dragonwalker Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Ok, met a girl about a month ago that I asked out on a date. We've met only about once a week for the past month. I've taken her to different places and we have had a good time. I'm not very good at escalating things on the physical level because I am very experienced despite being 27. Anyway, on the second date I try to go for a kiss but I'm rejected and told I can give her a hug. This hurt but I tried to work past this because she continued to talk to me. We talk about every other day. She's currently quite busy finishing a master's and interning full time. She is 23 and a student from China and I'm American born Chinese so there are a few cultural things as well. Last date we go to dinner where she says something discouraging again and I was not in the mood to try to "escalate." I don't and a few days later she texts saying she wasn't sure that I like her. I explain issues that I've had with her and things seem to get ironed out. With her even saying nothing was stopping me that night from going further. I like her and want to see where things go. However I find myself always taking the initiative asking her to go out and coming up with the plans and doing the planning. I just feel it's a bit one sided effort on my part. However, she seems to be optimistic each time so I can't say she is not interested. This also applies to our communication as well. It's weird because we will not really have an on going conversation in one sitting but rather it will take hours for her to respond to texts. She canceled the last scheduled time we would meet up because she said she wasn't feeling well after the late night before. I accepted that and told her to contact me about her availability on the following Saturday. Part of me just wants to not communicate with her at all until she takes the initiative but yet I don't want to be playing games by doing that. However I think it's a bit of my ego where I don't want to be seen as the desperate one. Coincidentally she just texted me now about meeting for food which I replied saying later this week. This will be out 5th time out and do you think I'm going out of line by saying that I've got to at least get a kiss out of this or I'm walking ? Since after a month and 4 dates we've gotten to only do some hugs?? Part of this is my fault but is it to much to ask for a girl to drop me some hints during the date that things are going well or that I can go further? It's challenging for me to get a vibe from her on issues like these because she is shy and doesn't ask a lot of questions.
Toodaloo Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I think you should ask her what is going on... A month in and no kiss? Last time that happened to me he flaked and was not all that considerate about it either... Just ask the question then shut up and listen. Even when the silence feels "heavy" stay quiet and listen to her... She will probably say something just to fill the void. Good luck.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Meet her and have a chat face-to-face. Don't tell her she needs to kiss you or it's off. That will likely not be received well. Instead, you could explain that physical affection is important to you and you value that in a partner. See how she responds. If she's still resistant to more than a hug, I don't think anything else needs to be said. This might just not be a great match for you and you can take that and move on.
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