WhatIsLove2014 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I've been dating a new guy for about a month. We talk everyday and blah blah all that same stuff. My problem is I am very awkward when it comes to showing affection. He said he can tell that I become uncomfortable/awkward when things become intimate (ie he goes in for a kiss). I honestly feel awkward. I just don't trust my instincts anymore. The last guy I dated, I ended things (badly) because I couldn't be sure how he felt about me (I was moving too fast or he was moving too slow) Now I feel afraid to open myself back up again. I don't have a problem telling him I like him and miss him. The plot twist is he is exactly the opposite, he's a "show-er", not talker. Any tips?
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Ya give him more details about what is going on with you so he will know how to proceed.
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 He understands, the tips are more for me. I don't want to feel awkward, I just don't know how not to.
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 First off you have to discover the root of your problem and address it before you can move forward.
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Sorry if I seem a little firm BUT, this guy is not your therapist, nor is your issue his responsibility to help you with. Think about it....is getting him involved with your trust issues fair? No not at all. You are not ready to be involved with someone yet. This isn't going to work out because he is just going to get frustrated and discouraged. He has expectations, and he isn't going to wait around for you to get over it. Maybe you need to take a time out and give yourself more time to heal and regain confidence in others.
Author WhatIsLove2014 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 I totally understand. I'm working on it. I like him so much but maybe you're right. I have so many defense mechanisms, I honestly don't know how he deals with me and I think it's going to get old pretty quickly. I shouldn't drag him down with me and I won't.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Where does this discomfort stem from? What happened in your last relationship that makes you so reticent to open up again? How do you react when he tries to kiss you? These questions are more for self-reflection. In order to tackle these issues, you have to very honestly confront the cause. Also, answering the above questions will help posters give better feedback. Your description is a little vague so the suggestions you get here may or may not really help. You are right about one thing - he may tire of this quickly. I once dated a man who was similarly closed off and uncomfortable. I made an honest effort to be understanding but I didn't feel he was meeting me half-way or that the situation was improving. So after a few months, we stopped seeing each other. It's great that you recognize this is a problem and that you want to resolve it!
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