woggy Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 So I'll try and keep this simple, my girlfriend and I have been dating for six months and for the most part it's going pretty good. Like most relationships the first 3 months were pretty head over heels but nothing ridiculous. After 3 months things, were still great. She used to always want to see me, stay the night, invite to hangout with her and friends etc but now I don't get that anymore. Now whenever she's with me she pretty much controls what time I see her and what time I take her home, she doesn't ask to hangout and I'm initiating 70% of the time. For the last two weeks she's been staying the night at a friends because the situation at home isn't good, and whenever I ask if she wants to stay the night with me, there's always a reason she needs to be home that night. Just a few days ago, she went to a party with friends when we hadn't seen each other much the past few days, I didn't get an invite. The amount we text has shot way down, and I just feel like I'm putting in all the effort. Anytime we do hangout I have to drive since she doesn't have a car. It just feels like she's so used to me being there when she needs or wants me now. But it's not all bad, we still love each other and want this relationship. I'm just tired of never getting a say, and if I do without her acting pouty and upset. What do I do?
StalwartMind Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Have you tried talking to her about feeling this way? While many relationships slow down or change as people get used to each other, unless there is a disinterest from one part then it should actually constantly evolve and bring new joys. If you feel something is not to your liking, you should act, as things rarely change by themselves. Receiving immature responses doesn't exactly help a situation, and it should never feel as if you don't get a say, or things quickly become one sided. I'll always advocate that communication is key, but if that ever feels shutdown then you do need to make an effort to change the way things are. You owe it to yourself to do just that, knowing how your partner feels is also vital.
kendahke Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 But it's not all bad, we still love each other and want this relationship. I'm just tired of never getting a say, and if I do without her acting pouty and upset. What do I do? I disagree. She is acting like she doesn't want the relationship. Tell you what: leave her alone for about 5 days. Put her phone and text on silence so you don't hear it. Give her all the space that her behavior is saying she wants. When she comes around to you asking you what's wrong (not phoning, not texting, but face to face), you tell her it's time for a long talk. Listen to what she has to say and then tell her that you are giving her exactly what her behavior is telling you she wants--that she doesn't want you around and she doesn't want to spend time with you and the way you translate that is that she broke up with you and you're moving on. That will clear out the elephant that is ishtting up a storm in your living room. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 You need to be straight with her. Tell her what you told us: you drive to her, you initiate, she sets artificial parameters on the times you spend together & she doesn't want to stay over. Explain you understand about the rough situation at home but you need her to nurture your relationship by contacting you more & spending more time with you. If she is unwilling to do those things, cut her lose. Disappearing on her for 5 days may be interpreted by her as you breaking up with her. So don't do that because it has way more potential to backfire then fix your problem 1
kendahke Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 *Now whenever she's with me she pretty much controls what time I see her and what time I take her home *she doesn't ask to hangout *I'm initiating 70% of the time. *For the last two weeks she's been staying the night at a friends because the situation at home isn't good, and whenever I *ask if she wants to stay the night with me, there's always a reason she needs to be home that night. *Just a few days ago, she went to a party with friends when we hadn't seen each other much the past few days *I didn't get an invite. *The amount we text has shot way down *just feel like I'm putting in all the effort. Anytime we do hangout I have to drive since she doesn't have a car. *It just feels like she's so used to me being there when she needs or wants me now. * I'm just tired of never getting a say, and if I do without her acting pouty and upset. OP, she's demoted you without telling you. I'm guessing that that hurts really badly, doesn't it? She is doing her thing and when/if she needs a ride somewhere, you fit in. If she's got a ride, she's in the wind and doesn't give a rip about you. Everyone is more important to her except you, until she needs a lift. Sticking around for this means you're allowing her to use you. Clearly, she's got options regarding where she lays her head at night that dont' include you. Let her have her options--doesn't mean you have to stick around waiting on her to call you when she needs something from you. That's not how relationships work. 1
Redhead14 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 So I'll try and keep this simple, my girlfriend and I have been dating for six months and for the most part it's going pretty good. Like most relationships the first 3 months were pretty head over heels but nothing ridiculous. After 3 months things, were still great. She used to always want to see me, stay the night, invite to hangout with her and friends etc but now I don't get that anymore. Now whenever she's with me she pretty much controls what time I see her and what time I take her home, she doesn't ask to hangout and I'm initiating 70% of the time. For the last two weeks she's been staying the night at a friends because the situation at home isn't good, and whenever I ask if she wants to stay the night with me, there's always a reason she needs to be home that night. Just a few days ago, she went to a party with friends when we hadn't seen each other much the past few days, I didn't get an invite. The amount we text has shot way down, and I just feel like I'm putting in all the effort. Anytime we do hangout I have to drive since she doesn't have a car. It just feels like she's so used to me being there when she needs or wants me now. But it's not all bad, we still love each other and want this relationship. I'm just tired of never getting a say, and if I do without her acting pouty and upset. What do I do? You are being taken for granted, because you are GIVING yourself for granted. I just feel like I'm putting in all the effort she's so used to me being there when she needs or wants me she pretty much controls
mrldii Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 OP, she's demoted you without telling you. I'm guessing that that hurts really badly, doesn't it? She is doing her thing and when/if she needs a ride somewhere, you fit in. If she's got a ride, she's in the wind and doesn't give a rip about you. Everyone is more important to her except you, until she needs a lift. Sticking around for this means you're allowing her to use you. Clearly, she's got options regarding where she lays her head at night that dont' include you. Let her have her options--doesn't mean you have to stick around waiting on her to call you when she needs something from you. That's not how relationships work. This. Sorry OP, but it reads like she's met someone else and isn't ready to let go of the old branch (i.e., you) until she's got a firm grip on the next branch. Typically, relationships move in a forward direction, where a couple spend more time together and integrate more and more aspects of their lives together...not backwards. Best of luck to you...
Keenly Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 When your partner would rather stay at a friends than next to you in bed that's a football field sized red flag. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 She sure isn't acting like she wants this relationship. It looks like it's become quite one-sided. Talk to her and tell her what you've told us. If she isn't open to hearing you out, you may want to reconsider this relationship. How old is she?
Author woggy Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 She sure isn't acting like she wants this relationship. It looks like it's become quite one-sided. Talk to her and tell her what you've told us. If she isn't open to hearing you out, you may want to reconsider this relationship. How old is she? Okay, so I talked to her day, telling her I'm tired that she doesn't make time for me or our relationship unless she needs something. I told her maybe a break would be in a order, just a few days of no contact, so she can find out what she wants because I'm tired of not being involved. I asked straight up if she wants this relationship and if she doesn't not to spare my feelings and just tell me. She told me that she does, and that if there is a break she doesn't want it to be permanent at all. The things that bothers me the most is that I don't think realize how rude it is that her friends get priority and I get put on the backburner. I think a few days of no contact will hopefully make things clear, for both of us.
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 I think a few days of no contact will hopefully make things clear, for both of us. I think NC will hurt not help. You need to come together to both work on this relationship to fix it. Running to separate corners & not talking will let all sorts of doubts & insecurities creep in making everything worse.
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