Tuelis Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Apologies for the sob story, I don't usually do this sort of thing. In 2012 I fell in love with my best friend's ex (they'd been broken up a long time) and we began dating. I lost my best friend and also another old friend whom I'd known for 10+ years, as she disliked my now ex and disagreed with it. This really had a great impact on me and I lost a few more friends as a result of the relationship, as they were fully supportive of my friend and were convinced that I was essentially a traitorous bastard. My best mate and I later made up, however. My ex and I had a very good relationship that I cherished and enjoyed every moment of. We went on holiday multiple times together and I could not have been happier; when in her presence, it was like being drunk on love. She was essentially the love of my life - it wasn't infatuation, I knew in my heart that I loved her and she eventually told me the same. We spent a great deal of time together, as our friendship group had 'kicked us out' due to our relationship, so we became best friends as well as partners. This all changed upon reaching college, where she immediately became distant from me and was more interested in other people. That was to be expected and I was glad she was making new friends, but she grew close to one guy who was gay and initially nice, but eventually started being hostile towards me, making very cutting comments and generally trying to insult me in front of her. She'd laugh when he did it, which made me feel confused and a bit hurt. Our distance grew further and I became extremely unhappy. I was not enjoying college, I was not suited to the place or the people, so that further added to my misery and I began to become irritable around her. Her parents were also ridiculously controlling, once ringing my Mum up while drunk at 3am to complain about how I apparently accused my ex of kissing someone else, which was utter rubbish. Just after New Year, my Mum told me something horrendous - that my ex had a tumour in a particularly dangerous part of the body. Her parents had told her before Christmas, but made her swear to keep it a secret from her own son over Christmas. I was absolutely livid, as I'd noticed my Mum's stress levels being unusually high and I said some things to my ex that I since regret. This badly damaged our relationship and we tried to patch it up over the next few months, but the resentment had already set in on both sides. Her surgery to remove the Timor was coming up and would be a very dangerous and serious procedure, so I doubled my efforts to make sure I treated her and supported her as well as I could do. Her parents grew further hostile towards me and my ex's friends did so too, which made me even more miserable. Eventually, just before her surgery, she decided to end it he relationship, saying that we just weren't working and she'd need way too much support that I could possibly give, what with exams coming up. I was devastated and spent several days walking around feeling as if all the joy had been lost from the world. We eventually talked and got back together, as I felt tremendously guilty about us breaking up before her surgery and wanted to support her through it, as I still loved her dearly. Many things happened in the days leading up to the operation and I reached my mental breaking point. I had asked her parents to update me with her progress every day or two after the surgery and to let me know when I could come and see her, but I got two texts in 5 days, despite sending around 10 to them. I eventually rang them up, but the conversation lasted around 40 seconds and I then learnt via Facebook that my ex had been updating her new friends about her progress, but kept me in the dark. I snapped at that point and swore that when I next saw her, I would end the relationship. I could not keep taking **** like that, so I decided to get out of the relationship, for my own health and sanity. We have barely spoken since breaking up, I have tried initiating conversations, but she gave me one word answers and no eye contact. I have spent the last year and three quarters trying to piece my heart back together, but to no avail. The thought of another relationship is literally painful and I am a very different person now, far more cold and emotionless than before. I see love as a terrible and dangerous emotion, which I know is silly, but I cannot help it. I don't worry about much anymore and I have lost all the confidence I once had, only now beginning to get some of it back. I have ruined my college grades over her, which is my fault. I have kissed girls since, but only in the last several months and only when drunk at parties - they meant nothing to me. Romantic films and any songs associated to my ex only make me sad and mournful. I think about her everyday and dream about her often, remembering the times we spent together and the holidays we had. She has been in a relationship now for around 5 months, which makes me doubt that she ever really loved me at all, even though she told me she did. I don't really know why I have written all this, but it was nice to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading
Seeker12 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Apologies for the sob story, I don't usually do this sort of thing. In 2012 I fell in love with my best friend's ex (they'd been broken up a long time) and we began dating. I lost my best friend and also another old friend whom I'd known for 10+ years, as she disliked my now ex and disagreed with it. This really had a great impact on me and I lost a few more friends as a result of the relationship, as they were fully supportive of my friend and were convinced that I was essentially a traitorous bastard. My best mate and I later made up, however. My ex and I had a very good relationship that I cherished and enjoyed every moment of. We went on holiday multiple times together and I could not have been happier; when in her presence, it was like being drunk on love. She was essentially the love of my life - it wasn't infatuation, I knew in my heart that I loved her and she eventually told me the same. We spent a great deal of time together, as our friendship group had 'kicked us out' due to our relationship, so we became best friends as well as partners. This all changed upon reaching college, where she immediately became distant from me and was more interested in other people. That was to be expected and I was glad she was making new friends, but she grew close to one guy who was gay and initially nice, but eventually started being hostile towards me, making very cutting comments and generally trying to insult me in front of her. She'd laugh when he did it, which made me feel confused and a bit hurt. Our distance grew further and I became extremely unhappy. I was not enjoying college, I was not suited to the place or the people, so that further added to my misery and I began to become irritable around her. Her parents were also ridiculously controlling, once ringing my Mum up while drunk at 3am to complain about how I apparently accused my ex of kissing someone else, which was utter rubbish. Just after New Year, my Mum told me something horrendous - that my ex had a tumour in a particularly dangerous part of the body. Her parents had told her before Christmas, but made her swear to keep it a secret from her own son over Christmas. I was absolutely livid, as I'd noticed my Mum's stress levels being unusually high and I said some things to my ex that I since regret. This badly damaged our relationship and we tried to patch it up over the next few months, but the resentment had already set in on both sides. Her surgery to remove the Timor was coming up and would be a very dangerous and serious procedure, so I doubled my efforts to make sure I treated her and supported her as well as I could do. Her parents grew further hostile towards me and my ex's friends did so too, which made me even more miserable. Eventually, just before her surgery, she decided to end it he relationship, saying that we just weren't working and she'd need way too much support that I could possibly give, what with exams coming up. I was devastated and spent several days walking around feeling as if all the joy had been lost from the world. We eventually talked and got back together, as I felt tremendously guilty about us breaking up before her surgery and wanted to support her through it, as I still loved her dearly. Many things happened in the days leading up to the operation and I reached my mental breaking point. I had asked her parents to update me with her progress every day or two after the surgery and to let me know when I could come and see her, but I got two texts in 5 days, despite sending around 10 to them. I eventually rang them up, but the conversation lasted around 40 seconds and I then learnt via Facebook that my ex had been updating her new friends about her progress, but kept me in the dark. I snapped at that point and swore that when I next saw her, I would end the relationship. I could not keep taking **** like that, so I decided to get out of the relationship, for my own health and sanity. We have barely spoken since breaking up, I have tried initiating conversations, but she gave me one word answers and no eye contact. I have spent the last year and three quarters trying to piece my heart back together, but to no avail. The thought of another relationship is literally painful and I am a very different person now, far more cold and emotionless than before. I see love as a terrible and dangerous emotion, which I know is silly, but I cannot help it. I don't worry about much anymore and I have lost all the confidence I once had, only now beginning to get some of it back. I have ruined my college grades over her, which is my fault. I have kissed girls since, but only in the last several months and only when drunk at parties - they meant nothing to me. Romantic films and any songs associated to my ex only make me sad and mournful. I think about her everyday and dream about her often, remembering the times we spent together and the holidays we had. She has been in a relationship now for around 5 months, which makes me doubt that she ever really loved me at all, even though she told me she did. I don't really know why I have written all this, but it was nice to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading
erklat Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Can't give you any advice for this situation but can give you support for I know how it looks like when you are sad two years later over failed relationship. You shouldn't know anything about her life at this point tho.
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