Jane34 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Hi, I am new to this site so please bear with me. I am trying to understand if the new guy at work (we almost joined job at the same time) likes me or he doesn't. When I was trying to get to know everyone he caught my attention because he would try to avoid me. I am friendly warm person and it is important to me that people feel comfortable around me so at first I was puzzled why I got such reaction? He could be 2-3 years younger than me (I would say late in his late 20s maybe?). What I noticed that he would get very nervous around me-if both of us sit in the meeting he would constantly run his hand through his hair and touch his nose, lips even back of his neck. If I talk to him he would cross and lock his arms in defensive fashion or start touching his belt and even pull trousers on his thigh side. He would not talk much to me (initiate on his own) but he looks pretty relaxed talking to other girls of my age. I caught him looking at me when I passed his seat few times. Because I felt bad that he avoided me like that I tried to make effort and show him that I am down to earth person who he shouldn't be intimidated by/dislike. I tried having small talk with him. He is new to the town and actually even state (he relocated). He mentioned to me he hiked few times around the area and I said that I am avid hiker so if he ever needs company I was a game as I love hiking (I was hoping it was an ice-breaker but he never picked up on this "offer"). My friends say that he likes me but I am not sure. Here is an example that led me to believe he actually doesn't like me. We had a happy hour and so he was talking to some other guy (in our age group) and I was trying to stay with women. My bag was behind where he and the other guy were staying. I went to check on my phone and so it didn't feel awkward I then started small talk with both of them. When I approached the guy of my focus here locked his arms again and became red. I figured he was stressing out and then shifted my talking to another guy. While I was doing this "my guy" pulled out phone from his pocket and started checking it (shows he was disinterested) and then after like 5 min talking to us he said, "OK I need to leave, have a nice evening." And so he left like that abruptly! To be honest I was hurt a bit. I somehow attributed his leaving to me approaching them. I also feel if he was interested he wouldn't leave but rather talk to me? Another thought of mine is that maybe he has a gf? I don't dare to ask this as we are not on that comfort level with one another. He never mentioned he has a gf in the group setting though (you know how other ppl say "me and my husband love this" or something like that). Maybe he has long distance relationship or something since he recently moved from other state...One more thing- lately he started paying attention to how he looks and dresses. He did a haircut and now is dressing up very nicely. I do feel pretty pathetic as my curiosity now is turning into feelings for this guy. Till this day I feel he only has such attitude towards me, and I am not sure why. What I do now is that I try to avoid him by any means possible. I don't do small talk I pretend I am super focused and don't even see him passing me by when he passes my seat). I don't go to HH anymore too so I don't have to even accidentally talk to him. I eat lunch at my desk. I try to nip my feelings in the bud before it becomes too late- it is hard though...If anyone of you had something similar or have any thoughts on this guy's behavior please let me know. It has been 5 months since we work together and I hope to get free from this as I really like my job. I also don't want ppl to notice there is some animosity between us not sure how to fix this. Clearly he is not open to talking to me and I feel I tried...Thank you.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Just go about your life like normal. You certainly don't need to avoid happy hour because of this. I think you're making it more awkward than necessary, to be honest. His leaving the previous happy hour may have zero to do with you. You mentioned he was on his phone just prior to his departure - perhaps he got a message from someone and he needed to meet them. It could've been anything. To answer your question, it doesn't sound to me like he's interested. If he were, I think he would've initiated some type of contact with you over these past few months. I would just keep doing what you're doing and not making any extra effort to talk to him. You tried. You opened a couple doors. He didn't take the bait. Not much more you can do.
tumblingdice Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 He could either dislike you, or he might like you so much that he's intimidated or nervous and limits his time around you. Guys usually won't do that if they are interested but some certainly will, especially the younger ones. I would just relax and give it more time. If it turns out he really does like you, he'll come around. Make your interactions friendly yet professional when you see him organically, but don't go out of your way to interact with him or to avoid him either. I wonder though, it doesn't sound like you know him that well and you don't really talk, so what is it about him you like so much that's giving you these feelings? I will also say this--it's tricky being interested in a co-worker. I have become friends with coworkers who later expressed romantic interest in me and I became really uncomfortable. Like to the point I would avoid them when possible. I would just be cautious. You don't want to make someone uncomfortable like that. I hope at the very least you can have a more positive working relationship!
Author Jane34 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Thank you, for your responses. Tumblingdice honestly, these feelings caught me by surprise. The guy is not even my type- I like tall muscular guys this one is tall but thin:) There is something about how he talks and his facial expressions that I like, he has beautiful eyes/cute face. I gravitate towards intellectual people and he is surely very well educated and smart that I also like. I will take your advice and try to make effort in making relationship "organically professional". My problem is that I don't have poker face...I guess I was puzzled because in my mind if you don't like someone then why stress so much and have this body language that is somewhat suggestive of actually liking someone (like preening, belt touching he does this a lot around me). Another part of me says that I honestly didn't do anything to deserves this behavior from him and he did this initially even when I didn't really care for him at all (like he won't have a feeling that someone likes him, you know)....
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