mortensorchid Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I have become a rather cynical, bitter person in the last few years, ending up going in and out of things that just don't happen for me. I have adopted a new attitude, or more like recycled one. I'm sure others be they men or women have experienced this as well depending on situations. There are times that I think that I should be with someone, but other times I do not. I figure I am lonely at times and seek that human connection, we all feel that way. I have had my share of one time encounters and don't mean to make a more regular practice of it than I have, and when you do you tend to take on this animalistic mentality about it. Like "bag it, tag it, give it cab fare". At the moment, I am in that mindset. I look at men around me who I am feeling like that, the animalistic want and need that they can and will envoke within. Is it bad to feel this? I am 40 now, I think I missed my window to get married and/or have children. Do others think that way? If so, how and why? I realize I have adopted this because I am more angry than seeking the human connection.
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Of course, dude. Life is hard and you aren't really human if you don't experience the vast spectrum of human emotions. To me, it sounds like you're becoming negative and jaded, which we all have a tendency to do sometimes. I wish I had a better answer for you, but I battle this myself. The only thing I can say is to: Use your sense of empathy. You're a good person a despite how cruel and unfair the world is, that doesn't mean you have to contribute to it. Treat others the way you would like to be treated, not the way they treat you. Do things to improve your mood, including indulging in your favorite vice. If it takes a few drinks, so be it. What, are you gonna live forever? Stop over generalizing people. There's plenty of good ones out there but you're going to have to work to find them. Go talk to a professional. Seriously, I did and still do. Man, talking to a therapist is like taking your soul to the laundromat. I always walk out of there feeling 10x lighter. Take comfort in the things and people you love. Last but not least, forgive. Even the people who don't deserve it. That doesn't mean they win; it just simply means that you no longer have to waste energy being bitter. They aren't worth it anyway. It is what it is, man. Just do what you can and rise above it. You're better than than the way you're acting now and you know it. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Age is just a number. If you don't want kids or it's too late to have them, you can still find love and get married. Plenty of men out there don't want kids, or any more kids. A month before I turned 39, I met my boyfriend, who is the most loving, stable, supportive romantic partner I've ever had. Do the things that make you happy. Simple things, things you can do without much effort. Take a bubble bath, walk in the grass, try a new recipe, take a walk in nature, browse the art store. Happiness has a momentum to it. At first you're stirring up happiness a few minutes a day. Then an hour. Then hours. Then most of the time.
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Just to add, you didn't miss your window on anything. The day you miss your window, you won't even notice it because you'll be dead. Until that point, just keep l-i-v-i-n. 50 year old friend of mine just married and had a baby with a gorgeous 36 year old chick. She's not damaged, broken, nothing. She just happen to marry a jerk and caught him with a side piece that wasn't even half as bad as she is. Now he's all alone, his chick is with with my work friend and they have an amazing life. Seriously, she's super hot. Every 20 something year old dude there would kill for a chance at it and were actually all pretty jelly. I ain't over dude. 40 might as well be 30 in the scheme of things because chronological age actually means very little in science. That's why some people to live to 100 and some only make it to 50. Seriously, I'm not just blowing smoke, google it. In fact, I'll save you the time... Human Body's Chronological And Biological Age May Differ: Why Your Breast Tissues Are Older Than The Rest Of You
jen1447 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I have had my share of one time encounters and don't mean to make a more regular practice of it than I have, and when you do you tend to take on this animalistic mentality about it. Like "bag it, tag it, give it cab fare". At the moment, I am in that mindset. I look at men around me who I am feeling like that, the animalistic want and need that they can and will envoke within. Is it bad to feel this? I don't know that "bag it, tag it, and give it cab fare" is objectively "bad" conduct ....ppl have primal desires and needs, so while personal morals vary, I don't think you necessarily need to feel guilty about those needs unless they violate your personal code of conduct. I assume none of those ppl did anything against their will.
PogoStick Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 You might have missed your window to have children, but you can adopt or enjoy being involved in youth programs where you can still help shape their lives. No way have you missed your chance for a fulfilling relationship, marriage if you choose.
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Wow, 40 never married or had kids...not by choice is unusual for a female. Is your picker off? Career over road your priorities? wasted years on men who gave empty promises? Invested in married men?
Author mortensorchid Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Wow, 40 never married or had kids...not by choice is unusual for a female. Is your picker off? Career over road your priorities? wasted years on men who gave empty promises? Invested in married men? I did not waste time, in fact someone once classified me as a breeder. I'd never invested in anyone who didn't seem like an investment at the time but I ended up with guys who didn't want to commit, at least not to me. They committed to other women who they are now divorced from. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances, maybe I'm a bit too edgy for some but ... it's what it is.
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