Jamieshea Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I am a woman and I started dating a girl last November. I ended up moving in because it was financially better and we were kinda using each other for comfort at first because we had both just gotten out of relationships. Well a few months later that changed and we started acting like we were together. She told me from the start that she just wanted to date and didn't want to commit yet. She wasn't looking for others but if someone came alone she would date them. We have since gotten really close like life partners. We tell each other we love each other and care for each other and talk about the future together. She recently said that she has never met anyone like me. This is where the **** hits the fan. She was hanging with her friend one night this past week and said they went to a gay bar after and she said she met someone and talked to her a couple hours. She started crying which she never does and said that she respected me and really cared for me and didn't want to lose me. She said said we don't have a relationship yet so wants to be sure I'm the one. She said she used to be a big player which she told me when we first started going out and now she's looking for different types of people and wants to be sure I'm the right one. We both cried and went to bed with very little sleep. Flashback to the previous weekend and she was texting someone and I asked who. She said my friend so I just laughed and was like why don't you just tell me her name. She said her name is Tiffany and you always ask questions of how we met and I have many friends. For reference she does have a lot of different friends and she is always talking to them. Flash to present and we are still talking about what we both want out of this cause we planned on living together. She said she wants to date me and this other girl and figure out who is more compatible. She wanted me to date others too and said even before she commits to me she wants me to date at least 5 people to make sure cause when she commits it will just be me. Well I was thinking this could be ok. She's right. She is not committed. It just hit me like a train because we talked of the future and I thought she would just want to commit to me eventually. She said she wants to be open with me and she would tell me when she went on a date and she just wants us both to be mature and open about who we are dating just not the details. Now to present four days later. I asked her did she ever meet this girl prior to that night and she said no. I noticed that she was texting this girl a lot yesterday and noticed it was Tiffany. Well I looked online and found this girl on her Facebook is gay so I put two and two together and realized they met online prior to this. I just can't stand lies and she knows this. Well my friend told me to look at her texts and I did but there were messages from them where they were talking about sex and I just couldn't bring myself to look. So of course I woke her up and was mad and said why did you lie to me. And she said yeah it was a small lie. She said that she met her two weeks ago and that she didn't want to tell me that cause she was trying to protect me and that piece of information didn't even matter anyway. I mean she told me the night after the first date which was nice of her. I don't know if she just wanted to see how it went first before she told me or what. I know she likes her but she likes me too. She loves me in fact. Anyways, she said I was overreacting and acting crazy which I'll admit I was a little but I thought she was lying which she was but she admitted to it so I felt better about it. I asked her if she even wanted to date me anymore. She said she was didn't know cause she thinks I will continue to act crazy and paranoid. So now we are at that point of living together. She calls me by pet names still and kisses me only when I lean in. She texts this girl and they will talk to see if they are even going to date. I'm not a crazy person but I hate being lied to. I feel like I can trust her though now since she admitted to it. The other girl said wow all your exes are crazy and she was meaning me. I was offended by that because I never snoop and would never before this. It's like these four days ruined the last 8 months which have been so amazing. What I need to know is. Is this truly crazy behavior from me? Should I try to win her over and just act as I previously did before all this? I love her very much and don't need a commitment yet but I still want to date her. I feel confident that this girl is not going to turn into anything because me and Erica have so much compatibility. Even she said it herself but she says she can't decide because she doesn't want to make the wrong choice. She said in all of this she could lose both of us. She's very indecisive in every single thing she does. I just need to know if it's worth fighting for or just cut all ties. I need an objective look. Even as I wrote this she is sitting next to me and she's like who are you texting so she has to still care for me somewhat or she wouldn't care. Please help guys.
Satu Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 No, you're not crazy. For you to be running as a parallel test drive alongside the other woman, is not something you should have go through. I feel that you are being gaslighted, to some degree.
Author Jamieshea Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 But people date multiple people at the same time. How is this different? What doesn't gaslighted mean? So does this make the other girl crazy for calling me crazy lol
CTRL C Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Gaslighting is a form of mental and emotional manipulation and abuse. A lot of people use the term differently, but basically it's when one partner dismisses the other's relationship concerns and makes them feel insignificant/overbearing/generally crazy (the abuse part is when this is done intentionally to erode self esteem and make the partner easier to control). Satu did provide a link if you didn't catch it I don't think you're crazy. She wants to keep an eye out for better options while still having you as a backup. You have a right to be offended. You have a right to expectations in your relationship. She can choose to respect them or not, but she can't insult you for having them at all.
Author Jamieshea Posted August 3, 2015 Author Posted August 3, 2015 Lol I did she that after I replied. Well the thing is we aren't gf and gf. We have no relationship other than dating. She's just been so open with me and honest about so many other things. I feel like if she is doing it its not intentional. I'm not trying to defend her but I just feel deep down she would not do this to me. She doesn't want to hurt me in that way. If that's the case and it's intentional then she is really really good cause she's adamant that she does want to get married one day. I secretly hope this girl she will date will blow up in her face and she'll actually be the crazy one. She'll realize hey i should have stayed with Jamie. She was just a better fit for me and I ****ed it up. I just think she wants something but maybe she just won't be able to have it cause she will always be looking for something better
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