vickyj Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I was with my ex for a short but amazing and intense 6 months - I am 20 and he turns 21 soon (I don't want to hear about how 'young and immature' we are, I'm only asking for opinions on the situation I am about to explain.) Our relationship ended 6 weeks ago as he told me he couldn't be in a relationship any longer as he didn't want to be tied down. I interpreted this as a grass is greener excuse however for the first 2 weeks he was wishy washy about what he wanted, told me he loved me and missed me etc but finally decided his decision was final. After this I did everything I shouldn't have done for a further 2 weeks; I begged, pleaded, cried, messaged him endlessly at night etc then stopped contacting him as I knew it was needy and unattractive. We haven't really had a proper NC period, we didn't speak for a week, then we did, then we didn't for a further week then we did again etc.. I perceived his reason for the break up was because he thought the grass was greener elsewhere until what I am about to explain.. Last night, after him texting me asking if he could use my Netflix account (lol I know) we continued to talk and he basically poured out his heart to me. He told me that people now thought of him as cocky and arrogant and over confident because this is how he acts now as a way of covering things up (i.e. on nights out and stuff). I told him that he needs to stop bottling up his emotions (he has always done this, but then doesn't every male?) and talk soon turned to his deceased father of 4 years - he told me he can't let go of him and that it was affecting his mentality and we ended because he didn't want to drag me down with him (he didn't do this in any way when we were together anyway). Of course I told him that that's what relationships are for, talking and leaning on eachother for help in situations like these, but he was having none of it. He told me he will continue bottling things up and hurting everyone in his life because that's just what he does. I made it clear that I wanted to help but told him if he doesn't want to accept it then I can't force him to open up to me. He told me he would be okay and I didn't respond after this. I know it's unfinished business between the two of us, part of me just knows and I can't put my finger on why I can't let go of this feeling. I know he still loves me but he refuses to see past these bad feelings. My plan is to now go quiet on him until he decides to talk to me again as I have said all I wanted to, I just hope I'm doing the right thing and he reflects on that conversation in particular and what he is letting go of.. someone who would always be willing to support him. We had a holiday booked for the beginning of September which he is now going on with a friend. Part of me hopes on/after the holiday he realises that it should have been us two there together, doing all of the things we had planned and uses the time to reflect on us. I want us to be able to reconcile, even if it takes a few more months! I'm not ready to lose him or move on at all.
seasickpeeve Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I think now you have said all you can to him, you are doing the right thing to leave it alone and give both of you space. Let him miss you but don't hold out for a change of mind.
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