mrldii Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 cool. why does this matter again? It matters as much as your direct and erroneous assault on her; since she's been with herself a little longer and a tad more intimately than you have, she probably figured she like to set the record straight on who and how she is as a human being, rather than allowing others to take your word for it. 5
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I don't know. It depends on how long it's been since I had sex Seriously, though, 2 points: He's calling her his girlfriend, which implies some sort of "knowing each other" (although completely not clear to me) I don't see people here saying he shouldn't try to sleep with her before leaving. I see people saying he should be less crass about it, more romantic: flowers, phrasing like "spend time together". To me, that is being disingenuous and disrespectful. I'd much prefer the straightforward offer that I could accept or refuse for what it is. If the sexual tension is obvious, I wouldn't be offended by the offer. I'd understand, even if I refused. I didn't suggest romance. There are many permutations of interaction on the spectrum that don't include flowers or being crass... I'd say 90% of people are in between those two.
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 cool. why does this matter again? LMAO...is that all you got? Come on I was really starting to enjoy arguing with you! But you're right, it doesn't matter, I was only responding back to you ....since YOU were the one doubting my motivations....:bunny:
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 It matters as much as your direct and erroneous assault on her; since she's been with herself a little longer and a tad more intimately than you have, she probably figured she like to set the record straight on who and how she is as a human being, rather than allowing others to take your word for it. Thank you!!!! ((hugs))
MrNate 2.0 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 You know, what we say and do are oft two different things. Human nature is a beautiful, interesting thing.
Art_Critic Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Judging by her response, I actually think she'll do it. I almost think it's better that he was straight to the point about it. I don't know.. she thinks he is an *ss... Her first response was "I don't understand you, can you really be such a f*cked up *ss?I think she is going to rethink the relationship at this point, she obviously isn't hot headed or he would not have gotten the "Let me think about it" comment. Women know if they want to sleep with a guy and the comments she gave don't lend to that, although if she is horny and looking for a ONS then she may be all in on the next date, but I don't think so unless the OP does some serious back tracking and smooth over the fact she thinks he is an a**. 1
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I think you guys just got bamboozaled. I agree! It led to a fun and interesting discussion though ....I'll give the OP that.
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I don't know.. she thinks he is an *ss... I think she is going to rethink the relationship at this point, she obviously isn't hot headed or he would not have gotten the "Let me think about it" comment. Women know if they want to sleep with a guy and the comments she gave don't lend to that, although if she is horny and looking for a ONS then she may be all in on the next date, but I don't think so unless the OP does some serious back tracking and smooth over the fact she thinks he is an a**. Yeah, I don't think she wanted to think about his offer/request but is re-thinking HIM. 2
GravityMan Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Your timing was pretty poor, kenmore. Depending on the woman, as well as the status of your relationship with her...there may be times where bluntly and "tactlessly" asking her "hey, wanna f**k?" is OK (hell, even GOOD), depending on your tone of voice. For example, if the sexual tension was already strong to begin with. But I don't think your situation was one of them. Direct honesty and cutting to the chase is good. But it's easily possible to be honest, not mince words, and be tactful all at the same time. You should learn how to do that for your future interactions with women. That's an important part of basic social skills. 2
jen1447 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I like her a lot and the potential of loving her is there, but if I have to leave, don't you think having sex is better than nothing? Hm, judgment call. Depends a lot on her and just what the nature of your relationship was. If it was at all intense, sex will make it moreso and make the break harder to deal with, but if she was just some chick you hung out with, going out with a bang could be fun and cost-free. (That may be what she's pondering btw - what exactly was she to you.) It is sinking in and tonight we were texting. We have never had more than a kiss out of respect for the fact that I was married...now that's over. This seems to indicate the R goes back further than last week (I don't recall that discussion), being as kenmore's divorce was finalized a while back iirc. As to what everyone's objecting about, I think it could actually work. Feeling conflicted often leads to surrender of control or submitting to the sensation of the inevitability of what caused the conflict to begin with. I think whether it was crass or not or just bold and direct depends on who she really is and what her personality traits are. Forex someone saying that to me wouldn't offend me bc I'd either be in agreement and appreciate the honesty or I'd not be down anyway and just knock them out as an afterthought, but if his GF was a gentle flower it'd probably be inappropriate.
kendahke Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 This thread does make me laugh. Esp since she said she'll think about it that's what he said she said... she might have told him to go eff himself.
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) Hm, judgment call. Depends a lot on her and just what the nature of your relationship was. If it was at all intense, sex will make it moreso and make the break harder to deal with, but if she was just some chick you hung out with, going out with a bang could be fun and cost-free. (That may be what she's pondering btw - what exactly was she to you.) ---- ***This seems to indicate the R goes back further than last week (I don't recall that discussion),**** --- being as kenmore's divorce was finalized a while back iirc. As to what everyone's objecting about, I think it could actually work. Feeling conflicted often leads to surrender of control or submitting to the sensation of the inevitability of what caused the conflict to begin with. I think whether it was crass or not or just bold and direct depends on who she really is and what her personality traits are. Forex someone saying that to me wouldn't offend me bc I'd either be in agreement and appreciate the honesty or I'd not be down anyway and just knock them out as an afterthought, but if his GF was a gentle flower it'd probably be inappropriate. Quote in asterisk, that is why it was suggested (by smackie) we are being bamboozled. Nothing is jiving. I can't mention the thread, but just last week, he was most definitely SINGLE and vowing NO romantic entanglements ...as he was being relocated for his job. Now, one week later, suddenly he has this *girlfriend.* I don't care, it was a great discussion nevertheless. Edited August 2, 2015 by katiegrl
jen1447 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 He's not exactly a troll or a known spammer tho. Explain yourself, k-mo!
Author kenmore Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 It seems some 'splainin is in order. She and I have known each other since the beginning of the year. We went to the ballet and the fair and have seen each other in person a grand total of five times. She is a busy woman and oftentimes a week or more will go by between us even texting. There has been open honesty between us sexually. We have both told the other what we like and would like to do to the other. right down to me having a spell check glitch bring up the idea of me tying her up and her saying she would like that. I call her my GF because she is the only woman in my life right now to whom I can refer to as that. We have dated, we have a couple thousand texts between us and we have been getting closer, only to have it most likely end now. Yes, it was a desperation play. I don't want to lead her on getting romantic. She herself told me her plan was to retire to Thailand in a few years, so that in itself tells me she isn't into a long term relationship. So what is she into? As a man, I can only think of two things and one of them is short-term companionship. I "reasoned" that it was time to call the check. It's now or never IMO. If it's never, I'm not sure what I lost. If I kept dating her and worked my way into her pants, that would be hurtful IMO. I'm not trying to make myself out to be this great caring guy, I would like to get laid, it's that simple. We both know the score. Ken
Author kenmore Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 BTW, I'm touched that some of you know me as well as you do. I had no idea! 1
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Fair enough, but wondering why no mention of her in prior threads, lamenting the fact you were not dating anyone, and vowing to remain single as you were re-locating. Just last week you posted this. Don't mean to put you on the spot, it doesn't really matter I know you are NOT a troll, just confused tis all... Good luck in your new job! . 1
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 BTW, I'm touched that some of you know me as well as you do. I had no idea! For me, I have read most, if not all, your threads, and remember things you have posted, tis all....:bunny: 1
MrNate 2.0 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Looks like you got some fans, Kenmore. Keep up the good work, brotha. Let us know how it goes with ole girl. 2
Author kenmore Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Aww popsicle, I hope you're not upset at me. Katie, thank you for saying that. I remember a lot of your posts too. I have mentioned her before (the thread about the ballet, the thread about going to the fair, several other threads but I know without names it's hard to know who I'm talking about. I'd never mention her name here though.) Since she told me a long time ago that her plan is to retire in a few years to Thailand and farm vegetables (which strikes me as an odd dream, but to each their own), I have known there's no long-term future for us. I have absolutely no intention of either becoming a farmer or moving to Thailand (or any other foreign country.) So, I was keeping myself open to dating other women and was actively trying to do so. What I meant last week was that I'm shying away from looking for other women to date now (as in a long-term relationship which is what I ultimately want someday.) I understand that I'm no catch while unemployed and in debt, am probably still hurt from my marriage so shouldn't be trying to force another relationship on myself and others, and may very well be moving away permanently. I am certainly open to being friends with this one still and she has been my closest companion since I was asked to leave my marriage. All there really is with her now are companionship and someone to do things with. I call her my GF because it's easier than saying "that woman who I do things with occasionally." Since there is no long-term relationship possibility with her, sex should be off the table...but then there are people who have sex on their first date, casual sex and FB's. Sex isn't off the table for them, so it's not so cut and dried. She and I have been quite blunt with each other sexually. Some of it is humor, some serious. Me asking her like that isn't that out of character for our situation but I admit there was some shock value to it. I admit she was shocked. I have had women I was dating call me up and bluntly ask me to go over and f*ck them. I'm usually shocked, then get over it and go f*ck them. I suspect there may be something of a double standard here. Thank you very much for your kind wishes regarding this new job, I really appreciate that!! Thanks to you too MrNate! Ken
Author kenmore Posted August 3, 2015 Author Posted August 3, 2015 I just went back and re-read the comments here. So a quick question: I'm meeting the French woman for goodbye coffee next week. You remember, the one who kept saying we should go out but never accepted any of my plans. Should I ask her if she wants to have sex with me before I go? It had crossed my mind. 2
SycamoreCircle Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Kenmore, c'mon man you've got more sense than that... To get a woman into bed, you don't ever have to say anything that directly expresses that. Meet her, buy her a drink, ask about her, make lots of eye contact, enjoy looking at her, tell her that you're leaving but you've thought about her continually, see how she responds, take cues and if she seems into the moment suggest going back to your place. That's all you have to do. 2
Author kenmore Posted August 3, 2015 Author Posted August 3, 2015 Oooo, smooth! I think I'll give it a try. On second though...nah. Sounds like too much work. 2
jen1447 Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 This whole approach does seem unusually cludgy for you, ken. 1
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