He's an awesome boyfriend, but never offers to take me out, or pay for anything

[Ashley S]

So, I have been dating this guy. I didn't want to push the "relationship" label because he hasn't taken me out on a proper date. All we do is go to bars, and he'll pay for drinks, but I can tell he is really selfish because when he buys stuff, it's for him. He never took me out to eat, he never wants to go anywhere but bars, and it's not even fun, cool bars. It's scuzzy, old people bars.

 

He claims how much he is in love with me, how he's going to marry me, have babies with me, etc. I tried breaking it off with him, but he threatened suicide, and showed up at my house drinking a whole fifth of vodka because he was trying to "kill himself", because he can't deal with me not being in his life. The only reason why I broke it off is because he mentioned his ex Lizzy, and wanted all of us to hang out, and he spoke highly of her, so I didn't feel comfortable with it. He kept bringing her up though, knowing it's a touchy subject for me, so that's when I was like "we're done. If you want to be with her, be with her then. Don't toy me around." He claims she is a longtime friend , and they tried the dating thing, but it didn't work out. He claims he would only be friends with her, and he loves me too much.

 

He kept making suicide threats when I broke it off with him, so out of pity I guess, I took him back. He is really loving, but he doesn't do the normal boyfriend things, that I feel he should do. He has yet to take me anywhere other than a bar. He has yet to buy me anything. I didn't have sex with him yet, but it's because I am weary of him.

 

What should I do? Break it off for good? I'm sorry, but my attitude is, if you are going to be my boyfriend, and you are sooo "in love" with me, then you have to play the part. Take me out, and show me a good time. I suggested that to him, and he just says "Ok", but never actually does it. He is a trucker so he makes like $1200 a week, so he makes more than enough to do a lot of things. I need people's opinions, because he also brought up Lizzy again when he knows that she was the reason I broke it off with him. He says he was just trying to be"honest", and tell me that she's "hitting him up" cause we are together, and it's "only right". I don't know how to take him because he says all the right things to me, and is super in love with me, yet he doesn't court me around, or do anything with me besides going to a bar, and he buys himself things he needs, or wants, but not me. Tell me your thoughts. Thanks.

[Poppyolive]

How long have you been dating?

Where did you meet?

How old are both of you?

 

 

.u think you need to break up. It's clear from what you have written, that be is a tortured soul. Dates in bars, showing up drink, threatening suicide.. These are not traits of a healthy, stable man, that lacks self love and whatever else is causing him pain. How can he possibily out his all into a relationship with you?

 

You, you will get burnt. Hurt. Destroyed. What are you missing/ needing to work on that you attracted a broken man. Move on. This man is not capable of loving you. If be threatens suicide, tell him you will call the police to help me. Don't let him manipulate you.

[d0nnivain]

He's manipulating you with the suicide claims. If he tries it again, call the police & have him involuntarily committed to a 72 hour psych hold, especially if he's drunk.

 

 

If you would prefer to continue dating him talk to him about your expectations Next time he says lets go to Old People's Bar, say no, lets go to cool hip place for a change of pace. See what he does. While you are there, ask why he never takes you on dates.

[mrldii]

So, I have been dating this guy. I didn't want to push the "relationship" label because he hasn't taken me out on a proper date. All we do is go to bars, and he'll pay for drinks, but I can tell he is really selfish because when he buys stuff, it's for him. He never took me out to eat, he never wants to go anywhere but bars, and it's not even fun, cool bars. It's scuzzy, old people bars.

 

He claims how much he is in love with me, how he's going to marry me, have babies with me, etc. I tried breaking it off with him, but he threatened suicide, and showed up at my house drinking a whole fifth of vodka because he was trying to "kill himself", because he can't deal with me not being in his life. The only reason why I broke it off is because he mentioned his ex Lizzy, and wanted all of us to hang out, and he spoke highly of her, so I didn't feel comfortable with it. He kept bringing her up though, knowing it's a touchy subject for me, so that's when I was like "we're done. If you want to be with her, be with her then. Don't toy me around." He claims she is a longtime friend , and they tried the dating thing, but it didn't work out. He claims he would only be friends with her, and he loves me too much.

 

He kept making suicide threats when I broke it off with him, so out of pity I guess, I took him back. He is really loving, but he doesn't do the normal boyfriend things, that I feel he should do. He has yet to take me anywhere other than a bar. He has yet to buy me anything. I didn't have sex with him yet, but it's because I am weary of him.

 

What should I do? Break it off for good? I'm sorry, but my attitude is, if you are going to be my boyfriend, and you are sooo "in love" with me, then you have to play the part. Take me out, and show me a good time. I suggested that to him, and he just says "Ok", but never actually does it. He is a trucker so he makes like $1200 a week, so he makes more than enough to do a lot of things. I need people's opinions, because he also brought up Lizzy again when he knows that she was the reason I broke it off with him. He says he was just trying to be"honest", and tell me that she's "hitting him up" cause we are together, and it's "only right". I don't know how to take him because he says all the right things to me, and is super in love with me, yet he doesn't court me around, or do anything with me besides going to a bar, and he buys himself things he needs, or wants, but not me. Tell me your thoughts. Thanks.

 

 

I won't tell you my thoughts...I'll [re]introduce you to yours, since you wrote them.

 

 

You're wondering if you did the right thing by breaking it off with a boozing alcoholic who is OK spending money as long as it involves booze and who becomes "suicidal" when you say you're breaking it off with him, by threatening to drink himself to death.

 

And, the only reason you said you were going to break it off with him is because he talks about his ex a lot; even that might be OK, if he'd spend money on you for other things, besides just your drinks in bars.

 

 

There's no "relationship"; it's simply two co-dependents hanging out with one another.

 

 

Best of luck to you...

[Strahatmak]

Making a threat is already a very bad sign.

He is making empty promises just to keep you. He is definitely not in love with you, at least not the way how we define "love". He is controlling and manipulative.

Trust me, I had a very bad relationship with an abusive and manipulative man. He is sick literally. Personality disorder. These kind of people know how to talk you out with beautiful stories or threats. They will go to people who are nice, have empathy and have heavy emotional dependency. Never trust their single word. Leave now.

[dpn4u]

This is why bars are the worst place to meet people...

 

Dating is all about hanging out with a person you have fun with. If you aren't having fun with him, what's the point? It's not going to get better.

 

I'd have taken you to dinner, sent flowers randomly, cooked for you, and bought you a spa day by now.

 

The last thing I'd want to do is take you to a bar where drunk people will disrespect you. You are way too cute for that.

 

If he does commit suicide, it's not your fault, he'd have found a reason if he had never met you. Tell him if you have to go to another old man bar that you will be the one committing suicide.

 

If he won't do something other than an old man bar to keep you from committing suicide, why should you stay with him to keep him from committing suicide?

 

Break it down for him, you don't need that crap and he's just manipulating you.

[Chief Wiggum]

I tried breaking it off with him, but he threatened suicide, and showed up at my house drinking a whole fifth of vodka because he was trying to "kill himself"

Awesome boyfriend, you said? Him not paying for your drinks is the least of your concern lol.

[fitnessfan365]

The thread title says "He's an awesome boyfriend" and then you proceed to say he's threatened suicide multiple times. What about that is awesome to you Ashley?

 

I'm sorry, but my advice is the same as it was in your other threads. You need to take a break from dating and seek treatment to deal w-your low self esteem. There is something broken in you that keeps finding losers like this charming. Until you find out what that is and deal with it, your luck is never going to change. It's a shame too because you're a beautiful young woman and should have a stable guy in your life for a change.

[ExpatInItaly]

The thread title says "He's an awesome boyfriend" and then you proceed to say he's threatened suicide multiple times. What about that is awesome to you Ashley?

I'm sorry, but my advice is the same as it was in your other threads. You need to take a break from dating and seek treatment to deal w-your low self esteem. There is something broken in you that keeps finding losers like this charming. Until you find out what that is and deal with it, your luck is never going to change. It's a shame too because you're a beautiful young woman and should have a stable guy in your life for a change.

 

All of this. Ashley, this guy is a terrible boyfriend. If that's your definition of awesome, I'd hate to see what you define as a bad boyfriend! And if he's not actually your boyfriend, what is the point of all of this?

 

He's manipulative and toxic. For some reason, are attracted to this. That is what you should be examining. You need to get to the bottom of why you think these types of guys are good for you. I would run if a guy like that said he wanted to marry me and have children. Actually, first I would laugh in his face for thinking I have no standards, and then I would run. I can't figure out why you're not doing the same.