thorin Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I am in no contact for about 4-5 months, or something like that. I think about her from time to time, but what irritates me most is that I feel like I have to make my life as great as possible and do something so she finds out about this. Which means I moved out of my parents house and started spending money for living alone. That might be good for me, but it means I want to invite her girl-friend to my house and show her how i live and how good my current job is, so that my ex will regret dumping me. Even though I know she probably wont give a damn about it. It ended with inviting her twice and then changing my mind. Another thing is that Ive been kissing with the girl above and her other girl-friend, probably because of the same reason. It however doesnt bother me that much, and nothing happened. But I suspect the root cause of me doing this is so my ex sees how good Im doing with girls and what an alpha male I am, even though Im not. I believe it is some kind of a problem, how can I deal with this?
StalwartMind Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Easier said than done, but you need to learn to stop caring about things/people that don't care about you. I think this is a struggle for many let themselves be too influenced by the action and judgement of others. Truthfully when people want "to get back" at someone, I'm sure it'll grant you some temporary relief, but after that, then what? You're still in the same place and position, she dumped you. "But StalwartMind what if I make her see how great I'm doing and she wants me back?" Well I ask you, why would you want someone back who dumped you? What if she does it again, are you ready to go through all this again, etc. Whatever the reason was for her dumping you in the first place, I would caution anyone to just open someone back with open arms, don't invite potential misery without being aware of the risks involved. You would benefit greatly from strengthening your confidence, and I highly doubt the path your mind is currently set to is the best way to go about things. We all place value on different things and whatever your qualities are, there's bound to be someone who will notice them, probably just not your ex though. Also I'd actually advise not using other people to "show" your ex how great you are doing, as you would be contributing to the problem of people being hurt. Treat people as you wish to be treated, open yourself to the possibility that there is another really nice person out there who will treat you right and who you will adore too. Be a better person by not giving into negative thoughts, break any cycle of negative emotions, might as well start with you.
Chronograph Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I kind of had the same thing: After the breakup I moved out, to another city, got a job, met new people - cool people - and the thought was always in the back of my mind: "you'll see! You'll see how incredibly cool I am, how great, you'll regret that you have left me, oh yeah, you'll see!" After two months I reached out to him, wanted to start lose email contact and possibly tell him about my new great achievements. It turned out he didn't want any contact. He wasn't interested, he didn't care. That's when I realized that I have to do everything for myself, not in order to show him or anybody else how great I am. I could do what I want. That's the big plus (but it also can be scary) of being on your own. I do not need to please anyone. And I cannot (unfortunately) please my ex. There is no way to impress him. He decided he doesn't want to be with me anymore. That's it. I can be as cool as I want. And I can also be as uncool as I want. It's about what you want! Take the focus away from her! It's ****ing hard, but it's the only way. You have to let go of hope, that she'll be back or that anything will make her want you back.
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