curly Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 I haven't posted my events in a while and they've been dramatic. let's just say that for the 3rd time he's left and went back. It has left me devastated, yet at this point I might acutally be getting used to his leaving. I am devastated some days and other, I'm functioningl. Right now, I'm at my parents's hose and, literally in the death throws of watching my 67 year old father die of lung and related cancer. He's been going through it since MM and I have been together (almost 1 year). I don't know whether to call and tell him how much I hate him for making me go through this without him. Or tell him how mcu of an as* holehe is for npt being there for me. All I know is that I want to talk to him. Help!!! BTW - I'm deep in the cups and any help asap would be appreciated.
BigB Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Keep your head up, it will get better. read this, it might help. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t62103/
DepressedWaiting Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 That is absolutely DISGUSTING. He left his wife to be with you and then went back to her and is now bouncing back and forth? Please please please just forget about him. He isn't worth anything whatsoever and is a complete waste of time. I can't even IMAGINE putting up with that. Never! That is terrible. Terrible to be involved in an affair in the first place but then to bounce back and forth is absurd. I wish he were standing in front of me I would kick him till he wouldn't be able to get up ever again. Makes me sick!!!
SadAndLonely Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Forget about him. He isn't obligated in any way to be there for you during hard times like this. Call up a friend instead. This should just be about your father, not your ex-MM. I hope you'll be ok.
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ This thread is by No Foolin' in the coping section. SO many people have found it helpful...I only wish No Foolin's awesome advice was around when I was younger and dealing with break-ups etc... Curly, hang in there...I'm sorry you're in so much pain...Lots of hugs to you!
WithOrWithoutYou Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Originally posted by DepressedWaiting That is absolutely DISGUSTING. He left his wife to be with you and then went back to her and is now bouncing back and forth? What she is going through is really not that uncommon (MW do that too). There is something from their marriage they are not getting or that is making their lives unhappy, so they go looking for something better, and often find it, yet letting go is often something they will not choose to do. So they just keep coming back, but not really, not in a real way. It's sad, it's selfish, but it really isn't that uncommon. Ultimately, they will make a decision one way or the other, and 4 times out of 5, it is to go back to the very situation they ran from in the first place, and be miserable, keeping their spouse as miserable as they are in an unhappy marriage, and leaving another person miserable as a result, after playing with someone's heart for a year or so. I guess it is a human thing, to fear change, even if change is for the better. Sometimes, life just sucks. Hang in there curly, it will get better. A lot of us have been there.
Author curly Posted May 8, 2005 Author Posted May 8, 2005 Thanks for the replies - I didn't call, but I called his vmail at work and left "anonymous" messages with just songs plsying from the radio in the car. Yes, he'll probably know it's me but I didn't speak. So he won't respond. BTW - i left a message 2 weeks ago asking him to call me with an explanation. No response. It hurts so much. Watching my family say good bye to my father hurts. It all hurts right now. I've missed the cheating, rotten bast*ard of a MM today more than I like to admit, even to myself. He made so many promises. And where's he right now? With the fool that he made promises to also. I know he's worthless. But he hurt my feelings so much. I hate myself for feeling so hurt by such a worthless pig. This is the hardest emotions to go through. The betrayal, rejection, jealousy... it's so hard. It's like the same roller coaster he put me on but there are no more highs. My father is sleeping.. most of the day. Don't know if it's days, weeks. Who knows? But it's heart-wrenching. And not having the MM with me is hard, knowing that MM knows this is happening and still is not with me - even harder. Sounds like a mastercard commercial. Thanks for the coping threads. I've seen them & they've helped. One day at a time, right?
kkat Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Curly, I'm so sorry for your father's illness and for the pain you are going through. Let's see if we can find some solutions for you. Since you are having such a hard time right now accomplishing NC, (something I can painfully relate to...) I'm thinking that perhaps we could break your approach into more manageable steps? If drinking makes it harder for you to control the urge to call his VM, could you curb your drinking for a bit? It sounds like, unless I'm missing something, that you haven't called him in 2 weeks, but you have called his voicemail "anonymously", which you seem to realize he will recognize is you. When I am tempted to do hang-ups or phone calls, I FORCE myself to recognize that for me, if I can make it through a brief period of time (sometimes only a few minutes, sometimes a couple of hours) that I can usually make it another day without calling him. So, I force myself to immediately leave my house, without my mobile, go for a walk, call a client, do various things that will distract me. Is there anything healthy or anyone healthy that makes you feel better right now that talking to him? Can you engage in those behaviors or with those people? Go to a movie, talk to a friend, ride a bike, take a walk, cook, eat, anything? I have personally attempted NC so many times it's ridiculous but have had success and healing each time I really stuck to it. This time it has been a week and I am doing much better already. I might post the details in my own thread....just letting you know I understand and care. Good luck. My prayers are with your family.
New_Wife Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 I've not been in your position - but I've been in some painful spots that I should've known better than to get myself into before, so I can relate to that portion of your post. You wrote that you are mad at yourself (I'm paraphrasing, please forgive any misinterpretations) for still missing this man who is worthless. I've been on the other side. And I knew he was worthless. And yet I loved him, married him, had some children with him, hoping he'd change. He didn't. The fact that I SHOULD Have known better didn't negate the feelings. You can't edit what you feel with logic - it just doesn't work that way. What you feel is what you feel. Sometimes, you learn from it though. Then it seems somewhat worth it - later. But I won't lie and say that it ever felt all the way worth some of the pain & loss I went through. Be sure to try to take care of yourself - get some counseling - so that when you do heal it's strong scar - not an easily reinfected scab (I know, gross analogy. There's a reason I'm not a greeting-card author)
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