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She takes longer to reply to my texts after last date. Is she trying to fade me out?

Philosopher

By Philosopher
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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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An update on the situation. Early this evening she texted me suggesting we should meet up on Wednesday. Great I thought. I replied saying Wednesday would be good and I asked her what idea she had her on mind for meeting up. However again she never replied and did not return my call

 

This girl really is beginning to confuse me now :confused:. I think no contact may be the best course of action from now. If she gets back in contact and confirms the date, then great. If she does not contact me, then I will assume she is either not interested or is playing games.

It sounds like she's got you so far out on a limb she forgets you're out there half the time ....really I'd just cut your losses at this point.

 

From my experience, women hate neediness. This is a killer especially when you first start dating someone. Women love adventure, maybe things are becoming routine and boring for her. Figure out a way to bring some excitement to your next date, make sure you don't spend a lot of money either.

 

Women do hate neediness, but if she's already giving him the lukewarm treatment before he exhibited any substantial needy traits, there wasn't much there for him to begin with. You can't really salvage sth you never had.

RebelWithoutACause Established Member

RebelWithoutACause

Posted
Posted
An update on the situation. Early this evening she texted me suggesting we should meet up on Wednesday. Great I thought. I replied saying Wednesday would be good and I asked her what idea she had her on mind for meeting up. However again she never replied and did not return my call

 

This girl really is beginning to confuse me now :confused:. I think no contact may be the best course of action from now. If she gets back in contact and confirms the date, then great. If she does not contact me, then I will assume she is either not interested or is playing games.

 

If she didn't reply within 24 hours block her number.

Too be honest the only excuse i would accept for someone not replying to a text or call is if they died but even then 24 hours gives them plenty of time;).

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Philosopher Established Member

Philosopher

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Thanks all for the advice. I do agree attempting to call her after texting her was not the best course of action. I am not the most patient of individuals and I don't like waiting in general so I am prone to doing this sort of thing.

 

That said this lunchtime she got back to me saying she could no longer do Wednesday due to work commitments, however she then said she was free to meet up on Friday instead. I agreed to this and she confirmed. So it seems like she must be at least somewhat interesting in continuing dating. Perhaps she was just too busy to reply to texts, or just not that good at replying to texts / calls in general.

RebelWithoutACause Established Member

RebelWithoutACause

Posted
Posted
she got back to me saying she could no longer do Wednesday due to work commitments, however she then said she was free to meet up on Friday instead. I agreed to this and she confirmed.

So it seems like she must be at least somewhat interesting in continuing dating. Perhaps she was just too busy to reply to texts, or just not that good at replying to texts / calls in general.

 

she got back to me saying she could no longer do Wednesday due to the fact that someone she's more interested in asked her out then, however she then said she was free to meet up on Friday instead because her other more exciting Friday plans just fell thru. I agreed to this and she confirmed.

So it seems like she must be at least somewhat interested in continuing to keeping me on the back burner in case her first, second and third options are not available.

 

^Translated.

fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

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Yeah dude she seems full of s**t IMO. I mean if she had work commitments she would have known that before she brought Wednesday up.

 

Right now you seem way too needy w-the over pursuing, and too available like you're jumping at her beck and call. My advice? Shoot her a text tomorrow cancelling Friday to give her a taste of her own medicine. Say that you forgot about other plans you'd already made and need to reschedule. Then ask when she's free next week. If she gets back to you w-a few options, make definite plans. After that, let her do all the initiating up until the date.

usernametaken Established Member

usernametaken

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Posted
Thanks all for the advice. I do agree attempting to call her after texting her was not the best course of action. I am not the most patient of individuals and I don't like waiting in general so I am prone to doing this sort of thing.

 

That said this lunchtime she got back to me saying she could no longer do Wednesday due to work commitments, however she then said she was free to meet up on Friday instead. I agreed to this and she confirmed. So it seems like she must be at least somewhat interesting in continuing dating. Perhaps she was just too busy to reply to texts, or just not that good at replying to texts / calls in general.

 

She's better-dealing you. Unless she's a doctor or in some profession where she's regularly out of pocket, or swims frequently and attends lots of movies and church services, she should be responding sooner. My guess is she's trying to line up better dates, but that she doesn't want to cut her losses with you. I.E. there's someone she would RATHER go on a second date with...

 

Cut bait.

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Philosopher Established Member

Philosopher

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Posted (edited)
My advice? Shoot her a text tomorrow cancelling Friday to give her a taste of her own medicine. Say that you forgot about other plans you'd already made and need to reschedule. Then ask when she's free next week. If she gets back to you w-a few options, make definite plans. After that, let her do all the initiating up until the date.

 

Doing this effectively amounts to playing games with her. While I can see how it could work, isn't the risk with this sort of behaviour is that she could see right through it and decide to end the dating completely. Plus doing this sort of thing does seem a little bit wrong IMO.

 

If the date on Friday goes ahead, then great. If she decides to cancel or postpone it again, then I agree with others that the best course of action would be to cut my losses and move into someone else.

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fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted
Doing this effectively amounts to playing games with her. While I can see how it could work, isn't the risk with this sort of behaviour is that she could see right through it and decide to end the dating completely. Plus doing this sort of thing does seem a little bit wrong IMO.

 

If the date on Friday goes ahead, then great. If she decides to cancel or postpone it again, then I agree with others that the best course of action would be to cut my losses and move into someone else.

 

So you're fine w-her doing it to you, but don't want to do it to her? If she truly had work commitments, she would have known about that before she mentioned Wednesday in the first place.

 

In my opinion, you're actually doing more harm than good not using your common sense and allowing her to jerk you around. By cancelling on her like she did to you, it shows her that you're not willing to accept being a back up option.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
In my opinion, you're actually doing more harm than good not using your common sense and allowing her to jerk you around. By cancelling on her like she did to you, it shows her that you're not willing to accept being a back up option.

 

^ Or like he said, it shows her that he plays games.

 

When ppl treat you disrespectfully, it's no reason to sacrifice your own dignity. Always take the high road and just let the chips fall where they may.

 

Philosopher, I think your plan's solid. Just don't hesitate to walk away for good if the second thing happens.

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introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
So you're fine w-her doing it to you, but don't want to do it to her? If she truly had work commitments, she would have known about that before she mentioned Wednesday in the first place. .

 

Not necessarily.

 

My job is very demanding and my schedule can change on a moment's notice. When I have to reschedule, I apologise and immediately offer another time.

  • 2 weeks later...
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Philosopher Established Member

Philosopher

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Some further going ons with this girl. We met up last weekend and she stayed overnight at my place and we again met up during the middle of last week. Over the last week she has responded to texts a lot quicker and returned my calls. So all in all it seems to be going well :). Therefore we set up another date for this Sunday.

 

This morning however she texted me saying she had forgotten she had a friend's wedding party this weekend in a city about 150 miles away and she will return tomorrow afternoon, however she had forgotten her train details, so she was not sure exactly when she would return and would keep me updated about Sunday. She explained she had got mixed up which possibly indicated she may have got mixed up the dates of this wedding party. I texted her back saying that was fine and we could meet when she got back.

 

She did not explain what this wedding party is, whether it was an actual wedding or whether it was just a party separate from the wedding to celebrate the wedding. However when I received this text I assumed it was an actual wedding and thought whom seriously could forget that a friend's wedding was occurring that weekend. After all it is not your average social occasion and so I would have not thought you would have forgotten or got mixed up about it.

 

Is her story about getting mixed up about the date or forgetting about this wedding party genuine, or is there likely to be something else going on here?

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
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Is her story about getting mixed up about the date or forgetting about this wedding party genuine, or is there likely to be something else going on here?

 

A couple of things make me think she is genuine. I would definitely forget a wedding party or even a wedding lol unless it's one of my siblings getting married.

 

Also people that lies often will give lots and lots of details as to why they can't make it. Her keeping it simple with no details would indicate it's true.

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introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

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I'm inclined to think it's some sort of pre-wedding party but, regardless, it was likely set up ages ago so I think it's credible that she could have forgotten. I know I would try to!

 

Philosopher, I see this girl as being interested. Yes, she's had to cancel on you a couple of times but she always suggests an alternate, which says "interest" to me. Maybe spend less time analysing and more time enjoying your time with her. :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Philosopher Established Member

Philosopher

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We did met up in the evening of that Sunday in the end and it went reasonably well, she again stayed overnight at my place. After that however she seemed to lose interest. When I suggested meeting up first last week and then early this week she said she was busy and did not offer an alternative of when she would be free. In addition she stopped returning my calls and would only text back apologizing and saying that she was busy.

 

With this giving me the impression that she was no longer interested and me getting the feeling that there was no real long term potential between us, I decided to end it myself and told her I did not think it would last long term. After this she texted back and asked why, I told her I thought there was not really much of a romantic spark, in which she agreed.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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Onto the next one. :)

Mjm1014 Established Member

Mjm1014

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Only one true answer here, yes she's trying to fade. You need to cut all contact immediately until she reaches out to you-then respond accordingly but don't go over the top. You may still have a slight chance, but I wouldn't bet my life on it, I'll put it that way....sorry man.

 

It's not a test.

It's not her playing Hard to get.

She isn't too busy.

 

^^there is no excuse if she really likes you. She would be craving attention.

 

Keep calm, let her come to you, and maybe it will work. Good luck.

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