Arda199 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 so she dumped from out of the blue 7 weeks ago, i havn't talked her since she told me that she's dine with me After 4 weeks from the break up post she talked about me to one of her friends that i offended her and didn't care about her (Not true) Yesterday i couldn't handel my self and i told her friend that i still love her and miss her a lot Her friend told me that my ex told her the same thing about me that she misses me but she's not sure if she loves me anymore I really don't get my ex???? One day she's talking ***** about me and the next day she misses me? I don't want her back, i don't love her anymore but why she's doing this? I'm really confused...
mightycpa Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 so she dumped from out of the blue 7 weeks ago, i havn't talked her since she told me that she's dine with me After 4 weeks from the break up post she talked about me to one of her friends that i offended her and didn't care about her (Not true) Yesterday i couldn't handel my self and i told her friend that i still love her and miss her a lot Her friend told me that my ex told her the same thing about me that she misses me but she's not sure if she loves me anymore I don't want her back, i don't love her anymore but why she's doing this? I really don't get my ex???? One day she's talking ***** about me and the next day she misses me? I'm really confused...I rearranged what you wrote so that you can see that you're not really all that different from her. She's back and forth, you're back and forth. This is what the withdrawal is like. Pretty soon, you'll both be completely over each other.
Author Arda199 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 I rearranged what you wrote so that you can see that you're not really all that different from her. She's back and forth, you're back and forth. This is what the withdrawal is like. Pretty soon, you'll both be completely over each other. Yeah ok but why is she still talking about me when she is one who ended it ? Dumpers usually don't think or talk about the dumpee
mightycpa Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Yeah ok but why is she still talking about me when she is one who ended it ? Dumpers usually don't think or talk about the dumpeeBecause girls of that age think it's a good idea if you fight for the dying relationship, and that if you're that willing to walk away right away, then you must have never cared for them. They can be very overly dramatic in these situations. It has zero to do with whether or not she wants to be with you. She just wants you to act the way she sees it in her mind. If you don't, then something must be wrong, and that something is YOU. That's how you offended her. I wouldn't worry about it. What she feels, whether she misses you or not is really not your concern any more. She said she's done with you, and you've done the right thing. You showed her that you will take her at her word. Now you just have to show yourself the same thing. She'll get over it. So will you.
aloneinaz Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Dumpers usually don't think or talk about the dumpee That statement is simply false. I've been the dumper in most of my relationships. When I was done with the R/S, I never went back. Did I still think about the ex? Absolutely. You don't hit a switch and wipe away your time spent with that person. You just don't have the feelings to want to date them anymore. If your the dumper and it's been a few weeks, or months since you've ended it and you're in a dry spell with dates, you will really think about them. Some dumpers will even re-engage with the dumpee to use them for sex or companionship until something better comes along. My point is, dumper's absolutely think about the person they dumped. When they really stop thinking about them is when they've moved onto another relationship. 1
Author Arda199 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 Because girls of that age think it's a good idea if you fight for the dying relationship, and that if you're that willing to walk away right away, then you must have never cared for them. They can be very overly dramatic in these situations. It has zero to do with whether or not she wants to be with you. She just wants you to act the way she sees it in her mind. If you don't, then something must be wrong, and that something is YOU. That's how you offended her. I wouldn't worry about it. What she feels, whether she misses you or not is really not your concern any more. She said she's done with you, and you've done the right thing. You showed her that you will take her at her word. Now you just have to show yourself the same thing. She'll get over it. So will you. Is it because i didn't beg or ask her why dumped me? This girl is crazy man i'm telling you, after she dumped she texted me saying"I left because i don't deserve you" what does that even mean??????
mightycpa Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 It doesn't mean anything. It's young girl talk that means "I couldn't have the perfect relationship with you, so instead, I want the perfect, romantic breakup!" You'll never truly understand it. I sure don't. I just know that it exists, and I accept that, just like I don't fully understand what E=mc2 really means, but I accept that it is true, and I understand the grand implications of this on my life. It means you're thinking about it too much. Put down the computer and go outside and do something useful or at least fun.
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 She's talking about you because like you she is healing from the loss of your relationship. Presumably there were good times. She may miss what once was not the parts she didn't like that caused her to break up with you. Young women don't often know there own minds. Continue with your healing & moving on. Don't worry about what she's doing and unless they were mutual friends before the relationship, stop talking to her friends. 1
Author Arda199 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 I find it kinda funny in someway...
Author Arda199 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 She's talking about you because like you she is healing from the loss of your relationship. Presumably there were good times. She may miss what once was not the parts she didn't like that caused her to break up with you. Young women don't often know there own minds. Continue with your healing & moving on. Don't worry about what she's doing and unless they were mutual friends before the relationship, stop talking to her friends. Actually i just told her friends that they don't bring my ex in the subject when they want to talk with because i'm done with her and whatever shy say or do not my concern so its better for me not to know
Chi townD Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Yeah ok but why is she still talking about me when she is one who ended it ? Dumpers usually don't think or talk about the dumpee She has to demonize you in her own mind so she can feel justified as to why she broke up with you. i.e. you sucked as a boyfriend, you never listened, you were possessive and controlling, all you did was fight....blah...blah...blah.. Even if it wasn't even true. It's just a defensive mechanism to ease her guilt.
Author Arda199 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 She has to demonize you in her own mind so she can feel justified as to why she broke up with you. i.e. you sucked as a boyfriend, you never listened, you were possessive and controlling, all you did was fight....blah...blah...blah.. Even if it wasn't even true. It's just a defensive mechanism to ease her guilt. Does this this really work? Because its not working for although that thing i tell myself about her are true
Chi townD Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Does this this really work? Because its not working for although that thing i tell myself about her are true For her it does. It stops her from contacting you, also if she tells other people how "awful" you were as a boyfriend, her friends help reinforce her not to contact you.
Author Arda199 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 So yesterday i was talking to one of our mutual friends and she asked for my help because she recently broke up with her BF and needed my advice on how to deal with it, while we where talking she said that my ex talked about me a day before saying "He was always there for me when i needed someone to talk to and he's a wonderful guy". I'm so confused right now, one day she says how horrible i was and now i'm a wonderful guy :\ why is she doing this ??? i don't understand anything at all. P.S: i never ask our mutual friends about her and i never bring her into the subject, i just don't care about her anymore but why she's going back and forth when she's the one who ended it ?
quattrob Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Next time you need to tell your "mutual" friends to not talk about your ex to you as you don't want to hear any of it. You brought this confusion on yourself, don't make it seem like you didn't ask for any of it. Technically yea you didn't ask about her but you're not stopping it either. Who cares what your ex thinks or what she's planning? So if she wanted to get back with you are you going to reach out? I'd assume you wouldn't right? So why think about it when she hasn't done anything actively? Talking and thinking means jack, when there's action then MAYBE you should consider to think but right now you're wasting time and energy for nothing.
Author Arda199 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Next time you need to tell your "mutual" friends to not talk about your ex to you as you don't want to hear any of it. You brought this confusion on yourself, don't make it seem like you didn't ask for any of it. Technically yea you didn't ask about her but you're not stopping it either. Who cares what your ex thinks or what she's planning? So if she wanted to get back with you are you going to reach out? I'd assume you wouldn't right? So why think about it when she hasn't done anything actively? Talking and thinking means jack, when there's action then MAYBE you should consider to think but right now you're wasting time and energy for nothing. Believe me i told them that i don't want to her about her ever again even if she got cancer i just don't care and i really don't. My life is MUCH better without her. I just don't get it and i find it kinda funny when someone tell you that they don't want you anymore but still talk about you even tho it's been 2 months from the BU post and strict NC.
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