sunlover82 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I work with my ex boyfriend and we have been broken up for awhile but we were still on good speaking terms. He used to say things to me like "if we get back together," "I miss u," and he loved me. He knew all along my heart was still in it. Then when I asked him about us he decided to switch gears and just remained quiet which in turn made me push harder for questions. I regret doing it now but why would he say those things and suddenly just get upset with me. We got into many arguments and he got upset, yelled, and got teary eyed. He went cold which in turn made me feel like he used me only to get a promotion at work. He recently told me that he did miss me and loved me but differently than I did and then went into full ignore mode. When I asked him about it at work after a month he stated he needed time and space away from me and that I pushed him to not want to be friends. I know I messed up by pushing him but he could never just get out his emotion and just avoided it leaving unanswered questions. Do I want him back, yes. I truly love him but I feel all hope for that is lost. I don't know what to do or how to cope now. Can I get him back because I'm so lost. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Why did you break up? It's hard to say if there's any chance left. He seems to not be interested right now. And why would you want someone who tells you he misses you and then turns around and ignore you? Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 It's been over a year now and i dont think there is any hope. He is being really inconsiderate, unfair and cruel to say these things and be vague about the future. Ignore him right back and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Ignore him right back and move on with your life. It's the worst thing to hear "move on with your life" or "Block/ignore them forever". We put these people on a pedestal, make excuses for them, think we can change them, believe they really love us. The sad truth is that none of it is true. We must face the facts that sometimes the ones we love are just HORRIBLE PEOPLE. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 It's the worst thing to hear "move on with your life" or "Block/ignore them forever". We put these people on a pedestal, make excuses for them, think we can change them, believe they really love us. The sad truth is that none of it is true. We must face the facts that sometimes the ones we love are just HORRIBLE PEOPLE. Yep, it sux and is a very hard thing to do. But it is essential. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Yep, it sux and is a very hard thing to do. But it is essential. I had to learn it the hard way. Sometimes these lesson can only be taught by experience. The best thing you can do from all the pain and suffering you endure from a BU is to learn by it. Never make the same mistake twice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
keebee Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 He is being cruel. He knows how you feel about him and your desire to get back together and he's using that to get what he wants from you. Whether it's work-related, an ego boost, or keeping you strung along as a second option, the things he says to you are not for your benefit. They are for his. If you look at him and how truly selfish he is being, it might be easier to move on. I know we (I include myself in this group) see our exes in the best possible light because we love/loved them and want everything to end up with a happy ending. But things just don't go that way. The person YOU deserve and the person YOU end up with will not take advantage of your good nature or say things that he knows will break your heart. Make no mistake--this guy knows that treating you coldly and going back and forth between saying he wants to get back together/needing more time/ignoring you hurts you. He simply doesn't care. Would you want to spend your life with someone who can do that to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunlover82 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 And I have told him that. It isn't easy that's for sure but how and what do I do to get this out of my head? I've confronted him with the selfishness of his words and that's when he goes silent and gets teary eyed and also calls me annoying. I just don't get why he gets that way. I've even told him that this is what's but all I get is, "I have alot going on" I probably should move on but I don't know how. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunlover82 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 So what do I do now? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I don't know if he's using you or not. I get the feeling that he avoids the hard conversation, and he just says these things to avoid hurting your feelings, but he doesn't really want to be involved in these conversations at all. You keep at him until he reaches his breaking point, and then he gets a little more direct. If he could man up, he'd probably look at you with ice-cold steely eyes and tell you to leave him the hell alone and to go get a life. But reading what you wrote, he doesn't sound like a guy who would say that to anybody. So instead, you get what you've been getting. It's easier on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunlover82 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 Well its a cruel way to treat a person. The teeter totter emotions isn't how you should treat a person. One minute, I miss u and the next, I need space. Makes 0 sense. I've been honest so why can't he. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Well its a cruel way to treat a person. The teeter totter emotions isn't how you should treat a person. One minute, I miss u and the next, I need space. Makes 0 sense. I've been honest so why can't he.Fear of disappointing you. Lots of ego, nothing behind it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BriNyc82 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Because not everyone is as honest as you are. Avoiding uncomfortable convos is so much easier. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunlover82 Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 So I'll never get closure. Seems like I wasted alot of time and got stuck on worthless words. All hope should be thrown in the trash then. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 So I'll never get closure. Seems like I wasted alot of time and got stuck on worthless words. All hope should be thrown in the trash then.Closure is achieved at precisely the moment you don't give a **** anymore. It is a glorious feeling of relief. You'll get there. Don't worry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunlover82 Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 I hope it's sooner than later. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I still care but it's hard when I have to work with him. He started this whole mess and I'm regretful of it all now. My heart hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
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