chickenlegs Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 While I know why this site exists, and that the people who frequent it are in such great pain, it is good to remind everyone that for some, there are no applicable and realistic cliches that may soothe them. For a very small per centage, the loss they deal with now is in fact the loss that their own sense of drama makes it seem to be. When people say that everything happens for a reason, i think that the natural reaction should be laughter. Everyone has a sense of causality; things happen because previous things have happened. The greater and more destructive delusion, though, is that there is a purpose to their pain. The simple reality is that "things turn out for the best" because the alternative to this is literally suicide. I defy anyone to stand over the grave of a young woman or man who took their own life and speak earnestly any of these cliches. In a different post on this site, someone mentioned that no one is oging to save you but you. This is half truth. The other half is easily abridged into simply no one is going to save you. People have got to get into their minds that there are, whatever you may try, a few examples in which the person lost was every bit as essential as the mourner thought. No higher power was trying to teach them anything. Whatever didnt kill them only made them more susceptible to whatever potential fatality awaited. Sometimes things turn out for the best only becasue things just simply turn out. I know a few older people who have been devastated by lovers leaving, and they went on to find someone else, have children, spend 40-50 years married and watch their new lovers pass on or be observed passing on themselves by the lovers they found after a long ago heartbreak. I cannot think of any of these good hearted,aging people that were able to make peace with what happenedto them so long ago. While they love their husbands/wives, it is a very contented, sad, hands thrwon up into the air kind of love. So much of what I've read here is utter sentimentalism; everyone is a dramatic in the whirlwind of rejection. Lets keep our fuggin eyes on the game and acknowledge that sometimes, things are in fact jsut as bad as they seem, and the gamble of this concession is hoping for the rest of our lives that we are not the suckers sitting at the table.
Devildog Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Originally posted by chickenlegs While I know why this site exists, and that the people who frequent it are in such great pain, it is good to remind everyone that for some, there are no applicable and realistic cliches that may soothe them. For a very small per centage, the loss they deal with now is in fact the loss that their own sense of drama makes it seem to be. When people say that everything happens for a reason, i think that the natural reaction should be laughter. Everyone has a sense of causality; things happen because previous things have happened. I agree with you up to this point. The greater and more destructive delusion, though, is that there is a purpose to their pain. The simple reality is that "things turn out for the best" because the alternative to this is literally suicide. I defy anyone to stand over the grave of a young woman or man who took their own life and speak earnestly any of these cliches. In a different post on this site, someone mentioned that no one is oging to save you but you. This is half truth. The other half is easily abridged into simply no one is going to save you. This I disagree with People have got to get into their minds that there are, whatever you may try, a few examples in which the person lost was every bit as essential as the mourner thought. No higher power was trying to teach them anything. Whatever didnt kill them only made them more susceptible to whatever potential fatality awaited. Agree here again Sometimes things turn out for the best only becasue things just simply turn out. I know a few older people who have been devastated by lovers leaving, and they went on to find someone else, have children, spend 40-50 years married and watch their new lovers pass on or be observed passing on themselves by the lovers they found after a long ago heartbreak. I cannot think of any of these good hearted,aging people that were able to make peace with what happenedto them so long ago. While they love their husbands/wives, it is a very contented, sad, hands thrwon up into the air kind of love. So much of what I've read here is utter sentimentalism; everyone is a dramatic in the whirlwind of rejection. Lets keep our fuggin eyes on the game and acknowledge that sometimes, things are in fact jsut as bad as they seem, and the gamble of this concession is hoping for the rest of our lives that we are not the suckers sitting at the table. The rest, no, I disagree with it. Sounds like you have some serious problems in your life right now. I don't know what they are, but I hope it isn't anything so serious that you are considering suicide like you mentioned. If the thought has crossed your mind, please get some counselling. Maybe you will feel better if you realize just how bad someone else has had it. Take me for example. So far I have had a brother who comitted suicide. My brother-in-law died in a car crash Thanksgiving morning 5 years ago at the age of 22. My newborn baby daughter died after 11 days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit a little over a year ago. We still have no answers to what happened. 4 months after that my now XW started spending alot of time with another guy who had made a pass at her several years back. She started having him over to our house while I was at work. Suddenly she wasn't happy with our marriage. She started blaming me for our daughter's death, decided she wanted to separate, then decided she wanted to divorce and took my other daughter out of my daily life. I spent almost a year in a state of depression before going to counselling. I still have a pile of bills that my XW ran up and stuck me with since they are in my name. And oh yeah, I am at the ripe old age of 30. I was raised Catholic, went to 12 years of Catholic school, and at this point in my life I can not believe in the Catholic concept of God, because if I did I would have to assume he hates me and takes some pleasure in seeing how much suffering I can endure. But I have continued to get up day after day and rebuild myself and my life. I'm still devestated over the loss of my daughter, and I miss having my other daughter on a daily basis, but in most other cases, my life is better than it has been in a long time, and getting better every day. Will there still be things that knock me down from time to time? I am sure there will be. Will I continue to get back up? You better believe it. Because there really isn't anything worse for me to face.
moon Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Lets keep our fuggin eyes on the game and acknowledge that sometimes, things are in fact jsut as bad as they seem. I agree with that. Sometimes things are just as bad as they seem and that's why it hurts so much. I think the most important thing to understand is that life is a mystery. We don't know......as long as we stay in the game (stay alive) then who knows what's around the next corner. I think sometimes bad break ups do help us too. We mourn and feel sad for a really long time. We realize what caused the problems. We realize what attracted us to the other person. We figure out what brought us to where we are. We realized maybe that that other person hurt us very bad and we don't want to put up with that treatment anymore. It's a lesson. If you're lucky the lesson will get learned and you won't repeat it again and again. Sometimes you even need to go through a few break ups to realize when you should stop yourself from feeling bad. First love break ups are the worst. You feel like nothing will ever be good again, but of course it is. So at some point you do need to stop yourself and get over it. Let's face it, love is a mystery too. Break ups are part of the darkside of life. There's no getting around that. Luckily for most people they only happen four or five times in life (depending on how many relationships you have) and slowly you figure out what it is in fact that you want in a relationship. I don't know anybody who hasn't had a tough break up at some time of their lives. It's tough picking out who you want to share your life with forever. I think it's tough for many people. I remember talking to one boyfriend once trying to decide if people get married because it's the right time or the right person. It has to be a combination of both. So you can't beat yourself up too much. You really have nothing to do with the timing. Becoming the right person....that takes an act of God or a lot of intervention.
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