Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I've been getting to know this guy but I feel a bit distant and it's not the distance between us and our two cities although that might have something to do with it. First of all, he has a son. He has more than once wanted me to meet his son, but I have said that I did not want to meet his son until I know for sure that we are serious and that we are going for the long haul. Otherwise, it could be quite confusing for him and it might not be the right thing for both of us. I want to solidify our bond and relationship before his son is involved and I believe that this is the sensible thing to do. He says he understands but he admits that he is offended. He even have asked that his son come on our dates with us, but I assured him that a date is between two consenting adults that are trying to get to know each other, a little child turns it into a play date and that is not appropriate. Again he said he understood but was offended. I guess he believed that something so precious to him ( like his son) was getting snuffed or rejected and in turn it made him feel rejected. But I don't understand what is not clear about this. Mind you, he has been a single dad for 7 years raising his son on his own, his son is his life. But I politely said that you can raise your son and still pursue the girl you just have to manage them separately until the time is right and even then you have to make time for the woman in your life. He has been single for the amount of time he has raised his son so sometimes I wonder part of it is that he is rusty and out of practice and doesn't really know HOW to pursue a lady? could that be it? plus I am very busy and so is he so finding time to skype is quite a bother too. I find myself losing interest and I wonder if it is because the distance is so great and I feel this isn't working. My friend said perhaps I should save money and go back to see him again but he hasn't once made arrangements to come see me. My friend also suggested that I allow his son to come down but I still find that not appropriate. Perhaps the son can come down but I just don't want to meet him yet and I certainly do not want him to come on our dates, am i right for holding this stance? I've also just want to get on with my study and meet men locally and continue to date. We are not in an official relationship despite talking about it for ages, but I feel he has been on the fence about actually making things official which in turn has made me less and less interested in him. What do people suggest I do? I feel I am right in this but I might be too harsh and so therefore I'm beginning to feel guilty.
HereNorThere Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 How long have you been dating? I think you're going to have to accept that man and his kid are a package deal. He didn't ask you to be the child's mother, he just simply wants to share something special from his life with you. It's probably important to him to see how you react to children because there's no reason investing time with someone who isn't going to treat your child well. 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted August 3, 2015 Author Posted August 3, 2015 well he lives an hour away by plane. I'm not very well off, meaning I am constantly broke being a student and he is got projects that he can't really deter from so the distance is hard enough. I have been on a few dates with him but only a few as I flew up to meet him where he is. He hasn't yet made an arrangement to see me. On the times that I met him he wanted me ( first time and second) he wanted his son to come with him on the date. I just felt it was all too soon as i only JUST met him face to face so meeting his son was all a bit too soon and too sudden. We have been talking since January.
Gaeta Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Drop this. I don't understand why you'd be interested in a man that lives 1 hour flight away. Why do you even start conversation with these men. Something is wrong with this man for wanting to involve his son so soon and something is even more wrong that he sees nothing wrong in the fact only YOU have had flight expenses so far. How do you see a future with this man. flying back and forth! seeing him a couple of times a month? It's just not viable.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 1 hour by flight? How long do you spend in line for that flight? How far away is he by car or train?
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted August 3, 2015 Author Posted August 3, 2015 Drop this. I don't understand why you'd be interested in a man that lives 1 hour flight away. Why do you even start conversation with these men. Something is wrong with this man for wanting to involve his son so soon and something is even more wrong that he sees nothing wrong in the fact only YOU have had flight expenses so far. How do you see a future with this man. flying back and forth! seeing him a couple of times a month? It's just not viable. so funny because I've been made to feel like the selfish one and the unreasonable one in this situation and that "me not meeting his son is a sign of my selfishness"
Popsicle Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I would take it as a great honor if a man wanted me to meet his son. However, I am skeptical of LDR's working out.
Gaeta Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I would take it as a great honor if a man wanted me to meet his son. However, I am skeptical of LDR's working out. If a man dates me 3 months and he wants to introduce his 7 yo to me I would feel honored as he had time to see into my character and he judges me worthy of being introduced in his child's life. In OP's case when a man insists on introducing his 7 yo after only a couple of dates I call that irresponsible parenting. The man knows nothing of Olivia, he's in love with love and he's in it for himself.
HereNorThere Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I agree that LDRs are SUPER hard, but I've seen too many of them work out over the long haul for me to say they're impossible. My brother spent many a year traveling back and forth to from the states to Europe and is now happily married to his his beautiful European wife. I've traveled there with him before and the I think my total travel time was on at least 6 different planes and roughly 24 hours. Your one hour (which is what, 4 to 6 in a car?) isn't even a big deal if it's what you decide you want. They loved each other and even the Atlantic Ocean wasn't enough to keep them apart.
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