ECE Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Good Morning or Evening everyone , I was currently in two and a half years relationship with the most beautiful girl. She told me in the past that she has never been in a relationship lasting more that 2months. She had guys on tap to do things for her.The first 6 months were great but she had these attitudes and mood swings out of no to where my family noticed. So I actually broke up with her on the 7 month because i couldnt take that anymore and it is not like i didn't ask whats wrong on try to make it better with a movie night,or take her out to her favorite place she just wouldnt open up or talk to me. During this time I was talking to another female and month later I saw that she was talking to another guy as well when we both saw each other at a hookah bar one night and I just lost it ,I was so sad it ruined the mood for the people I was hanging out with. We made no contact for the 5 months and out of the blue she contacted me by email ,seeing how i was and wanted to see if we could get a group to go to the movies, I was fine with that and so we did. All in short 2 days later we got back together and she told me and promised that she changed and she would talk to me and tell me what was going on with her. Not surprised it happened rarely and she still had these little attitudes or spurts of sadness out of no where and then i knew something was wrong. A year and a half has past and I thought we were doing great , I am a hard working individual who is working alot but always tried to find time to be with my ex or see my ex but during that month something tragic happened and I lost my father this year. That is when things spiraled out of control,she was my rock and she was there for me and i respect her and love her for that but during that time I had found out one person I knew for a long time and I trusted betrayed me and the family during my fathers death with money. During this time i couldnt trust no one I was out of it and I did have my doubts since she would be distant with me so I checked out her facebook messages and I found she was actually talking to 'Guy friends" the year before during the summer which I am okai with her having guy friends but what made it worse is the fact she actually tried to delete them and they really werent deleted but tossed in a archive box thats what made me uneasy as to why you have to delete them if it was nothing or not important? Her response was " She was erasing a part of her life since she found out guys have the wrong intentions and she sees now she cant be friends with guys" . Thats when the arguing began due to the fact I couldn't trust her and I had to look on her facebook without asking her and we talked about it and I understood it was wrong of me to do this and we came to a understanding if I wanted to then just tell each other the issue or concern we are having and ask the other partner what they can do or a solution to make them feel secure. During this time we both are transferring colleges as juniors that are right now the road from one another but during this summer I decided to take some summer classes to get a head start on my electrical engineering undergraduate degree and also got and a paid internship researching nanotechnology on campus as well. During the summer and during the hard times we were having I wanted to talk and be a little bit more mature about solving things and fixing things but she didnt want to talk she just stuffed things inside her until she explodes. Even during my busy schedule i found time to be with her and plan things for us to do. but during the days i am in class and at work she feels as if i am ignoring her or dont care about her ,when every morning i send a good morning text and converse with her for hours and I tell her hey I have this and this planned today and then im going to study for my exam or something(During my study sessions I skype with her) before my class or before i go to work and even then i try to sneak a few texts here and there. I soon found out she was taking medication for anexity and other pills as well to help her think positive and to get her mind positive again because she was stressing over school,money and other reasons as well. I helped her through all of those times was her personal tutor for math since the whole time we were together,help her have a postive view about getting transferred into a great college in all try to be optimistic so she can see the good in everything but it was hard sometimes to show her like i use to under the circumstances i was going through. Moving on to the second obstacle , during the internships they paid for my housing and i ended up to whom i thought was a pretty cool guy he was a player and had many girls in his room at night which was cool i mean what ever he wants to do. The first day we laughed because he locked himself out of the apartment and he had to go downstairs to the front desk to get a key.until one day i had my girlfriend over so we could make dinner together and I had to step to get some ingredients for the dinner me and my girlfriend were going to make together and they decided to stay back and watch tv. During this time i didn't know but later found out that he asked her for her number or to add her on facebook "Just in case he locks himself out of the apartment or his room he can contact her to get in". She said she didnt feel comfortable doing that so he said okay that is fine. Two weeks later she is telling me that hes adding her on facebook and im like didnt you tell him you didnt feel comfortable doing that? To me i felt it was going against what she said and I told my girlfriend that but she felt like it wasnt a big deal. Looking back and after talking it wasnt a big deal i guess. During that time I addressed the concern i was having and asked her a solution like we talked about just to message him or tell him the same thing you told him again please. She felt like it was nothing and it wasnt a big deal but all I was doing was following what she talked about. When girls add me on facebook or try to talk to me she wants me to reject them or message them "Hey i have a girlfriend" but she couldn't reciprocate it back it was "irrelevant" to message him shell do it whenever she gets a chance told me. So thats what got us in even worse terms and I got on her page and told him exactly " Hey,I like i told you before don't feel comfortable, I know my boyfriend would do the same for me" and she was livid that i did that. So me her and my roommate talked about it and it was a miss understanding he forgot after 3 weeks what she said and decided to find her on facebook and add her when he didnt even know her last name. So after this he was pretty upset at the fact I didnt trust him and i had to message him as her this soured the atmosphere of the apartment the whole summer. A month later we both were doing great had fun went out ..OH i forgot to mention during the beginning of the summer she broke up with me out of know where and got back with me like 2 times when we went on a nice date to a fancy restaurant. Still feeling emotional upset about my father i tried talking to her about it and she seem like she didnt care she told me Bad things happen its life you shouldn't let that effect the people around you. Every week since then she wanted to break up and then we talked about solutions and got back together. Soon after she told me maybe im acting like this because i need like a week to myself just to be me she she initiated a no contact like her do her own thing for a week and i was up for it since i figured we were doing great she told me.After 2 days she contacted me saying she missed me and I replied saying no you need your fool week so you can think and de stress from things its healthy for you but she insisted she wanted to be with me and loved me so much so we saw each other that night. During this summer i also noticed she was distant in the beginning and last year she always wanted to cuddle with her clothes off or in her underwear but during the beginning of this year she started sleeping with her clothes on and i mean jean shorts an a t-shirt and not to mention she didnt really want to make love ,I was the one you initiated it the few times and she just went along with it and her excuse was its these anxiety pills and i researched yes it can lower your libido but not to a point to where we didnt do it for over a month. Shes a hard worker she is at work and we mostly see each other once she gets off and some days she goes out with her friends to the movies or out to drink. Just last week she wanted to see me so i was like lets have some breakfast and we went out to eat that morning and she enjoyed it and she hugged ,held my hand kissed me said she loved me. 2 days later on the last day of summer class before my final we just had gotten off skype from a video chat full of laughter and two minutes later she texts me we need to talk and didnt want to be on the phone or skype again she just wanted to text to tell me she need space need to find herself and her happiness but wants me to be in her life still im a great guy and i did nothing wrong you were doing great, she told me she feels it "to much of me" , "always me around", when just last month i was ignoring her and didnt spend to much time with her. I know she was trying to put me down easy but i know the real reason is she is trying to soak her wild oats, im asking her hey is it another person and she keeps telling me no its not now stop asking me i dont want to talk about it youre stressing me out.Im tell her its fine if its another person i just know you told me you dont want to see me with another girl and vise versa she ignored the text when i sent her that and when i told her in person the same thing she really didnt reply she just shrugged and said yea okai can we stop talking about it you said it so many times and I sitting her telling her well im not getting a reply this was the day after when she wanted to have lunch. So i stopped talking about and let her relax ,soon after lunch she felt sick so i took her to my place to let her use the restroom and comforted her to see if she need anything to make her feel better and she said she was okai thank you. As i dropped her of at her car I gave her a big hug and told her "I want you to find yourself and your happiness be positive and youll do great things" after saying this she told me keep the photos of us on facebook dont delete them i just need time to think and she hasnt deleted any photos or changed her relationship status on facebook even though she in barely active on there but she told the other night we are officially single no break, single. I jumped up and down "im so confused so many mixed signals" is a bubbly manner and let her go about her day. Right after I texted her and we said.. ME: Enjoy yourself, be safe .I enjoyed today even under these circumstances.i feel better now, let you do you find happiness enjoy the rest of your summer. HER:Are we gonna talk and go to the concert ME:As bad as I want to talk to you and how much I'll miss you my answer is No, I will be trying to make you laugh, Skype, all the things I did when I was with you there will be really no space to think for yourself.when the time comes and you feel like you have found your happiness then let me know whether that's before a concert or whenever take your time and i will make sure on my end what you are asking for is given but for now I'm going to give you the space that you asked for , the time to explore , see things , and experience things for yourself ,the time to think about what you want ,to get yourself away from me so you just do it just to make me happy , I dorm want that I want you happy as well .And if you come to a point you can be happy and want to come back to me then we will go from there . love you ME:Be safe and cautious ME:I promise I will help you move though and go to your orientation bc I want to, not bc you asked Alright do you HER:..... No Reply So after analyzing things and doing some research and reading advice on this site I have been listening and have been following through with NC. My question is for how long a month? and If she does text me or ask if I am still helping her move should I,Should i respond with "I will see what my plans are for that day" or dont respond at all ? She told me when we were together she was going to help me move into my new place two days after her move in date should she? Im getting all types of advice to ignore her completely for a whole month and see if she initiates a conversation but if she does just ignore it or just be brief every 3 text she sends me. After that NC month should i make contact or just leave it alone until she does. I think shes still interested since shes snopping on my social media pages and checking out my snapchat stories from when i went out to a bar last night to watch UFC109. When she hasn't been home or on her PS4 this whole weekend when she usually is especially around 2-3am but like i said shes soaking her wild oats and I want her to experience and explore rather than regret i want her to grow and be happy.
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 The wall of text was fairly impenetrable, so I'm sure I missed some details. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your dad. As for your EX GF, NC is forever, not a month. She is your EX. There is no reason to help her move. If she is under a doctor's care & taking medication for anxiety, that physician will help her. It's beyond your skill set as her college aged BF (now EX) Since you already broke up once, this relationship was never a great as you think it was. While having your roommate from your internship add your GF on FB isn't a huge thing, her telling him no then friending him anyway raises questions about her ability to be clear. I'm not saying she cheated or wanted to but she does need to be consistent. Any friends she may have talked to on FB again should be OK if the conversations weren't sexual. Since you felt compelled to check, you two had no trust. Without trust you had no foundation for a relationship. I think you are about to start your senior year of college. Do so with a clear conscience. Enjoy & concentrate on getting a job. Let her go.
Author ECE Posted August 3, 2015 Author Posted August 3, 2015 After getting some sleep today, I noticed she texted me saying "Are you okay? One of your family members just called me but i didnt pick up" I didnt reply I am sticking to the no contact rule If she didnt care and didnt want to stress about things why they hell is she texting me worried about if I am okay?
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 After getting some sleep today, I noticed she texted me saying "Are you okay? One of your family members just called me but i didnt pick up" I didnt reply I am sticking to the no contact rule If she didnt care and didnt want to stress about things why they hell is she texting me worried about if I am okay? Because she just dumped you! She hurt you and she knows she did it. Now she gets a phonecall out of the blue that she didn't answer and now she probably thinks you did something stupid. It's all guilt driven. Just ignore her and follow your own advice. Go out and find YOUR happiness.
Author ECE Posted August 3, 2015 Author Posted August 3, 2015 I was stupid to Text her This.... "I promise I will help you move though and go to your orientation bc I want to, not bc you asked Alright do you " I promised to help her move which is in two weeks Im in the NC phase and I plan to stick to it,but if she contacts me asking if I still am do i just ignore her text or reply with a subtle text like "I know I promised but I need sometime to think" Or "Sorry I will be busy this coming weekend" ...I dont know what to say and also the orientation she has to go to i promised her that as well. i don't know, please help need some ideas , but for this case should I break the NC ? Just respond with short text and dont reply after until the NC period is up
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 The NC period is never up. It's forever. Text her back: I thought about it. I can't help you move. I wanted to tell you sooner rather then later so you have time to find somebody else to help you. Then block her #.
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Dude, she ended it with you. She told you that your services as a boyfriend are no longer required. She made a choice to have you out of her life. You don't owe her anything. She ended it, not you.
Author ECE Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 All said and done NC contact and just reply with "Ill be busy" and ignore her forever.
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