Can I ask the guy I've been dating to pay 1/2 of the cost of an airline ticket?

[SandraTempleton]

I'm not sure if I should post this in dating or LDR so I thought I would give it a try under the dating section. There's this guy that I met on the 4th of July whose only temporarily in my city for work. If you search my name you will find the previous thread so I don't have to type it out again.

 

I've spent most of this past month getting to know him and spending time with him and I really like what I have seen. We both know in reality that he is heading home soon. He has asked me several times over the past month but more so lately if I would come to visit him in his country and then goes on to tell me a little list of all the great things there are that he could show me. I'm seriously considering it, however I am wondering if it's completely immoral for me to ask him to split the cost of the ticket with me? Part of me that thinks this is it's also a way to see how serious about it he is. If it's just a friendly invitation then he probably won't want to put the money out there (fair enough) but if he is thinking more serious I see it as being a possibility he would pay half. Like a put your money where your mouth is type of situation. The soonest I could go because of work would be over the Christmas holidays so the flights are very expensive to get from Seattle to South America. Splitting the ticket price makes it an actual option for me.

 

I do feel like I've started to get to know him over the past month and he has seen what my life is like here. He's spent time with my friends and met my sister and nephew. I asked my sister for her honest opinion of him and she told me she liked him and thought he was super nice. I wanted him to meet her because she means a lot to me and also because I wanted her opinion of him.

[StalwartMind]

I guess that depends on the guy and how he feels about the development of the relationship. I wouldn't be opposed to the idea myself, granted that I've always liked giving, especially if something feels right. If you really enjoy someone then it seems like a smaller "price to pay", granted that traveling like that could become costly in length. I'm sure though you would want to have things different eventually, absolutely something to consider too if you've even talked about anything long term. I would only reject if I felt it was going to be something short term, since I have no interest in that myself.

[Art_Critic]

Splitting the ticket price makes it an actual option for me.

 

Isn't that your answer ?

 

First off.. you don't go if you can't afford it and if you can't afford it and he continues to ask you come visit him then ask him to pay for it.

There isn't anything wrong with asking him to split the ticket and if he says no for any reason then you know where the relationship stands since he has been asking you to come visit him.

 

I personally think since he has never offered that he is just looking for you to do all the work and also pay for it.

[veggirl]

Tell him you can't afford the full ticket price, as much as you'd love to go and see what he says. Keep in mind if he pays for half, you should contribute equally to outtings, food, etc while you are there imo. I'd also do some thinking about the future, I mean what's your end game here? If things get serious, is one of you going to move to another country?

[kendahke]

I'd ask him why he wants you to come to his country as opposed to him making a return trip to see you.

 

If he tells you he wants to introduce you to his family and friends because he seriously sees a future with you, then cool. Ask him to help you out with the ticket.

 

If he tells you he just wants to hang out, see the sites, get some sex from you, etc., then decline the offer (unless you just want to hang out, see the sites and get some sex--if so, then again, ask him to go in half) and tell him you'd love to see him when he returns for a visit.

 

If you're going to date long distance, you're going to have to start putting money away for long distance visits--so it might be a good idea to get a second job or a better paying one.

[SandraTempleton]

I appreciate you taking the time to read and consider my thread. I'm trying to look at this logically and it helps to hear other opinions and ideas that I might not have considered on my own.

 

To answer a few questions:

I can't say for now I know what my end game is. I really enjoy spending time with him and we have a lot of similar interests. I told him openly at the beginning if he lived here I would pursue him. He has mentioned moving to the US one year from now to pursue an MBA. I don't know if I would consider moving to his country (Argentina). I'm not opposed to the idea but I would need to visit first. And would also need to find a way to learn Spanish, whether upon moving there and taking language classes and going through immersion learning. Seeing him leaves me smiling and in a great mood. I really just wish we had more time to get to know each other without the added pressure of knowing soon we will be separated by a full day of traveling.

 

I think you guys have some great points about asking him to define the idea behind the trip. Is it just a friendly come visit and we can continue having sex... Or is it something that could become serious and he wants me to see what his life is like there? I guess I would find out soon enough the intentions of the visit because his family lives in a different city than he currently lives in.

 

As for the cost of the ticket, it is very steep to travel over the holiday season, with the ticket basically doubling in price of what it would be any other time of year ($2200 and up versus $1400 I'm seeing for the rest of the year). Especially since I have defined dates for my job and am unable to easily take different weeks off during the school year.

[Gary S]

Most long distance relationships don't workout anyway, so why not save your money and find a local man instead?

[carhill]

Considering the logistics, unless you're desiring to visit Argentina anyway and perhaps meet other men there, I'd lean towards requesting assistance with travel plans. Otherwise, if doing it entirely on your own, also rent your own accommodations while there. Don't stay with him.

 

Another option is, depending on your circumstances, since you have some time, play the mileage credit card bonus game and book part of the trip at low cost.

 

In general, if one is going to pursue LDR-type relations, and include consistent face time, one either needs to learn to travel cheap or become wealthy enough to afford revenue travel on a consistent basis.

 

I know a friend's wife who completed American Airlines instruction course to become a home-based reservationist (that person who answers the phone when one calls the airline), mainly for the travel perks. They don't need the money. The husband is currently in Italy on, you guessed it, free (actually not completely free but essentially free) employee spouse travel perks and, heh, he traveled there in first class as a NRSA (non revenue space available) passenger.

 

Lots of ways to skin the travel cat. I'd start with your gentleman friend who wants you to come visit him. He apparently can travel freely. Have the conversation and see where it goes.

[SandraTempleton]

@carhill My Dad actually works for a passenger airline company. So I know all about the joy of flying non rev. Always a sporty adventure. You could fly first class or you could fly no class (stuck at the airport desperately trying to catch a flight). I flew to LHR in 2010 on a direct British Airways flight for $300 (taxes only) round trip. On the way back I had an entire row to myself Unfortunately, I am no longer considered a dependent and eligible for airline perks on other partnered airlines. I will look into the idea of being a reservation agent though. I did not realize you could work from home. That my friend is a great idea!

[h0000]

Either don't go, or pay full price yourself.

I wouldn't ask to split if it was me. It would also turn me off if somebody asked me to pay their ticket. I think it makes people look cheap and that's a deal break for me.

Just my opinion.

But if you want to see how serious he is, you can just tell him you can't go cuz of money. He may surprise you and offer to pay but I doubt it.

[carhill]

@carhill My Dad actually works for a passenger airline company. So I know all about the joy of flying non rev. Always a sporty adventure. You could fly first class or you could fly no class (stuck at the airport desperately trying to catch a flight). I flew to LHR in 2010 on a direct British Airways flight for $300 (taxes only) round trip. On the way back I had an entire row to myself Unfortunately, I am no longer considered a dependent and eligible for airline perks on other partnered airlines. I will look into the idea of being a reservation agent though. I did not realize you could work from home. That my friend is a great idea!

You should be able to still fly on a D3 (or equivalent) even if not dependent, depending on your father's allotment. Priority is lower but Argentina shouldn't be a problem if you're flexible during the holidays.

 

However, having BTDT, meaning I dated internationally, hanging one's hat on one person and planning totally around that one person can result in disappointment, as people, well, are human. IME, having a plan B is always prudent.

[kendahke]

And would also need to find a way to learn Spanish, whether upon moving there and taking language classes and going through immersion learning.

 

start with Duolingo or Mesmrise. Both are apps.

[Redhead14]

I'm not sure if I should post this in dating or LDR so I thought I would give it a try under the dating section. There's this guy that I met on the 4th of July whose only temporarily in my city for work. If you search my name you will find the previous thread so I don't have to type it out again.

 

I've spent most of this past month getting to know him and spending time with him and I really like what I have seen. We both know in reality that he is heading home soon. He has asked me several times over the past month but more so lately if I would come to visit him in his country and then goes on to tell me a little list of all the great things there are that he could show me. I'm seriously considering it, however I am wondering if it's completely immoral for me to ask him to split the cost of the ticket with me? Part of me that thinks this is it's also a way to see how serious about it he is. If it's just a friendly invitation then he probably won't want to put the money out there (fair enough) but if he is thinking more serious I see it as being a possibility he would pay half. Like a put your money where your mouth is type of situation. The soonest I could go because of work would be over the Christmas holidays so the flights are very expensive to get from Seattle to South America. Splitting the ticket price makes it an actual option for me.

 

I do feel like I've started to get to know him over the past month and he has seen what my life is like here. He's spent time with my friends and met my sister and nephew. I asked my sister for her honest opinion of him and she told me she liked him and thought he was super nice. I wanted him to meet her because she means a lot to me and also because I wanted her opinion of him.

 

There is no way in hell I would fly to another country to see a man I've only known for a month no matter how much it costs or if he splits the cost. You will be in a foreign country, with a virtual stranger, with few resources and safety provisions for yourself. This is akin to going on a first date with a guy and riding in his car!

 

I do feel like I've started to get to know him over the past month and he has seen what my life is like here. He's spent time with my friends and met my sister and nephew. -- You don't know one IOTA about this guy after only a month.

 

Don't do it. Make him come to you. That will be a better test of his sincerity. In addition, observe whether he keeps in touch with you once he's back home and what that communication looks like.

 

If he travels a lot, he may have a girl in every port like you . . .

[craw]

American dollar is pretty strong right now, unless he's well off, I doubt he will offer to pay. It sounds pretty risky for you to fly to South America to go see him. I mean GO if you want to go for a SOLO travel adventure and then meet up with him. That's entirely different, but to go there to stay with him. Not a good idea.

 

Tim Ferriss How to Learn Spanish

 

I know of a girl who somehow wounded up in Mexico, met her husband and now she speaks fluent Spanish - she even said to me that it's "easy".

 

She's a small town Ontario, Canadian girl. So no prior exposure to the language.

 

So you never know!

 

I just wanted to warn you, that meeting someone IRL [in real life] can be a bit disappointing.

[SugarLips72]

I worked for SWA at one time back in the 90s. Not really related to this post but most airlines do not allow you to work from home. They have a whole call center set up and invest a lot of money into it and most employers that pay hourly and are union don't allow it. With so many people booking tickets on the web many positions for the res agent have been phased out.

 

 

OP- If he wants to see you in a romantic way, he will offer to chip in for the ticket. You might want to say something like "Hey I was pricing out tickets and I don't think that is in my budget but I would love to see you" See what he says to that.

 

 

 

 

Considering the logistics, unless you're desiring to visit Argentina anyway and perhaps meet other men there, I'd lean towards requesting assistance with travel plans. Otherwise, if doing it entirely on your own, also rent your own accommodations while there. Don't stay with him.

 

Another option is, depending on your circumstances, since you have some time, play the mileage credit card bonus game and book part of the trip at low cost.

 

In general, if one is going to pursue LDR-type relations, and include consistent face time, one either needs to learn to travel cheap or become wealthy enough to afford revenue travel on a consistent basis.

 

I know a friend's wife who completed American Airlines instruction course to become a home-based reservationist (that person who answers the phone when one calls the airline), mainly for the travel perks. They don't need the money. The husband is currently in Italy on, you guessed it, free (actually not completely free but essentially free) employee spouse travel perks and, heh, he traveled there in first class as a NRSA (non revenue space available) passenger.

 

Lots of ways to skin the travel cat. I'd start with your gentleman friend who wants you to come visit him. He apparently can travel freely. Have the conversation and see where it goes.

[scorpiogirl]

My friend was in just such a situation. She met a Greek man who was on vacation in our country and fell head over heels in love.

 

He left after a month and they kept in touch via Skype and texts. In August she planned a two week vacation in Greece, paid for her own ticket.

 

He was the reason she went to Greece but she didn't make him the focus of her vacation. She made her plans and he then went to where she was in a few cities over.

 

It's worthy to note that with such a huge distance,he was able to carry on two lives while they were together.

She went to Greece four more summers and met the very wealthy man she is with now.

They too have a long distance relationship for now but she had paid for her tickets every time, despite the fact that it's small change for him.

If you can't afford a ticket, then I don't think it's a good idea to start something.

 

If you can somehow get discounted tickets as you discussed above, then it would be easier. However, you should be able to afford whatever costs you might incur without his assistance, including hotel, food and sightseeing.

 

Argentina would be an amazing holiday, but I would make seeing him incidental your holiday and not the focus of it.

[RoseVille]

I worked for SWA at one time back in the 90s. Not really related to this post but most airlines do not allow you to work from home. They have a whole call center set up and invest a lot of money into it and most employers that pay hourly and are union don't allow it. With so many people booking tickets on the web many positions for the res agent have been phased out.

 

American Airlines does have telecommuting jobs for reservations and concierge service. They work from home after training at DFW.

[xcupid]

Tell him you can't afford it even though you'd like to see him. If he offers to split cost of ticket then you have your answer.

[Tayla]

It begs the question- If this were a guy asking to impose such a favor on a gal, would the answer still be the same?

 

I think etiquette would say, an invitation to visit doesn't mean the Host has to pay for travel. Just help on arranging accomodations once in their area be it a hotel to stay or picking up at the airport. Such arrangements are not always financial based, more courtesy based in formality.

 

I come from the middle road- pay your way to and fro.