onelove89 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Hey everyone sorry for this post but I need some advice. I have obsessive compulsive disorder and I cant stop picking at my face. It will look decent for a little bit then I will pick and have scabs and red marks all over my face for 3-5 days. Its kind of like giving my self a facial and getting all the nasty stuff out sorry if that's pretty gross. I don't think I am a bad looking guy but anyways I have been doing it since 2010. Here is the problem I have been single two years after a 4 year relationship ended and I just happened to meet this girl a little bit ago and we decided to chill. Well this girl really likes me I think but she has only seen me when I pick a little. I picked really bad Thursday night and we were supposed to chill yesterday and I bailed and I am gonna have to bail tonight unless she wants to chill at night. I have horrible low self esteem because of this to the point that I have honestly thought about ending my life because It has taken such a toll on my life. Its so hard because im a man im not supposed to be a B#$ch I am supposed to be confident but I cant shake this and this girl is like a 9 out of 10 in all honesty. not even trying to sound weird but this girl is one of the most attractive women I have ever met. I have no clue what she sees in my. I'm 5'8 145lbs and pick my acne and im 25. Idk what to do. Here is what I look like when I do this **** to my face. I cant help it. I don't think I am that bad looking but I cant seem to get past the fact that I am embarrassed about this. Who would want to date someone that does this crap to them selves it only shows insecurities and woman don't want that in a guy. Thanks for any advice Imgur Imgur Imgur Imgur
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 It's called behavioral therapy. There is therapy and drugs available that can help you with the OCD. Also get to a dermatologist to help you with your skin. You have adult acne and that cannot be treated with over the counter or drug store remedies. 1
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I've been ocd since I was 14. I'm 39 now. I constantly count numbers in my head and avoid a certain number because for some reason it's bad. When I get stressed, especially over relationships, the numbers get worse. Do you see a therapist? You need to. I just started. Are you on any meds? There are some good ocd meds. I can't take them because they make me lethargic and apathetic so I just live with the ocd. I do take anti anxiety meds which at least alleviates my anxiety. The self esteem issues suck. Sometimes my self esteem is sky high, other times (like now) it blows. Confidence is hard for people like us to attain but easy to lose. Some of these issues are chemical, some stem from childhood issues. Try to break up the cycle of negative thoughts like "why would she want to be with someone like me she's so hot". She likes you and wants to be with you. Take that as a positive sign. My last g/f was a friggen knock out, I quickly learned she had insecurities of her own. Trust me on this, if the girl you're talking about is that good looking she has insecurities. We all do. 1
Author onelove89 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 I've been ocd since I was 14. I'm 39 now. I constantly count numbers in my head and avoid a certain number because for some reason it's bad. When I get stressed, especially over relationships, the numbers get worse. Do you see a therapist? You need to. I just started. Are you on any meds? There are some good ocd meds. I can't take them because they make me lethargic and apathetic so I just live with the ocd. I do take anti anxiety meds which at least alleviates my anxiety. The self esteem issues suck. Sometimes my self esteem is sky high, other times (like now) it blows. Confidence is hard for people like us to attain but easy to lose. Some of these issues are chemical, some stem from childhood issues. Try to break up the cycle of negative thoughts like "why would she want to be with someone like me she's so hot". She likes you and wants to be with you. Take that as a positive sign. My last g/f was a friggen knock out, I quickly learned she had insecurities of her own. Trust me on this, if the girl you're talking about is that good looking she has insecurities. We all do. Thanks a lot. Yes this really sucks and no I don't take any medications anymore or see anyone because my mind tells me I'm OK and it tricks me into believing I can do this on my own but its been 5 years. I see you are older than I am can I ask what you would have done differently if you could change everything. I don't want to be like this when I am older. I also deal with chronic pain that no doctor can find.
introverted1 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 You look fine. I am not sure I would have noticed your acne had you not called it out. Go on your date and enjoy yourself. 1
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 The pain is from depression.....which is probably something you are also suffering from. So why keep suffering when there has been help available to you.....
introverted1 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Too late to edit my post, but wanted to add: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is NOT the same thing as Obsessive Compulsive Personality. The former is marked by rituals that the person believes if they are not followed, something bad will happen. This does not sound like what you have described but a therapist can help you sort it out.
Author onelove89 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Yea I have obsessive compulsive disorder and I was hospitalized when I was 19 because I followed rituals. I still do certain things. The problem with getting help is i know the medications helped but now I am afraid to take them because I have fears of gaining weight because my fanikybisbover weight. I also had an amazing life on them then when I gotnoff them my life went back to crap so in my mind mlitbis telling me to do it all naturally and it will be forever but I may never be OK like this. Yes this girl named s me so nervous because I dated a girl 4 years and she left me because my ocd. I almost killed myself many times and its taken two years to heal my heart and my mind more than it was. I am just afraid to get hurt again. I hate being alone but being alone keeps me safe from being hurt.
TheLost1 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 OP, you look fine man. Don't stress on it. As far as being alone keeping you safe from being hurt, trust me I get that one. All I can say is you need to decide when the reward is great enough to take the risk. I think you know what I mean... 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Yea I have obsessive compulsive disorder and I was hospitalized when I was 19 because I followed rituals. I still do certain things. The problem with getting help is i know the medications helped but now I am afraid to take them because I have fears of gaining weight because my fanikybisbover weight. I also had an amazing life on them then when I gotnoff them my life went back to crap so in my mind mlitbis telling me to do it all naturally and it will be forever but I may never be OK like this. Yes this girl named s me so nervous because I dated a girl 4 years and she left me because my ocd. I almost killed myself many times and its taken two years to heal my heart and my mind more than it was. I am just afraid to get hurt again. I hate being alone but being alone keeps me safe from being hurt. OP, I am sorry for your condition. A dear friend of mine does the same thing, only she picks at her arms and legs. In her case, it a symptom of much deeper depression and anxiety, though she does regularly see a therapist and it's helping. I can't stress enough the importance of seeing a professional about this. You have seen that it's simply too much to try to manage on your own. Suicidal thoughts are an indication that this is an urgent matter. Please take care of yourself and contact someone in your area who is experienced and qualified in treating OCD. 2
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Look if you have issues with medication then your doctor will prescribe you alternatives, also you can try other things like naturopathic medicine along with your therapy. If you needed heart surgery would you operate on yourself? No of course not. If you don't get professional help your disorder will keep destroying your relationships. People telling you to relax and not worry on a public forum is not your answer. 1
Author onelove89 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 It's just getting so hard in life to keep doing this. I'm so stubborn if I was diabetic I would die before I took the medications. My health insurance runs out in September because I am 26 then. I got into a car accident and hired a lawyer last year and the advised me to see a doctor who took me off work and have been off my favorite job also the only job I was able to do for over two years without pills. I have been off work since may and last week my work told me they have let me go. I tried to reason and say I would come back and they said its too late. Then this week my lawyer decided to drop the case after 9 months. No I feel as if I'm left with nothing. Me and my family don't get along. That's why I am a loner. I can't trust any woman because they all have lied to me. My ex cheated on me and I did everything for her. IThat's why I am afraid to even get involved not for the fear of getting hurt but the fear of what would happen if I got hurt. I don't know if I could go through another loss. I want to get help but now I have no insurance after this month.
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Thanks a lot. Yes this really sucks and no I don't take any medications anymore or see anyone because my mind tells me I'm OK and it tricks me into believing I can do this on my own but its been 5 years. I see you are older than I am can I ask what you would have done differently if you could change everything. I don't want to be like this when I am older. I also deal with chronic pain that no doctor can find. Depression is a byproduct of OCD. Always. I battled OCD more when I was in my teens and 20's, now I battle depression more. Depression sucks more. My advice. Seek help. I'm the exact same way thinking "I don't need help", now I'm 39 and I find it harder to deal with issues I could live with before. I ask why am I still single at 39 when I've dated a lot of different women. I've had 3 long term relationships (2 years or longer), 2 'year long' relationships, and 6 relationships that ranged in the 4-10 month range. Bunch of flings in between. So why can't I find one person I connect with? Because of my issues I gravitate towards other women with similar insecurities and issues. I used to find it hard to play the dating game, if I liked a girl I liked a girl and that was that. I'd also ask "why in the hell does she like me?". I had to find out the hard way that you have to play it cool. I dated a few girls who liked me and had great personalities with little issues and I ask myself why didn't I escalate those relationships. Still don't have that answer. I've grown to realize I've gotten by somewhat on my looks,. I'm not Brad Pitt but I'm 6 foot, 200 lbs, decent shape, brown hair, and green eyes. Girls dig my eyes. My friends used to comment that they've never seen me hit on a girl. Most interactions I've had started on the girls end. Or they threw an overwhelming amount of signals at me that I acted on it. Find a way to build up your self esteem. My way used to be the gym, once I was in great shape my confidence sky rocketed. That's not working anymore. I'm in the best shape I've been in almost a decade but my confidence is still low. I've hooked up with girls and even recently had a **** buddy but still I find it hard to be more outgoing. Right now I'm in therapy trying to undo the damage and negativity I've lived with my whole life. Start there. A good therapist can dissect your issues and start rebuilding your self esteem. I'm starting Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I got a head start by reading a book by David Burns called "feeling good" which breaks down the most common thoughts we have and how our thoughts fuel our emotions. As for this girl, it's easy for people to say "just play it cool", but they don't know the anxiety you're dealing with. So the best advice I can give you is stay positive. Any girls who interacts and wants to hang out with you is into you on some level. Try your best to be yourself, don't act too needy, don't look for her for reassurance. Trust me, she has insecurities of her own. We all do. Like I said in my previous post, my last g/f was a knockout. It didn't take long (1 month) to realize she was way more insecure than I was. Found out the hard way she has Borderline Personality Disorder but that just goes to show you looks aren't everything. 2
Author onelove89 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 OP, you look fine man. Don't stress on it. As far as being alone keeping you safe from being hurt, trust me I get that one. All I can say is you need to decide when the reward is great enough to take the risk. I think you know what I mean... Thanks a lot it means a ton to me. I understand where you are coming from and I think your right I just can't seem to get up the courage to open up to this girl because I am terried to be judged by her. She is such a beautiful girl and she opened up and she told me things about her. She told me she has an eating disorder and as soon as she told me that I fell for her. Because ei know the pain and when I look at her or talk to her it makes me feel great. My who thing is this is the first girl I have really felt into like this in a long time. I had one girl I was into recently but I got over that fast because she did judge me and it hurt like hell but I realized she was obviously not for me. But this girl actually asked me what its like to feel the way I do. She is the first person in my life that has ever asked me genuinely how I feel.
Author onelove89 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Depression is a byproduct of OCD. Always. I battled OCD more when I was in my teens and 20's, now I battle depression more. Depression sucks more. My advice. Seek help. I'm the exact same way thinking "I don't need help", now I'm 39 and I find it harder to deal with issues I could live with before. I ask why am I still single at 39 when I've dated a lot of different women. I've had 3 long term relationships (2 years or longer), 2 'year long' relationships, and 6 relationships that ranged in the 4-10 month range. Bunch of flings in between. So why can't I find one person I connect with? Because of my issues I gravitate towards other women with similar insecurities and issues. I used to find it hard to play the dating game, if I liked a girl I liked a girl and that was that. I'd also ask "why in the hell does she like me?". I had to find out the hard way that you have to play it cool. I dated a few girls who liked me and had great personalities with little issues and I ask myself why didn't I escalate those relationships. Still don't have that answer. I've grown to realize I've gotten by somewhat on my looks,. I'm not Brad Pitt but I'm 6 foot, 200 lbs, decent shape, brown hair, and green eyes. Girls dig my eyes. My friends used to comment that they've never seen me hit on a girl. Most interactions I've had started on the girls end. Or they threw an overwhelming amount of signals at me that I acted on it. Find a way to build up your self esteem. My way used to be the gym, once I was in great shape my confidence sky rocketed. That's not working anymore. I'm in the best shape I've been in almost a decade but my confidence is still low. I've hooked up with girls and even recently had a **** buddy but still I find it hard to be more outgoing. Right now I'm in therapy trying to undo the damage and negativity I've lived with my whole life. Start there. A good therapist can dissect your issues and start rebuilding your self esteem. I'm starting Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I got a head start by reading a book by David Burns called "feeling good" which breaks down the most common thoughts we have and how our thoughts fuel our emotions. As for this girl, it's easy for people to say "just play it cool", but they don't know the anxiety you're dealing with. So the best advice I can give you is stay positive. Any girls who interacts and wants to hang out with you is into you on some level. Try your best to be yourself, don't act too needy, don't look for her for reassurance. Trust me, she has insecurities of her own. We all do. Like I said in my previous post, my last g/f was a knockout. It didn't take long (1 month) to realize she was way more insecure than I was. Found out the hard way she has Borderline Personality Disorder but that just goes to show you looks aren't everything. Holly **** man thanks so much for taking the time to write all that. I am also obsessed with my looks and I have tried going to the gym but because auto immune problems I keep getting back pain neck pain tennis elbow you name it. And it makes me break out worse from lifting weights which sounds crazy but very true. Even without any supplements. And that's crazy cause everyone seems to love my eyes and my smile but when I see them I'm like wtf are these girls seeing lol. That's great that you are getting treatment and you really have helped me today in realizing maybe it's time o surrender and accept treatment and realize I can't do this on my own anymore. She is a great girl and I need to just be myself and if she likes me great if not great because one day I'm gonna get better. I hope 1
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