless you tell me right now that in all the time we've been seeing each other you didn't feel anything" I then said I wasn't going to text him again and it was in his hands.... Nothing. He didn't reply to that text. I told him when we first met that there were two things I couldn't stand. Number 1 being ignored. When I'm ignored it brings out the crazy side of me. God, men. They annoy me. I needed to rant to someone other than my best friend but seriously. men.
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 (edited) Okay, so I'm a woman and most woman know we get a little annoyed. Especially during certain times of the months and the lead up to that time of the month and so... That's what happened. I got a little annoyed. It happens. It happens mostly because of men. So I was seeing a guy and on Saturday he gave me the "Now is not the right time for me" line... This really annoyed me mostly because it came out of nowhere. I mean, I've spent more time in this guy's house since I met him than my own. He initiated everything, kiss, stay over. Everything. It was all him. And I now when a guy is into me... He was into me. Then that? No, I wasn't having it. So I text him and said "Unless you're a really good actor and played me like a fiddle I don't believe you could just walk away like that. I'm too stubborn just to let something go when I believe in it unless you tell me right now that in all the time we've been seeing each other you didn't feel anything" I then said I wasn't going to text him again and it was in his hands.... Nothing. He didn't reply to that text. I told him when we first met that there were two things I couldn't stand. Number 1 being ignored. When I'm ignored it brings out the crazy side of me. God, men. They annoy me. I needed to rant to someone other than my best friend but seriously. men. What do you mean you weren't having it? Are you suggesting that just because a man (or woman if roles are reversed) was into you at some point, that obligates him to stay into you for the rest of his life? People are allowed to change their minds and feelings about someone they're dating...THAT is precisely what dating is for - to determine if someone is right for you. He determined you were not right for him, so he ended it - there is NO reason for you to be "annoyed" at him for that - he didn't do anything wrong. After dating you for awhile, he simply lost interest, which is allowed. That said, I understand that you are HURT. And you every right to be. But not sure what you felt you had to gain by sending him that text - it was way over the top, and probably pushed him away FURTHER. In any event, yeah PMS sucks and I hope you feel better soon! Edited August 4, 2015 by katiegrl 3
Author LateLastNight Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 @Katiegrl I didn't believe his reasoning I felt like there was more he wanted to say but didn't and that's what annoyed me. Probably didn't come in the right week either my emotions are all over the shot. I usually just brush it off. Think I let me hormones get the better of me. The real reason would have been good. None of this watered down rubbish.
xcupid Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 What prompted him to say the "Now is not the right time for me" line? Did he just say it out of the blue or were you and he talking about "the future" or were you having "the talk" with him?
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 @Katiegrl I didn't believe his reasoning I felt like there was more he wanted to say but didn't and that's what annoyed me. Probably didn't come in the right week either my emotions are all over the shot. I usually just brush it off. Think I let me hormones get the better of me. The real reason would have been good. None of this watered down rubbish. Okay fair enough, but can you provide more info? What led to him telling you it wasn't the right time and why did you not believe his reasoning? Does he have a lot going on in his life right now? What did he tell you? How long had you been dating him? Need more info hon...thanks in advance.
Author LateLastNight Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 What prompted him to say the "Now is not the right time for me" line? Did he just say it out of the blue or were you and he talking about "the future" or were you having "the talk" with him? It came out of the blue. We'd been out on a date not long before it and everything was fine, nothing out of the ordinary which annoyed me even more. I do know he'd seen his ex that day cause he told me and I think it was that but I wanted him to be honest and now the fact he's ignored my text is making me want to text him again but I can't cause I said I wasn't going to. I just wish he'd replied something to it.
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 It came out of the blue. We'd been out on a date not long before it and everything was fine, nothing out of the ordinary which annoyed me even more. I do know he'd seen his ex that day cause he told me and I think it was that but I wanted him to be honest and now the fact he's ignored my text is making me want to text him again but I can't cause I said I wasn't going to. I just wish he'd replied something to it. I think your gut is right on - since he saw his ex that day, it most likely has something to do with her. Yeah, I wish people would be honest too. I don't have to deal with it cause I'm in a RL, but I hear enough stories, and yeah it's annoying. But you just gotta roll with it. Your PMSing now, but you'll feel better soon.... Don't text him again...he will probably ignore THAT one too, which will only make you feel even worse than you do now. Life sucks sometimes.
Author LateLastNight Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 The worst thing is think I might have developed those pesky feelings (the l word) but I don't know. I just know that I miss him, just being around him and it's only been two days since I seen him. I'm hoping that it is just my emotions playing with me cause I feel rubbish right now.
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 The worst thing is think I might have developed those pesky feelings (the l word) but I don't know. I just know that I miss him, just being around him and it's only been two days since I seen him. I'm hoping that it is just my emotions playing with me cause I feel rubbish right now. How long have you been dating him? Not that it matters, just curious. And why did he see his ex? Did he give you a reason why he was seeing her... or did he just run into her?
kendahke Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 It came out of the blue. We'd been out on a date not long before it and everything was fine, nothing out of the ordinary which annoyed me even more. I do know he'd seen his ex that day cause he told me and I think it was that but I wanted him to be honest and now the fact he's ignored my text is making me want to text him again but I can't cause I said I wasn't going to. I just wish he'd replied something to it. Sounds like his ex made an impression on him and he's going to go back to see what that is about. I doubt he was going to come out and say "yeah, I'm going to go check my ex for a minute to make sure that there's nothing there--would you hang on and wait around for me until I figure that out? I may not come back to you, but just put your life on hold and wait on me." There was sure to be a fight if he had. In his "algebra", he's calculating that the safest way to let you down but still keep the door open to you is to tell you that now isn't the right time. I myself don't like this approach because what he's doing is giving you psychotic hope that there is a possibility with him when the truth of the matter is, if he was really over and done with his ex, he wouldn't have made space in his head for her, he wouldn't have dumped you and he would be going forward with you instead of backwards into the cesspool he climbed out of with her. You know what? Delete his number, block him on your phone and all social media and just do what you need to do that is legal, healthy and maintains your dignity and grace to get through and over this. Nothing you do or say is going to make him change his mind--in fact, putting on a performance right now will confirm to him that cutting you loose was the right thing to do. No reply he makes other than "I"m so sorry for hurting you, Please forgive me. I've changed my mind and I want you in my life and I"m firm in my resolve about that and I will do anything you ask of me to prove myself to you" will do, so just let go of wanting to talk to him. He has to come to you of his own volition, not because you've got him by the scruff of the and are trying to force him into listening to you. There is always this site for you to come vent and let the crazy out of your head so that you can move on with grace and dignity. Ignoring him right now, as katiegrl will tell you, will do more to mess with his mind than you reminding him that you're incandescent with rage while at the same time, giving you the much needed gift of working him out of your system so you can arrive at a place of peace in your mind and heart to find a guy who appreciates you and is ready to be your man. 2
Author LateLastNight Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 They work in the same building but usually different hours. I was seeing him for six weeks but we spent about 4/5 days out of 7 together. Some dates were just sitting watching some stupid Netflix show he liked and I even miss doing that with him. It's stupid.
introverted1 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 What does PMS have to do with this? Guy didn't stick around and you're upset. Fair enough. But unless you went psycho on the dude and blamed it on PMS, I don't see the connection. 1
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 What does PMS have to do with this? Guy didn't stick around and you're upset. Fair enough. But unless you went psycho on the dude and blamed it on PMS, I don't see the connection. I think what she meant was that since she was (is) PMSing, her emotions are a bit more intense than normal, prompting her to shoot off that emotional text. When under normal circumstances (non PMSing) she would not have done so....
Author LateLastNight Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 I wouldn't have text him under normal circumstances, I would have just ignored him. Couldn't he have waited a week!? Damn him.
xcupid Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Sounds like something happened with the ex. Don't text him. Let him come to you, if he decides to. Stay busy and get your mind off him.
Amalyn Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 I agree with the others. The same day he saw his ex is the same day he pulled this? The ex had everything to do with his "now is not the right time for me" text. 1
Author LateLastNight Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 (edited) Definitely the ex. I just wanted him to admit it. I'm struggling not to text him and tell him exactly what I think of him but I'm holding back cause.I did really like him. He was like the male equivalent of me in terms of.humour and nature. Edited August 5, 2015 by LateLastNight
Omei Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 You dont wanna guy who gos to visit his ex regularly anyway drama! Plus its weird. You're better off.
Author LateLastNight Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 So.... Would it appear/look desperate if I text him and asked him he he wanted to be friends? Because like i'm seriously missing this guys company. Not the relationship side of things because I can honestly take or leave it but the camaraderie we had is what I'm missing because he never failed to make me laugh. I just miss his presence, as a friend more than anything... And I know people would say "How would you feel if he dated" But honestly I have so many male friends I don't think i'd care. What do you think? No? Stalkerish? Crazy?
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Okay, so I'm a woman and most woman know we get a little annoyed. Especially during certain times of the months and the lead up to that time of the month and so... That's what happened. I got a little annoyed. It happens. It happens mostly because of men. So I was seeing a guy and on Saturday he gave me the "Now is not the right time for me" line... This really annoyed me mostly because it came out of nowhere. I mean, I've spent more time in this guy's house since I met him than my own. He initiated everything, kiss, stay over. Everything. It was all him. And I now when a guy is into me... He was into me. Then that? No, I wasn't having it. So I text him and said "Unless you're a really good actor and played me like a fiddle I don't believe you could just walk away like that. I'm too stubborn just to let something go when I believe in it unless you tell me right now that in all the time we've been seeing each other you didn't feel anything" I then said I wasn't going to text him again and it was in his hands.... Nothing. He didn't reply to that text. I told him when we first met that there were two things I couldn't stand. Number 1 being ignored. When I'm ignored it brings out the crazy side of me. God, men. They annoy me. I needed to rant to someone other than my best friend but seriously. men. It's one thing to get annoyed, but being able to control it is another and blaming that lack of control on PMS is not an excuse. That sounds like something a guy would say which is what he's probably thinking. That being said, how long were you two seeing each other? Did he ever tell you he wanted a long-term relationship for himself? And, even if he did, he was at least being honest with you. He doesn't want a relationship with you. He may have some feelings for you, he enjoyed spending time with you, but he doesn't want a deeper relationship for himself or maybe specifically with you for whatever reason. You left it to him to respond or not . . . he opted not to respond. Why would he call or talk to someone who was apparently all pissy and PMSing and via text? He told you what was what in person . . . 1
jen1447 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 So.... Would it appear/look desperate if I text him and asked him he he wanted to be friends? Because like i'm seriously missing this guys company. Not the relationship side of things because I can honestly take or leave it but the camaraderie we had is what I'm missing because he never failed to make me laugh. I just miss his presence, as a friend more than anything... And I know people would say "How would you feel if he dated" But honestly I have so many male friends I don't think i'd care. What do you think? No? Stalkerish? Crazy? I'd say it'd come off as clingy right now, given how the other conversation ended (with your ultimatum and his silence). Best to let it be. On the friends thing, if I were you I'd take a harder look at that. I think you're probably justifying attempts at continued contact as friendship when you're still interested in romance, and that could be a hard road for you if you take it. ('Friends with feelings' or whatever ....not a good place to be.) 4
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 So.... Would it appear/look desperate if I text him and asked him he he wanted to be friends? Because like i'm seriously missing this guys company. Not the relationship side of things because I can honestly take or leave it but the camaraderie we had is what I'm missing because he never failed to make me laugh. I just miss his presence, as a friend more than anything... And I know people would say "How would you feel if he dated" But honestly I have so many male friends I don't think i'd care. What do you think? No? Stalkerish? Crazy? Do not contact him again. It will come off as desperate especially given the text you sent. And, wanting to remain friends with a guy who told you he doesn't want a relationship is about a secret hope that he will change his mind. That will not happen or is so unlikely that it isn't worth the effort on your part. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 So.... Would it appear/look desperate if I text him and asked him he he wanted to be friends? Because like i'm seriously missing this guys company. Not the relationship side of things because I can honestly take or leave it but the camaraderie we had is what I'm missing because he never failed to make me laugh. I just miss his presence, as a friend more than anything... And I know people would say "How would you feel if he dated" But honestly I have so many male friends I don't think i'd care. What do you think? No? Stalkerish? Crazy? Yes, most definitely. Don't text him at all. And certainly not to ask for friendship. He won't buy into it, anyway. And how would you feel if he ignored that text too? 1
Author LateLastNight Posted August 5, 2015 Author Posted August 5, 2015 @ExpatInItaly The thing is, I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't ignore that text. I know why he ignored the last one because I told him to take some time, I gave him some leeway.
gaius Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 If you ask him to be friends after he douched you like that you pretty much rule out him having any respect for you ever again. 2
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