Bobbi7 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I had a second date on Friday. We went to the movies, then his place and you can guess what happened..we had sex, I stayed the night at his place, the morning after we watched a netflix show and had breakfast. He invited me to go to the amusement park with his friends, but I already had plans to see my parents. This is probably the 2nd time he has asked me to see if I wanted to do something with his friends..basically him meeting his friends. Then when it was time for me to go home, he told me what days of the week he was free and asked me if I was free next weekend. Of course only time will tell, from my past experiences, some people don't always follow through to what they say..
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Look, it's always a cosmic roll of the dice, but generally when someone makes plans with afterwards, that a good sign. In fact, it's better than a good sign; it's the best sign. The absolute best thing you can do right now is maintain your value. Don't be too eager, have your guard up and still play a little hard to get. Not too hard, just not completely available 24/7. If dude was making future plans with you, my money is on you're good. It's always a risk, but it's looking pretty good for you. 1
Lansing Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 To be honest from reading your posts you seem a bit overly anxious about dating. I understand there are fears of if the guy is really into you, etc but some of your posts (like, what should I wear to the cinema, etc) make it seem like you are worrying about every single detail. Maybe it is the wrong interpretation but I can imagine you now wondering "I haven't heard from him in 6 hours, what is going on" or something like that. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't have been so quick to sleep with him so that YOU could decide if he was really someone you wanted to date long term. If YOU just wanted sex, well, you got it. I wouldn't worry about him asking you to hang out with his friends. He probably feels comfortable around you and thought it would be fun to go to the amusement part together. Did you guys set a specific time/place for your next date? It sounds like he was eager to see you again. I would suggest maybe a date that doesn't lead to your or his house afterwards. 2
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I had a second date on Friday. We went to the movies, then his place and you can guess what happened..we had sex, I stayed the night at his place, the morning after we watched a netflix show and had breakfast. He invited me to go to the amusement park with his friends, but I already had plans to see my parents. This is probably the 2nd time he has asked me to see if I wanted to do something with his friends..basically him meeting his friends. Then when it was time for me to go home, he told me what days of the week he was free and asked me if I was free next weekend. Of course only time will tell, from my past experiences, some people don't always follow through to what they say.. Now is the time to have a casual conversation about what each of you is looking for out of your dating journeys. Does he want a casual relationship or is he looking for the long-term? Just because he asks you to do things that involve his friends, doesn't mean that's what he wants. That by itself, means nothing. And, even if he says he's looking for a long-term relationship, you need to continue to observe how he dates you. Scheduling last minute dates or cancelling often, poor communication between dates, etc. usually indicates he's just wanting casual. Let this play out. Let him do the initiating and don't remind him about plans for next weekend. Let him demonstrate now that you've been intimate. Guys often fade or drop out after intimacy, I'm sure you know. But, if you reach out to him, he may go along with it just because "its" there, but you don't really know if he would have done it himself or not. Let him initiate almost everything for a little while, then you can and should start doing some of that yourself.
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Now is the time to have a casual conversation about what each of you is looking for out of your dating journeys. Does he want a casual relationship or is he looking for the long-term? Just because he asks you to do things that involve his friends, doesn't mean that's what he wants. That by itself, means nothing. And, even if he says he's looking for a long-term relationship, you need to continue to observe how he dates you. Scheduling last minute dates or cancelling often, poor communication between dates, etc. usually indicates he's just wanting casual. Let this play out. Let him do the initiating and don't remind him about plans for next weekend. Let him demonstrate now that you've been intimate. Guys often fade or drop out after intimacy, I'm sure you know. But, if you reach out to him, he may go along with it just because "its" there, but you don't really know if he would have done it himself or not. Let him initiate almost everything for a little while, then you can and should start doing some of that yourself. Yeah, I'm going to let him do all the initiating! I've made that mistake in the past to ALWAYS text guys constantly and have been called obsessive. He did text me today to ask how I was. Looks like he wants to check out my place next weekend. Of course, I wanted sex, but sometimes its better to test-drive the vehicle in the beginning.
Qboro90 Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Now is the time to have a casual conversation about what each of you is looking for out of your dating journeys. Does he want a casual relationship or is he looking for the long-term? Just because he asks you to do things that involve his friends, doesn't mean that's what he wants. That by itself, means nothing. And, even if he says he's looking for a long-term relationship, you need to continue to observe how he dates you. Scheduling last minute dates or cancelling often, poor communication between dates, etc. usually indicates he's just wanting casual. Let this play out. Let him do the initiating and don't remind him about plans for next weekend. Let him demonstrate now that you've been intimate. Guys often fade or drop out after intimacy, I'm sure you know. But, if you reach out to him, he may go along with it just because "its" there, but you don't really know if he would have done it himself or not. Let him initiate almost everything for a little while, then you can and should start doing some of that yourself. Im going to have to respectfully disagree with this. As a guy I would be a little weirded out if after only 2 dates a girl started asking me "so where is this going? Do you want something casual or you looking for a gf" and talks along those lines. Two dates is hardly enough time for him to decide if he's thinking of making her his gf or wants a long term relationship. I understand that because she slept with him she wants to know this now but honestly it's not his fault that she lost that bargaining chip by being intimate on the 2nd date. He's asking you to hang out with his friends, telling you when he's free, etc. It's not just casual. He wouldn't be doing these things if it was. Don't overthink or over analyze what he does or says because you're going to bug yourself out and make your own insecurities and worries project into him. Also don't think so much about when to contact/text him and when not to. Obviously you don't want to be too clingy and text him every single day trying to have long talks and gauge his mind set. However my general rule of thumb early on in dating is that for every 2 or 3 dates I ask a girl out on, I like that she takes the initiative to ask me to get together once. That's just being polite and showing him you're capable of coming up with plans so he doesn't need to constantly be the one figuring out what to do. You also enable yourself to come up with a date that would help progress it into something more serious. If you went to go see a play, or a nice dinner, or you invite him to a friend or family event. Things like that speed up his thoughts of dating you as opposed to you asking him to come over and "hang and watch a movie". If you do that then you can just become a booty call and seen as easy and unchallenging. 3
katiegrl Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 (edited) Im going to have to respectfully disagree with this. As a guy I would be a little weirded out if after only 2 dates a girl started asking me "so where is this going? Do you want something casual or you looking for a gf" and talks along those lines. Two dates is hardly enough time for him to decide if he's thinking of making her his gf or wants a long term relationship. I understand that because she slept with him she wants to know this now but honestly it's not his fault that she lost that bargaining chip by being intimate on the 2nd date. He's asking you to hang out with his friends, telling you when he's free, etc. It's not just casual. He wouldn't be doing these things if it was. Don't overthink or over analyze what he does or says because you're going to bug yourself out and make your own insecurities and worries project into him. Also don't think so much about when to contact/text him and when not to. Obviously you don't want to be too clingy and text him every single day trying to have long talks and gauge his mind set. However my general rule of thumb early on in dating is that for every 2 or 3 dates I ask a girl out on, I like that she takes the initiative to ask me to get together once. That's just being polite and showing him you're capable of coming up with plans so he doesn't need to constantly be the one figuring out what to do. You also enable yourself to come up with a date that would help progress it into something more serious. If you went to go see a play, or a nice dinner, or you invite him to a friend or family event. Things like that speed up his thoughts of dating you as opposed to you asking him to come over and "hang and watch a movie". If you do that then you can just become a booty call and seen as easy and unchallenging. Your first paragraph .....totally agree! That is exactly how I have approached all my relationships (light and breezy, no heavy conversations re dating goals etc) too heavy for those early dates! And that approach has worked out great for me. All led to long term, including current. Just have fun! Yes pay attention to actions and respond accordingly. So far, it all looks good! Agree with the rest of your post also, but wanted to comment on the first paragraph specifically. Edited August 3, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Gary S Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Use you intuition, and wait a long time for sex....... some people even wait until marriage. Whoops! I guess it's a little late! 1
Versacehottie Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Yes, I'm not saying this to be mean, only to help you get what you want, you do seem rather anxious in all your posts. You need to be careful that doesn't translate to your dates or that the guys you like don't feel it from you. If you've been called obsessive before, that would be a case in point. I think if you have anxious tendencies, it's probably better to wait in general to sleep with your guy. But considering the deed has been done, try to be breezy and natural. It's good that he has contacted you. Roll with that. You keep mentioning that he wants you to meet his friends like it's a bad thing. A lot of guys want to see if their friends and girl they are dating mix well toward the beginning. I would consider it a good sign. One of my guy friends was just giving me the update on his new girl and the second sentence out of his mouth was: she and my friends get along really well. The first sentence was to tell me who she was as I have met her a couple of times casually before they were dating openly. So I think for some guys it rates high on importance. Hang in there and good luck
Gaeta Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Him asking you to meet his friends means nothing. I have been asked the same thing by men I had seen only once. For men meeting their friends doesn't have the same meaning as it does for us women. For them it's just a thing to do, maybe show off their new girl, but it has absolutely no meaning in terms if he is serious about you or not. An additional example: Last night I got a text from a man I met ONCE about 3 months ago. He text me and says: Hey I'm at a bbq at my brother wanna come and join me! The man is just looking for company. No meaning at all.
Gaeta Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Don't let him do ALL the initiating you will come across as uninterested. Men have insecurities just like us, you have to show a certain level of interest for him to continue the chase.
Redhead14 Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Im going to have to respectfully disagree with this. As a guy I would be a little weirded out if after only 2 dates a girl started asking me "so where is this going? Do you want something casual or you looking for a gf" and talks along those lines. Two dates is hardly enough time for him to decide if he's thinking of making her his gf or wants a long term relationship. I understand that because she slept with him she wants to know this now but honestly it's not his fault that she lost that bargaining chip by being intimate on the 2nd date. He's asking you to hang out with his friends, telling you when he's free, etc. It's not just casual. He wouldn't be doing these things if it was. Don't overthink or over analyze what he does or says because you're going to bug yourself out and make your own insecurities and worries project into him. Also don't think so much about when to contact/text him and when not to. Obviously you don't want to be too clingy and text him every single day trying to have long talks and gauge his mind set. However my general rule of thumb early on in dating is that for every 2 or 3 dates I ask a girl out on, I like that she takes the initiative to ask me to get together once. That's just being polite and showing him you're capable of coming up with plans so he doesn't need to constantly be the one figuring out what to do. You also enable yourself to come up with a date that would help progress it into something more serious. If you went to go see a play, or a nice dinner, or you invite him to a friend or family event. Things like that speed up his thoughts of dating you as opposed to you asking him to come over and "hang and watch a movie". If you do that then you can just become a booty call and seen as easy and unchallenging. It's not about "where is this going". It's about making sure the two are on the same page in terms of overall dating goals. If you're not on the same page to begin with, it's not gonna work either. There is nothing wrong with finding out if someone is dating for a relationship or just looking for casual. If the guy only wants casual and she wants a relationship for herself (not necessarily with him yet), there's no point in dating him. She isn't asking him to be exclusive with her at this point.
Author Bobbi7 Posted August 3, 2015 Author Posted August 3, 2015 Him asking you to meet his friends means nothing. I have been asked the same thing by men I had seen only once. For men meeting their friends doesn't have the same meaning as it does for us women. For them it's just a thing to do, maybe show off their new girl, but it has absolutely no meaning in terms if he is serious about you or not. An additional example: Last night I got a text from a man I met ONCE about 3 months ago. He text me and says: Hey I'm at a bbq at my brother wanna come and join me! The man is just looking for company. No meaning at all. Possibly. Could mean nothing. But in my lifetime of having lots of hook ups and no strings attached, no guy has ever asked me to actually go out and meet up with friends. He could want to just show me off, but if he did he would probably be all touchy feely with me and kissing me like we were a couple in front of everyone. I guess it's not considered nothing until it's "facebook" official, right? I'll try not to get too worked up for nothing. Kind of like Jersey Shore where the guys would brings their girls home for everyone to see.
Els Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 If it's important to you to 'date' instead of 'hook up'... then do just that. Don't have sex until 'dating' has actually been established for some time. Hangouts with friends aren't dates IMO, nor are they indication of anything, especially if he isn't introducing you to his friends as his gf.
katiegrl Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 (edited) It's not about "where is this going". It's about making sure the two are on the same page in terms of overall dating goals. If you're not on the same page to begin with, it's not gonna work either. There is nothing wrong with finding out if someone is dating for a relationship or just looking for casual. If the guy only wants casual and she wants a relationship for herself (not necessarily with him yet), there's no point in dating him. She isn't asking him to be exclusive with her at this point. The gist of that conversation is the same same though. The woman brings up, "dating goals" (in general terms) ...and the man HEARS - will you ultimately want a relationship with ME. It puts too much pressure on a guy (or girl if roles are reversed,) in those early stages. Not to mention, many people don't know what the hell they want until they meet the person they feel they want to have something with! And that takes time! Versacehottie gave good advice. Be natural, and roll with it! Stop over-thinking ....does he want a relationship, will he ever want a relationship, etc. Men pick up on that energy, and it turns them off, I'm telling ya. No matter how "generally" you word it. I have five brothers, super close with two and they both told me a long time ago, never EVER bring up the word "relationship" on those early dates. Even generally. The man HEARS something completely different, and as Qboro said "it weirds them out." If you want to know if it's going anywhere, pay attention to his ACTIONS. Is he asking you out, is he keeping the dates, is he attentive, is he courteous, is he consistent...look at those things. After you have been dating awhile and you are both feeling good and growing closer, THEN you can start talking about what you both want long term. But not in those early stages ... that stage is to have fun, get to know each other, laugh, be playful, sexy, no pressure, no heavy conversations ....and see if this is someone worth pursuing long term. I can't tell you how many guys I know who were NOT looking for a relationship (per se), but after dating a particular women for awhile, they realized they did - with her!! But if she had asked on date one, two, three or even four "hey you looking for casual, or a long term relationship, generally speaking," he would have responded casual, then what? She dumps him? What a shame ...since in time he DID realize he wanted something more serious - with HER! Bobbi, please girl, relax and stop over-thinking. Be natural, happy, breezy and roll with it for awhile. Watch his ACTIONS! Let him inititiate most if the time and respond accordingly. Do not text or call too much. If you sense him pulling back sometimes, say nothing and YOU pull back. Follow his lead. Good luck! Edited August 3, 2015 by katiegrl 2
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 IMO he is making an effort to see you again, and not for just sex. Relax and go out on more dates. Most guys that just want to hook up, don't want to see you anywhere except in the bedroom. 2
katiegrl Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 (edited) The gist of that conversation is the same same though. The woman brings up, "dating goals" (in general terms) ...and the man HEARS - will you ultimately want a relationship with ME. It puts too much pressure on a guy (or girl if roles are reversed,) in those early stages. Not to mention, many people don't know what the hell they want until they meet the person they feel they want to have something with! And that takes time! Versacehottie gave good advice. Be natural, and roll with it! Stop over-thinking ....does he want a relationship, will he ever want a relationship, etc. Men pick up on that energy, and it turns them off, I'm telling ya. No matter how "generally" you word it. I have five brothers, super close with two and they both told me a long time ago, never EVER bring up the word "relationship" on those early dates. Even generally. The man HEARS something completely different, and as Qboro said "it weirds them out." If you want to know if it's going anywhere, pay attention to his ACTIONS. Is he asking you out, is he keeping the dates, is he attentive, is he courteous, is he consistent...look at those things. After you have been dating awhile and you are both feeling good and growing closer, THEN you can start talking about what you both want long term. But not in those early stages ... that stage is to have fun, get to know each other, laugh, be playful, sexy, no pressure, no heavy conversations ....and see if this is someone worth pursuing long term. I can't tell you how many guys I know who were NOT looking for a relationship (per se), but after dating a particular women for awhile, they realized they did - with her!! But if she had asked on date one, two, three or even four "hey you looking for casual, or a long term relationship, generally speaking," he would have responded casual, then what? She dumps him? What a shame ...since in time he DID realize he wanted something more serious - with HER! Bobbi, please girl, relax and stop over-thinking. Be natural, happy, breezy and roll with it for awhile. Watch his ACTIONS! Let him inititiate most if the time and respond accordingly. Do not text or call too much. If you sense him pulling back sometimes, say nothing and YOU pull back. Follow his lead. Good luck! ^^I tried to edit but was too late. Plus, how many threads have been started by women whose *boyfriends* (for lack of a better word), when asked, told them they *were* looking for a *relationship,* (generally speaking), but it was obvious their actions said otherwise! Many men WILL tell a woman he wants a RL (again generally speaking) even if it's not true, just so he can keep having sex with her, or to keep her around until the woman he really falls for comes along. Just read these threads! So why bother even asking (on those early dates) ....just watch his actions and follow your own intuition. Relax, be natural, happy and have fun! That will him keep him coming back for more, I promise! Assuming he's into you to begin with, which it sounds like he is! Edited August 3, 2015 by katiegrl
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 It's just my take but women that come here asking about these things should learn to rely more on their senses, and not their insecurities. I could always tell if a guy was only into it for sex....I can see and feel the emotional detachment through the lust.....it never mattered what was coming out of their mouth. 1
regine_phalange Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Wait to see how it goes. How he responds to you. To your texts, your stories, your body language... Does he seem truly happy to be around you? Eager to please you? Does he appreciate your sense of humour and your achievements?
katiegrl Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 It's just my take but women that come here asking about these things should learn to rely more on their senses, and not their insecurities. I could always tell if a guy was only into it for sex.... ***I can see and feel the emotional detachment through the lust.....it never mattered what was coming out of their mouth. Not just through his lust, but through how he interacts with me and treats me in general, in and out of bed. I never had to *ask* anything about what he wanted, dating goals, etc, I paid attention to actions, followed my intuition, trusted the bond we were developing ...and they always always came back for more.... leading to long term relationships. I know for a fact my first two boyfriends were NOT looking for a *relationship* when I met them. But after dating me for a few months, with NO pushing or prodding from me, they did, with me! Feelings are fluid, not rigid. A person may not be looking for a relationship, but in time that could all change, with the right person. I think it's important to always remain flexible and open to all the changes that will occur while dating. Feelings ebb and flow, peaks and valleys, again learn to roll with it, remain open and flexible and don't freak out.....it's all normal!
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