catlady11 Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I haven't seen my ex in over a month. We had started a "break" at first but it turned into a break up. Tonight I'm meeting someone for coffee. I met him on an online dating site and we've been messaging/texting for over a week. Turns out he's the cousin of a guy I went to elementary school with for 8 years. Small world. Anyway, I still miss my ex badly. It seems sometimes like the more that time passes the stronger the ache gets missing him. I know it's good for me to get out. I don't have my hopes up but I admit it would be nice if we hit it off. Part of me wants to cancel and just sit on the couch because it seems like too much effort.
LeslieKnope Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Go! It's just coffee, not a trip to the altar. You go for an hour or two and you go home. You might me surprised at how much fun you'll have and/or what a confidence builder it is. 1
aloneinaz Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 OMG... GGOO!! Just getting off your couch and having a coffee with someone from the opposite sex will do you a world of good! It will be fun and maybe you'll meet a new friend. I dated like 6 weeks after getting my heart torn out. I'd healed enough to know I'd never date her again. The question was did I miss the nice version of her (that was rare towards the end) or did I miss the companionship of the R/S. I live alone and while I LLOOVVEE my alone time and space, I do enjoy and want the company of the opposite sex too. You just need to breathe and relax. Get excited to get out into the dating arena again. You certainly don't need to JUMP into another relationship. Just go enjoy the company and conversation. PS, EVERYONE is at some stage of getting over their last ex while they are dating. 1
Author catlady11 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 I'm back from the coffee date (met a guy online and we've been messaging/texting for over a week). It went ok, we chatted for over 2 hours. He seems nice but I doubt I'll ever hear from him again. I didn't feel any connection and I doubt he did either. I feel worse All tonight did was serve to remind me how much I miss my ex and the connection we had. We clicked on our first date-it was like we had known each other for ages. I don't want to try any more. It's too painful. How in the world will I find someone like him again? I don't see it happening. 1
ZiggyZoo Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Don't get so discouraged, you just need more time. I remember feeling just how you do when my ex-husband left me, and I got through it. But I had a few dates where I went home and cried because I didn't think I would ever get over him and find someone else. But I sure did, and you will too. Hang in there. 1
aloneinaz Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 I'm back from the coffee date (met a guy online and we've been messaging/texting for over a week). It went ok, we chatted for over 2 hours. He seems nice but I doubt I'll ever hear from him again. I didn't feel any connection and I doubt he did either. I feel worse All tonight did was serve to remind me how much I miss my ex and the connection we had. We clicked on our first date-it was like we had known each other for ages. I don't want to try any more. It's too painful. How in the world will I find someone like him again? I don't see it happening. You're clearly NOT being honest with yourself here when thinking back about your last relationship. From your other post about that break up, you stated that the 7 month relationship included your BF who didn't really love you or thought he may never had and then ended it. How was that a great connection? Wasn't it one sided? Anyway, back to tonight. Dating is like making sales calls. You have to get in front of a lot of potentials to get a sale. The same applies to dating. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find you prince. Shake it off and change the negative thoughts in your head. Also, stop making (in your head) the last relationship to be some great thing. It clearly wasn't and you deserve one that is. You're going to have to be patient to get there. STAY POSITIVE 4
mrldii Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 ...All tonight did was serve to remind me how much I miss my ex and the connection we had. We clicked on our first date-it was like we had known each other for ages. I don't want to try any more. It's too painful. How in the world will I find someone like him again? I don't see it happening. And that's why you should do it again. If you'd always felt this way, you never would have had that first date with your ex where you did connect with someone so easily. If we connected with everyone so easily at every first-meet, there'd never be someone special in our lives. Best of luck to you... 5
Author catlady11 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 Aloneinaz: Even though my ex didn't love me or feel the same way I did about him we still had a connection, still had a deep friendship. When we met there was no awkwardness, we were totally comfortable with eachother from the get-go. But I do hear what you're saying. Funny you should mention sales calls...I do business to business calling and an appointment is like getting a "sale" lol.
LeslieKnope Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Oh, catlady, I'm so proud of you. So maybe this guy wasn't a match. So what? Before your last relationship, I'm sure you went on at least a few dates that didn't amount to much. Completely normal. Prior to my last relationship, I went on lots of dates with guys, quite a few of which amounted to no more than 1, 2 or 3 dates because we weren't suited for one another. That doesn't mean you won't meet someone else eventually. Think of it this way: right now, these dates are like training wheels on a bike. You're still getting used to it. Let yourself be uncertain but get the practice in. Eventually, you'll feel better. It's not easy, but you're headed in the right direction. Well done. 1
aisuru Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 I don't know how old you are or how many serious relationships you have had in your life. But I promise you that each relationship gets better and typically more intense, if you don't hold back. It will happen without you forcing it to happen. I promise it will happen again. I've been there. And while I'm healing from a recent breakup now, I also know that I take what I learned from a failed relationship to improve the next one. It's okay to not be ready to date right now. It's okay to date and not have that moment/connection with the first or fifth or fiftieth guy you meet. It's okay to have a lot of meet ups in search of that one. It's okay to know what you want and expect in the next relationship. You'll find it. I swear. All of this leads to something better. I believe that.
aloneinaz Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Aloneinaz: Even though my ex didn't love me or feel the same way I did about him we still had a connection, still had a deep friendship. When we met there was no awkwardness, we were totally comfortable with eachother from the get-go. Ok, so you had SSOOMMEE of the ingredients of a relationship. Now, learn from that so your next relationship will have ALL the ingredients of a fantastic one. No one should 'settle' for a relationship that doesn't include everything that makes them great. Sadly, most of us on LS have done exactly that and our participation on this site demonstrates the negative outcome. Now, since your have a sales background, continue to market yourself to the right "client base"! 1
Lorenza Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 I did the same mistake. Went on a day waaaaay too early and all it did was make me feel angry and frustrated: "Why the hell do I have to spend such a lovely sunset with this stranger I feel nothing for, instead of someone I really want to be here with??". Towards the end of the date I felt tears and sadness choking me up, while I still tried to act friendly and happy, then at some point I excused myself and burst into tears the very moment that guy went away. I could barely breath and promised myself I won't date until I really get my ex out of my system, cause going on dates too early can be too traumatic and discouraging. Just give it time, don't see any guys, just chat if that distracts you. Of course you can't see anything happening, it's the same as food poisoning - the moment you're feeling nauseous and throwing up, you can't even imagine eating anything, but you know, that you will want to eat, after the poisoning is gone. Same with post-breakup dating
Ariess10 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 I'm back from the coffee date (met a guy online and we've been messaging/texting for over a week). It went ok, we chatted for over 2 hours. He seems nice but I doubt I'll ever hear from him again. I didn't feel any connection and I doubt he did either. I feel worse All tonight did was serve to remind me how much I miss my ex and the connection we had. We clicked on our first date-it was like we had known each other for ages. I don't want to try any more. It's too painful. How in the world will I find someone like him again? I don't see it happening. this is why I haven't dated nor plan on it anytime soon.. You gotta give yourself time .. I don't get why people feel like they have to go out and get someone new right away .. Take time
BriNyc82 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Hang in there. I had the same experience last week where I just didn't feel a connection and it flooded me with memories of my ex and our first date which was so effortless and fun. Like my mom says you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to get your prince. Try to have low expectations on these dates. Otherwise you may find yourself disappointed.
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