I dont even know...

[jen_r]

Not even sure what this topic is about or why I'm writing this. I'm just emotionally drained and feel like venting/talking about this to people who don't know my situation because it's embarrassing to talk about.

 

I've been dating someone for a good while now. Not until a few months ago did I finally start to realize that he had some mental disorder. I thought it was always just depression and it caused a lot of our fights. But I realized he is without a doubt bipolar depressive. He finally (after ultimatum) went to the doctors and got prescribed medication. Second day after taking the medications he flipped. Like a light switch. Attacked me over something so minor. I said to him, "I did microderm abrasion and have scratches all over my face from it, I hope they go away before i go on vacation!" His response, "Oh please, your 3rd free vacation this year, quit complaining, you sound like a f----g snob." I was looking at my phone for a long time just thinking "what the f---???" So I ended up flipping out on him and he basically told me I was a "rich b**** and should stfu about my problems". Mind you, he has never said this before. I don't know where it came from. So this escalated and say lets talk tomorrow but it only got worse. He started blaming me for making him take meds, saying the side effects were all my fault. He was completely detached from reality and being extremely abusive. Then came the texts saying he's glad my friend and my friends mother died from heroin and that he wishes i started doing heroin so I were dead with them. Completely out of line and bizarre?!?! I don't do drugs. But he insists that I go "hang with all my drug dealing friends and do drugs with them." Text after text calling me a "C--T"...and I wasn't even replying. This only stopped when I threatened a restraining order and told his mother that I would be filing one. She blocked my number so he couldn't contact me anymore. I've screenshot all his texts just incase I actually do get a restraining order.

 

All while this was going on I was talking to his mother and saying "what is going on??" "Why is he taking this out on me?" And she (who doesn't seem stable herself) says "People take things out on the people closest to them. He is testing you to see if you will stay with him." Im like, are you whacko lady?

 

Does this sound like a bipolar episode?? Or is he just a complete a**hole?

[TheLost1]

Dunno if it is bipolar or not, but there is something not right, for certain.

[BriNyc82]

Not even sure what this topic is about or why I'm writing this. I'm just emotionally drained and feel like venting/talking about this to people who don't know my situation because it's embarrassing to talk about.

 

I've been dating someone for a good while now. Not until a few months ago did I finally start to realize that he had some mental disorder. I thought it was always just depression and it caused a lot of our fights. But I realized he is without a doubt bipolar depressive. He finally (after ultimatum) went to the doctors and got prescribed medication. Second day after taking the medications he flipped. Like a light switch. Attacked me over something so minor. I said to him, "I did microderm abrasion and have scratches all over my face from it, I hope they go away before i go on vacation!" His response, "Oh please, your 3rd free vacation this year, quit complaining, you sound like a f----g snob." I was looking at my phone for a long time just thinking "what the f---???" So I ended up flipping out on him and he basically told me I was a "rich b**** and should stfu about my problems". Mind you, he has never said this before. I don't know where it came from. So this escalated and say lets talk tomorrow but it only got worse. He started blaming me for making him take meds, saying the side effects were all my fault. He was completely detached from reality and being extremely abusive. Then came the texts saying he's glad my friend and my friends mother died from heroin and that he wishes i started doing heroin so I were dead with them. Completely out of line and bizarre?!?! I don't do drugs. But he insists that I go "hang with all my drug dealing friends and do drugs with them." Text after text calling me a "C--T"...and I wasn't even replying. This only stopped when I threatened a restraining order and told his mother that I would be filing one. She blocked my number so he couldn't contact me anymore. I've screenshot all his texts just incase I actually do get a restraining order.

 

All while this was going on I was talking to his mother and saying "what is going on??" "Why is he taking this out on me?" And she (who doesn't seem stable herself) says "People take things out on the people closest to them. He is testing you to see if you will stay with him." Im like, are you whacko lady?

 

Does this sound like a bipolar episode?? Or is he just a complete a**hole?

 

Yep it does. My friend's ex BF was Bi Polar and it was NOT pretty. He was on meds too and was in therapy for being abused by his mom as a kid so he had a whole host of problems but I first hand heard the way he talked to her and it was like night and day. He put her in MANY dangerous situations and i am SO glad she is out of that relationship. Not to say your guy is dangerous or to be scared, and it's great that he is getting help for this. I would just be cautious bc this is something that you would have to put up with forever. And it probably won't be an easy road. How long have you guys been together? Has it affected his past relationships? Does he ever calm down after these fits and apologize and realize that he was wrong or does he stand his ground? Perhaps he has a history of people leaving him when he was young....a dad? which could be why he is testing you.

[jen_r]

Yep it does. My friend's ex BF was Bi Polar and it was NOT pretty. He was on meds too and was in therapy for being abused by his mom as a kid so he had a whole host of problems but I first hand heard the way he talked to her and it was like night and day. He put her in MANY dangerous situations and i am SO glad she is out of that relationship. Not to say your guy is dangerous or to be scared, and it's great that he is getting help for this. I would just be cautious bc this is something that you would have to put up with forever. And it probably won't be an easy road. How long have you guys been together? Has it affected his past relationships? Does he ever calm down after these fits and apologize and realize that he was wrong or does he stand his ground? Perhaps he has a history of people leaving him when he was young....a dad? which could be why he is testing you.

 

His father left him & his mother. He had a relationship with his father for a while but eventually he cut ties with him, his dad has tried to reach out a few times, but he won't give him the time of day. Don't know why.

 

He usually never apologizes. He apologized yesterday though and said "I'm sorry, I don't want this. I can't have you out of my life. I don't know what is wrong or why i'm taking this out on you. Im sorry for the nasty things I said - you know its not me saying them." I didn't accept the apology and he went straight back into the abusive texts. So, the apology was bull and I don't know why he bothered saying it.

 

We are over. I cannot be with someone like that...It's way too much to handle and I have no experience with mental health problems such as that.

[aloneinaz]

 

We are over. I cannot be with someone like that...It's way too much to handle and I have no experience with mental health problems such as that.

 

 

This is the correct course of action. Sadly, mental health care in this country is in the stone ages and needs rapid improvement in understanding and treating disorders like this. I tried to stay with a woman who was emotionally unstable (probably BPD) for 1.4 years because I really fell in love with her at the beginning. It was an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Two plus years after the break up and I'm still somewhat shocked at how messed up she truly was. My GF now is 100% normal and emotionally healthy. It was a major adjustment in dating her after the trauma of the ex.

 

 

You need to move on from him and hope he can get some treatment that will be effective long term. I know my ex hasn't and I truly feel sad for her because her life's going to continue to be hell for those in it.

[mrldii]

...Does this sound like a bipolar episode?? Or is he just a complete a**hole?

 

 

Dunno.

 

If he's bipolar, does that justify him verbally assaulting you and calling you a "f*cking snob", "rich b*tch", and "c*nt"?

 

Or, if he's just a complete a**hole, does that justify it?

 

 

Again, dunno. But I do know that I dunno that it really matters what the *reason* is that it happens.

 

 

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

[jen_r]

This is the correct course of action. Sadly, mental health care in this country is in the stone ages and needs rapid improvement in understanding and treating disorders like this. I tried to stay with a woman who was emotionally unstable (probably BPD) for 1.4 years because I really fell in love with her at the beginning. It was an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Two plus years after the break up and I'm still somewhat shocked at how messed up she truly was. My GF now is 100% normal and emotionally healthy. It was a major adjustment in dating her after the trauma of the ex.

 

 

You need to move on from him and hope he can get some treatment that will be effective long term. I know my ex hasn't and I truly feel sad for her because her life's going to continue to be hell for those in it.

 

Thats how I feel, I fell in love...and perhaps was blinded by what was really wrong? I started to feel that "I" was crazy...because the situations and conversations were just too out of touch with reality for me.

 

I am going to move on. It's going to be hard, but, somehow I think the pure nastiness he showed is making it a little easier to just close the book!

[Downtown]

Does this sound like a bipolar episode?

Jen, the behaviors you describe sound much closer to the warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). If you're interested, you may want to take a look at the differences I've observed in the typical behaviors of BPDers (e.g., my exW) and bipolar-1 sufferers (e.g., my foster son). That list of differences is in my post at 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences.

 

I caution that, if he has one of these disorders, it would not rule out his also having the other one. Roughly a third of BPDers also have bipolar-1 and roughly a third of bipolar-1 sufferers have full-blown BPD. Generally, the very intense irrational anger and vindictiveness you describe is characteristic of BPD traits, not bipolar traits. Yet, because a third of bipolar-1 sufferers also have BPD, many people mistakenly think that intense anger and the event-triggered temper tantrums are due to the bipolar disorder.

 

Finally, as to the medication making him worse, that outcome is to be expected if he really does have bipolar-1 and the prescribed medication was an antidepressant. When bipolar-1 is misdiagnosed as simple depression, it is common for an antidepressant to be prescribed -- which often has the effect of exacerbating the mania part of the bipolar-1 cycle. Physicians usually are aware of this risk and thus try to distinguish bipolar-1 from simple depression. They don't want to mistakenly push the patient into a manic phase. If they know the patient is bipolar-1, they typically will prescribe a mood-stabilizer together with the antidepressant (or not prescribe an antidepressant at all).

[aloneinaz]

Thats how I feel, I fell in love...and perhaps was blinded by what was really wrong? I started to feel that "I" was crazy...because the situations and conversations were just too out of touch with reality for me.

 

I am going to move on. It's going to be hard, but, somehow I think the pure nastiness he showed is making it a little easier to just close the book!

 

People with mental issues or spectrum disorders, like everyone else, are on their "best behavior" during the initial months of a new relationship. They present being fairly normal and if they have BPD traits, they are very good at making people fall for them hard. After the initial honey moon phase ends, you start to get a better sense of who they are. They let their guard down and tire of hiding their true selves.

 

 

The bad part is, we fail to recognize or we ignore all these new "red flags" that something isn't right with them. I know I personally REALLY failed to run when the obvious warning signs presented themselves w/my ex. Why? Because we foolishly think the person we fell in love with will return and everything will be fine. Sadly, we all know it doesn't work and these people don't change.

 

 

You should be VERY proud of yourself for recognizing this persons issues and getting the hell out of that relationship before you get damaged. I've read everywhere that when people get out of a long term relationship with someone emotionally or mentally damaged, we can suffer post depression and anxiety along with other symptoms like PTSD. I know in my case, it took me a while to figure out why I was so anxious after the trauma of that relationship. Thankfully, I returned to feeling like myself and with the love of my normal GF, life's great again.

 

 

Yup, it's going to be hard for a month or two but you sound very strong and stick to your convictions that you don't need to deal with him or his issues while deserving better. Stay NC and ignore any attempts of contact from him and block him on everything.

[Downtown]

I started to feel that "I" was crazy...because the situations and conversations were just too out of touch with reality for me.

Jen, I forgot to mention above that, of the 157 disorders listed in the APA's diagnostic manual (DSM-5), BPD is the one most notorious for making a large share of the abused partners feel like they may be losing their minds. This is why therapists see far more of those abused partners -- coming in to find out if they are going crazy -- than they ever see of the BPDers themselves.

[jen_r]

Jen, the behaviors you describe sound much closer to the warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). If you're interested, you may want to take a look at the differences I've observed in the typical behaviors of BPDers (e.g., my exW) and bipolar-1 sufferers (e.g., my foster son). That list of differences is in my post at 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences.

 

I caution that, if he has one of these disorders, it would not rule out his also having the other one. Roughly a third of BPDers also have bipolar-1 and roughly a third of bipolar-1 sufferers have full-blown BPD. Generally, the very intense irrational anger and vindictiveness you describe is characteristic of BPD traits, not bipolar traits. Yet, because a third of bipolar-1 sufferers also have BPD, many people mistakenly think that intense anger and the event-triggered temper tantrums are due to the bipolar disorder.

 

Finally, as to the medication making him worse, that outcome is to be expected if he really does have bipolar-1 and the prescribed medication was an antidepressant. When bipolar-1 is misdiagnosed as simple depression, it is common for an antidepressant to be prescribed -- which often has the effect of exacerbating the mania part of the bipolar-1 cycle. Physicians usually are aware of this risk and thus try to distinguish bipolar-1 from simple depression. They don't want to mistakenly push the patient into a manic phase. If they know the patient is bipolar-1, they typically will prescribe a mood-stabilizer together with the antidepressant (or not prescribe an antidepressant at all).

 

He was prescribed an antidepressant (Zoloft). I told him to tell the doctors everything and all he told them was about the depression (because thats all he thinks the issues is). That explains his outburst then, if he was prescribed the wrong medication. I will read about BPD (and the link you gave), perhaps he does have that? All I was reading up on was bipolar disorder.

[Downtown]

I will read about BPD (and the link you gave), perhaps he does have that?

Jen, if the BPD traits described in that post sound very familiar, I would suggest you take a look at my more complete list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join AloneInAz and other respondents in discussing them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will NOT enable you to diagnose your exBF's issues. Only a professional can do that. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a painful experience -- e.g., avoid taking him back and avoid running into the arms of another man just like the one you left. Take care,

[jen_r]

Jen, I forgot to mention above that, of the 157 disorders listed in the APA's diagnostic manual (DSM-5), BPD is the one most notorious for making a large share of the abused partners feel like they may be losing their minds. This is why therapists see far more of those abused partners -- coming in to find out if they are going crazy -- than they ever see of the BPDers themselves.

 

Oh wow. He does seem to be Borderline. Every. Single. Difference you listed...is him. The childhood anger, the immaturity, playing the victim, loving & devaluing...everything. I would send him a link to read about BPD, but, he wouldn't care and nor do I at this point. I can't save him.

[aloneinaz]

He was prescribed an antidepressant (Zoloft). I told him to tell the doctors everything and all he told them was about the depression (because thats all he thinks the issues is). That explains his outburst then, if he was prescribed the wrong medication. I will read about BPD (and the link you gave), perhaps he does have that? All I was reading up on was bipolar disorder.

 

 

Who prescribed this medication? I psychiatrist or a family doctor? I'm betting on a family doctor. I won't go down the road of bashing mental health "professionals" but I will say they are far to fast w/their prescription pads.

 

 

Zoloft, like all SSRI antidepressants have "start up" side effects that can exasperate existing conditions until it reaches full dosage and the body/brain adjust to it. If he's truly bi-polar, it's not a good choice for his bi-polar depression. Seroquel is typically used as a mood stabilizer for bi-polar depression.

 

 

Either way Jen, I'd caution you to not to invest too much time exploring what his issues are. At this point, it's irrelevant and you time and energy should be on you. You need to get over this experience and then move forward. Spending too much time analyzing him will only keep you "stuck" in this place. You need to get to out of sight, out of mind.