HansonGirl Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 (edited) I am I guess new to the "dating scene" - I want to start dating because I want to meet people . but I am just kinda scared and confused about how it all works! My good guy friend tells me about his dating life. He has been "single" as long as I remember but he actively dates. He goes on Tinder. He went out with a girl last weekend, the only reason he didn't go out with her this weekend was because the girl had a friend in town, so she was busy. So he came out with us instead. While we were out he set his eyes on some other girl who he matched with on Tinder. Now he wants to go out with her. And in general as far as i know he's always going out on dates. I have always thought of myself as a monogamous type. I don't even have tons of friends. i prefer having a few close friends. never been miss popularity. I'm introverted and I don't think i'd even be able to keep track of having a million friends. I feel like i'd forget their names. Likewise, i think i'd lose track of a million dates. Is what my guy friend does what is normal? Because I am not sure I'd be able to do that. So does this mean he is not interested in that first girl after all? Are we supposed to date multiple people all the time? It sort of makes me sad because it just seems like a lot of work and i feel scared. I couldn't help but think about that other girl. I mean i guess I am saying i want a RELATIONSHIP. i don't want to go on first dates with 100 different people. Edited August 4, 2015 by HansonGirl
mike_89 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 It is normal, but not all people do this. Parallel dating will net you a partner more quickly though. Imagine you are dating 5 people at once during a 2 month period, and one of those is a match. That means you have a compatible partner after 2 months. If you were to date serially, first close one then go to the next you would take so much longer than those 2 months. Just do what feels right for you. If you do not want to date multiple people at once, then don't. 1
Author HansonGirl Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 It is normal, but not all people do this. Parallel dating will net you a partner more quickly though. Imagine you are dating 5 people at once during a 2 month period, and one of those is a match. That means you have a compatible partner after 2 months. If you were to date serially, first close one then go to the next you would take so much longer than those 2 months. Just do what feels right for you. If you do not want to date multiple people at once, then don't. well it apparently hasn't been working for him as he's been doing this for years...
Riptide91 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 well it apparently hasn't been working for him as he's been doing this for years... Well sometimes it's not the dating technique that's the problem, rather the person. I personally wouldnt try to date more than one person at a time, if you split your attention I would think you're not giving it your best shot. Just my two cents. 1
Author HansonGirl Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 Well sometimes it's not the dating technique that's the problem, rather the person. I personally wouldnt try to date more than one person at a time, if you split your attention I would think you're not giving it your best shot. Just my two cents. Ok. I think I want to be more sloooow too. I just can't keep up with logging in on the dating site all the time and arranging dates all the time, like it seems like he is doing. And it just made me feel sad. Because what if that girl really liked him and she just couldn't go out because her friend was in town, and she WOULD HAVE been out with him but just for being unavailable he has now met someone else. i mean how can you juggle multiple people? i am not looking forward to this... :-(
HereNorThere Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 well it apparently hasn't been working for him as he's been doing this for years... Don't assume everyone who dates is looking for a long term relationship, even if they say they are.
Woggle Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 It is common but there is no reason you have to date that way.
mrldii Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 ... I mean i guess I am saying i want a RELATIONSHIP. i don't want to go on first dates with 100 different people. There are many men who prefer women who will only date one man at a time. Trust me, they've all been coming out of the woodwork to let me know what a hussy I am and how wrong I am to NOT date exclusively from the first-meet. This is exactly why I'd advise you TO date as many different men, simultaneously, as you are interested in seeing until one-by-one for whatever reason(s) they fall by the wayside... ...so the one you end up in a relationship with IS someone you truly enjoy and not simply someone you've glommed onto because you just "want a RELATIONSHIP" and are trying to avoid 'another first date'. But, most likely you'll do what you feel most comfortable doing and then be back to write about why it's just not working with the guy you're in a RELATIONSHIP with, even though you do EVERYTHING to make him happy and to keep your RELATIONSHIP together and he just doesn't appreciate you. ~sigh~ Best of luck to you... 1
TheBathWater Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 There are many men who prefer women who will only date one man at a time. Trust me, they've all been coming out of the woodwork to let me know what a hussy I am and how wrong I am to NOT date exclusively from the first-meet. This is exactly why I'd advise you TO date as many different men, simultaneously, as you are interested in seeing until one-by-one for whatever reason(s) they fall by the wayside... ...so the one you end up in a relationship with IS someone you truly enjoy and not simply someone you've glommed onto because you just "want a RELATIONSHIP" and are trying to avoid 'another first date'. But, most likely you'll do what you feel most comfortable doing and then be back to write about why it's just not working with the guy you're in a RELATIONSHIP with, even though you do EVERYTHING to make him happy and to keep your RELATIONSHIP together and he just doesn't appreciate you. ~sigh~ Best of luck to you... Right, because no one around this place posts about the frustrations of multi-dating, endlessly cycling through promising partners until someone new shows up on someone's end, and not finding a relationship, mmm? 1
mrldii Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Right, because no one around this place posts about the frustrations of multi-dating, endlessly cycling through promising partners until someone new shows up on someone's end, and not finding a relationship, mmm? Of course they're complaining about it...because they, too, want a relationship-NOW-dammit and aren't willing to learn from each of the failed and false starts to further home-in on what it is - and is not - that they're looking for. The people that I've read who multi-date and enjoy it have no problems with the process; it's the people who multi-date and who want a relationship-NOW-dammit who complain about it. They also complain about people who lead them on. And, complain about people who act interested and then f-a-d-e. And, complain about people who appeared to be one way and turned out to be another way. People who happily multi-date don't complain about those things; we thank those we're multi-dating who show their true colors and allow us to whittle it down to the best choice for us. Monogamous daters should date other monogamous daters; multi-daters should date other multi-daters. What shouldn't be done is one group telling the other group they're doing it all wrong... ...despite what their own empirical data is proving to them.
giblesp Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Your not supposed to do anything unless you want to. There isn't a general trend as to how to date and what is 'normal' behaviour. Your personal life is based around who you are, if you meet someone similar then you are compatible. 1
Toodaloo Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Dating in the electronic age... Gotta love it... Also got to hate it. I can tell you now that 99.9% of dates will not go past the first. Some of those dates will be awful. Some will be fantastic but they still will not lead anywhere. So what do you do? You line up your prospective matches. You organise to meet them and then when they whittle themselves down you are left with one. That is how it has worked for me. Although I am not overly sure that the one that is left is a complete match but we shall see.
guest569 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Lol i used to be totally monogamous and pick one man from the site, meet him, date, form a relationship. Now I have been rapidly rebounding again and again and date as many as I want. Just do what you are comfortable with, but understand that multi dating is pretty common, dont get too involved too soon and you should be fine
Recommended Posts