greatsauce1 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I’m a 24 year old young man, I’ve always been very shy around girls and I’m not exactly what one would call a replica of Brad Pit either. I was raised by my mother alone (she got me when she was eighteen, so definitely she was very young at the time) with the assistance of my grandmother. My father has been absent throughout my upbringing due to drug abuse, while my mother and grandmother could only teach me how to be a “nice boy”, but to my misfortune they could not pass on to me certain ‘manly’ qualities – hence, I’ve always struggled to communicate with girls in a way that most girls found attractive. However, once I turned 19 I decided for myself that enough was enough, and I made it my goal to become as successful as possible when it came to communicating and attracting girls, with the sidenote of learning how to be a man, and not just a “nice boy” – it almost became an obsession for me. I would continually read books on the topic, and spent a fair amount of money on online products which claimed to bring infinite success with women.. After a while I mustered up the courage to actually go out and talk to women, in all shapes and sizes, I didn’t give a fck if they didn’t like me, I just wanted to get some experience. I got shut down a lot to begin with, but after a while I could see my work starting to pay off and started getting good reactions from girls. I felt like an unstoppable force and like I could get any girl in the whole world (somewhat delusional I guess, but it was a mindset that worked). So, I met this one girl and everything just clicked. She was a little younger than me, but she loved me to death and bit by bit I started loving her too. She was a virgin when we met, but it didn’t take too long and after that it was game over, she was mine. We have been together now for 3 years – with some ‘hiccups’ along the way, such as me breaking up with her and then getting back together. Sex has always been amazing, but after two years together she started on a new brand of birth control pills. Since then we almost never have sex anymore because ‘she is not in the mood’ even tho I’ve tried so many different approaches. Since she got on these pills she has also packed on quite a few pounds, and I can tell she is not comfortable with her own body even tho I’m always encouraging her telling her how beautiful she is. It’s gotten so bad that even when we bath together she keeps her t-shirt on. I’ve tried getting her to exercise from the standpoint of “getting more energy, being happier, having a more awesome lifestyle” but she says she’s not interested. I’m an active guy and I like to bring girls out and have a fun time but she doesn’t want to go on dates anymore either since then because she says she feels exhausted from work all the time. All she wants to do is to sit on the couch and watch The Vampire Diaries and while it’s quite the good show actually I get bored of it so quickly.. God, I love her so much… And I’m a faithful guy, heck, I even gave up on watching porn and masturbating (it’s more a commitment to myself with the porn tho) but damn, these girls I see out on the streets now are looking better and better these days. I never talk to other girls anymore either due to the relationship, and have kind of returned to my previous self as the more or less anxious “nice guy” mommy always thought me to be. I feel so alone. I love her so much and I can’t stand stand thinking about hurting her, but these temptations are just killing me lately and I really don’t know what to do… I've been out of the game so long too I feel like I've completly lost my 'mojo' Hope someone out there has some advice for a lost soul, and thank you for reading this long post if you made it this far – I tend to get carried away sometimes..
Popsicle Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Gosh, you're so young. Too young to be going through/experiencing this (the bad stuff). I say get out of this. Save that crap for later in life. Go out and have fun. 1
Tread Carefully Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 If she talks to her doctor about the changes she's had since starting the bc, they can work together to find a different one with less side effects. Don't give up yet. Especially when there is something that could be quite easily fixed. 2
tumblingdice Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 My guess is those pills are causing a mild but persistent state of depression. That is a side effect some of them have. Trust me, I've been there. After a while you don't even realize you're depressed. I would definitely discuss the possibility of her changing up that medication. Don't give up on the relationship just yet. But you need to talk to her. Tell her how her changes in behavior are effecting you emotionally and physically and that your needs aren't being met. 3
Qboro90 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Talk to her about the birth control. Sounds like you two communicate pretty well and even if you don't, after 3 years it should be ok for you to ask her what her thoughts are on your sex life. You can even make it sound like it's more about you and you're concerned she's not attracted to you anymore. Tell her what you told us about how you don't have sex like you did and that's started to make you feel like she's not as attracted to you. This will most likely get her to tell you that she's not happy with her body/weight gain and hasn't been feeling the same lately. This is when you can suggest changing the birth control she's on. If she's the kind of girl who can only take 1 type because the others effect her body poorly or insurance doesn't cover them then you can either 1. Offer to chip in or pay for the old kind she used Or 2. Say that you would be willing to use condoms so that she could stop taking BC. Say that her health and well being are more important to you than unprotected sex. Also you have to be prepared for the possibility that her libido and weight gain aren't just due to the birth control she's taking. There is the chance that's something else is going on. Without knowing any more details other than what you listed it's very possible she is depressed about something else and possibly her feelings for you have changed as well. Keep that in mind just so you're not blown away if she tells you she hasn't been happy for some reason. I also think that at 24 years old and with her being the only relationship you've been in that it might be time for you to take a mature break from one another. Tell her that you want the person you marry to have the same spark of attraction and love after 10 years that you had during the first year of dating. Ask her if she's felt that same spark or if you're both in a type of rut lately. Sounds like you love her and care for her a great deal but also want to allow yourself the fair chance to explore what other girls can offer as well. She's probably never dated anyone else seriously if she's younger than you so it can be hugely beneficial for a young couple to see what dating others is like. It will do 2 things. Either show you that what you two have is unlike anything else out there and you'll appreciate one another more OR it will confirm that while you were one another's "first love" and you'll always care for her, that there are girls out there that challenge you more and attract you more as you've grown up and developed into adulthood. Ask yourself now if you would have dated or even considered dating some of the girls you went out with when you were 19/20. I know personally that I look back on the girls I was with as a teenager and early college and they're not at all what I would go after nowadays. People evolve. It's time you allowed yourself to do that. She's also probably become complacent, and thinks you'll be with her forever. That doesn't mean she can let herself go physically and stop trying to challenge and attract you. If she has then that's a red flag for your long term future. 1
Author greatsauce1 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 (edited) Talk to her about the birth control. Sounds like you two communicate pretty well and even if you don't, after 3 years it should be ok for you to ask her what her thoughts are on your sex life. You can even make it sound like it's more about you and you're concerned she's not attracted to you anymore. Tell her what you told us about how you don't have sex like you did and that's started to make you feel like she's not as attracted to you. This will most likely get her to tell you that she's not happy with her body/weight gain and hasn't been feeling the same lately. This is when you can suggest changing the birth control she's on. If she's the kind of girl who can only take 1 type because the others effect her body poorly or insurance doesn't cover them then you can either 1. Offer to chip in or pay for the old kind she used Or 2. Say that you would be willing to use condoms so that she could stop taking BC. Say that her health and well being are more important to you than unprotected sex. Also you have to be prepared for the possibility that her libido and weight gain aren't just due to the birth control she's taking. There is the chance that's something else is going on. Without knowing any more details other than what you listed it's very possible she is depressed about something else and possibly her feelings for you have changed as well. Keep that in mind just so you're not blown away if she tells you she hasn't been happy for some reason. I also think that at 24 years old and with her being the only relationship you've been in that it might be time for you to take a mature break from one another. Tell her that you want the person you marry to have the same spark of attraction and love after 10 years that you had during the first year of dating. Ask her if she's felt that same spark or if you're both in a type of rut lately. Sounds like you love her and care for her a great deal but also want to allow yourself the fair chance to explore what other girls can offer as well. She's probably never dated anyone else seriously if she's younger than you so it can be hugely beneficial for a young couple to see what dating others is like. It will do 2 things. Either show you that what you two have is unlike anything else out there and you'll appreciate one another more OR it will confirm that while you were one another's "first love" and you'll always care for her, that there are girls out there that challenge you more and attract you more as you've grown up and developed into adulthood. Ask yourself now if you would have dated or even considered dating some of the girls you went out with when you were 19/20. I know personally that I look back on the girls I was with as a teenager and early college and they're not at all what I would go after nowadays. People evolve. It's time you allowed yourself to do that. She's also probably become complacent, and thinks you'll be with her forever. That doesn't mean she can let herself go physically and stop trying to challenge and attract you. If she has then that's a red flag for your long term future. This is the most amazing thing I've read for quite some time now, thank you so much! Your post helped me to go about this in a very mature way and I communicate better with her and now we are actually talking about it and we seem to be making progress. I've also considered what you said about being young and that it might be a good idea to spend some time apart, I'll just have to see how things go for now I guess. Really appreciate your help, thanks a bunch Edited August 4, 2015 by greatsauce1 1
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