TSElliot Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) Several months ago I met this guy at work who has been very helpful with me getting over a past relationship. Some time ago he began to tell me how much he cares for me and that he would be really interested in starting a relationship with me. I told him I'm very interested as well, but I couldn't because he has a girlfriend. He has told me on many occasions that their relationship is not strong and he wants to leave her, but would prefer she breaks up with him. He believes and has convinced me that it would be better because they both have children from previous marriages and there are feelings and emotions involved. This has been going on for four months now and they are still together. And now recently, I met a great guy who I have some chemistry with who is very interested in dating me. He is fantastic in that he is funny, successful, good looking, wants a family as I do and I feel very comfortable with him. Unfortunately, I don't feel I have as much chemistry with him as I do with the guy at work. It may seem crazy, but I can't help how I feel. I am a really patient woman and want things to work out with the guy from work, however I may realize in time I have made a huge mistake and lost both guys. What can I do? Help me! I'm so confused! Edited August 2, 2015 by TSElliot
Amalyn Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Guy at work is a coward. I wouldn't waste my time with him. 2
xcupid Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Several months ago I met this guy at work who has been very helpful with me getting over a past relationship. Some time ago he began to tell me how much he cares for me and that he would be really interested in starting a relationship with me. I told him I'm very interested as well, but I couldn't because he has a girlfriend. He has told me on many occasions that their relationship is not strong and he wants to leave her, but would prefer she breaks up with him. He believes and has convinced me that it would be better because they both have children from previous marriages and there are feelings and emotions involved. This has been going on for four months now and they are still together. And now recently, I met a great guy who I have some chemistry with who is very interested in dating me. He is fantastic in that he is funny, successful, good looking, wants a family as I do and I feel very comfortable with him. Unfortunately, I don't feel I have as much chemistry with him as I do with the guy at work. It may seem crazy, but I can't help how I feel. I am a really patient woman and want things to work out with the guy from work, however I may realize in time I have made a huge mistake and lost both guys. What can I do? Help me! I'm so confused! The guy at work is like the guy who's married and will never leave his wife even if he loves you. His reason for staying in the relationship is weak at best. Chemistry isn't the ONLY thing to consider in a relationship. I'd bet on the guy who's available, not the one who's already in a relationship. 1
Author TSElliot Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 I forgot to mention what an amazing father the guy at work is. It is so attractive to see him with his son! Again, it is so hard to fight the feelings you have for someone, but thank you for the feedback
Fleur de cactus Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 It does not matter and does not change anything. He may be a good looking, nice to you and a good father, but still he is not good for you. He is in a relationship he does not want to end. He has feelings for you but, you are wasting your time with him. He wants to keep you there, where he can reach on the hook, but he is lying to you about being serious with you.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 OP, have you and the guy from work had sex or any kind of intimacy in the months you've known one another?
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Give a firm deadline to the guy at work and stick to it. If he's still with her after the deadline move on and start dating others. Otherwise you could be waiting for him another 5 years.
Author TSElliot Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 No sex! I told him I wouldn't date him or sleep with him unless he was free and clear of his relationship. I thought that was the prudent thing to do, however this is dragging on too long! 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Good for you for holding your ground regarding no sex, that's more than most women would do in your situation and it's actually refreshing BUT this guy is more trouble than he's worth. He comes with HUGE baggage, not just a relationship but children as well. The fact that he's waiting for his girlfriend to break up the relationship is both pathetic and cowardly. I'm willing to bet that his relationship isn't nearly as bad as he's making it out to be. He's just a bit bored at the moment and finds you to be a nice distraction that is both new and exciting. Is that the kind of man you really want to be with? This sounds more like a case of wanting something you can't have. He's never going to leave his baby mama I'm afraid. Do yourself a favor and take a chance on the guy whose unattached. Good luck. 2
Amalyn Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 The guy at work is never going to leave his girlfriend. I don't care how good of a father he is. He's trying to have his cake and eat it too. If I were you, I'd serious give the other guy a chance. This is why so many guys think nice guys finish last.
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 The "My relationship is rocky" is the biggest ploy most adulterers use to have an affair. He is lying. If things were that bad, he would have left her. He won't leave because a) things are not really bad or wants it to work, and b) he still loves her. Your emotions for him are playing tricks on you.....psychologically we desire more what we can't have. Blame it on dopamine that is released in your brain every time you feel he is out of reach or going to lose him. As for the other guy, things will work out with him, if you emotionally detach yourself from your co-worker. The single guy will be your missed opportunity for happiness. Once you get rid of those emotions, you will be able to see more clearly, and will end up saying to yourself "what the hell was I thinking?!!" 1
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I forgot to mention what an amazing father the guy at work is. It is so attractive to see him with his son! Again, it is so hard to fight the feelings you have for someone, but thank you for the feedback I don't find anything attractive about a man that drags his child from relationship to relationship. What this man does to his current partner (emotional cheating) he will do on to you don't kid yourself. He probably did the same thing to his son's mother. This man is weak and is a user. 1
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Fast forward a few years, he leaves his gf for you, but his ex wife is always around, as she is the mother of his kids, she hates you, but you worry, is he still sleeping with her? He is round there a lot to see his kids supposedly, but... he is always texting her and his ex but when they say jump, he jumps. His son hates you too, as you split up his little family by sleeping with his father, he and his other kids want nothing to do with you. How can you be a good step mother when they all dislike you? Do you even want to take on a bunch of kids, do you even want to take on his ex wife and ex gf too, as they are all involved? He spends as much time with his son and his kids that he can, so all YOUR needs are put on hold. YOU have very little money, as he has to pay for his kids. You want children, but he is stalling as he already has one family and can he afford more kids? Does he even want more kids...? So forget "chemistry" and start looking at the practicality here IF he was to leave his gf for you - but as others have said that is highly unlikely. The best you can hope for here is OW status. Forget him and go enjoy your single man. 1
crederer Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 This is typical cheating type of behaviour. Just go look at the affair section of the board. Every single one of the stories is the exact same. "he loves me but cant leave his wife for reasons" "he'll do it eventually but he is waiting for the right time" "it's loveless and sexless but they're staying together for the kids....just for now though" "I know people have doubts about this but I know him and you don't, it's different from the other circumstances (no, it's not). People having affairs will tell their mistress whatever they believe they want to hear in order to keep it going. 2
Qboro90 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Why don't you start dating the other guy and give him a chance to build that chemistry with you. Sounds like he's got a lot to offer. The other guy is not going to break up with his girlfriend. If he wanted you that much he would've done it already. By seeing the other guy it will also show him that he can and is losing you. This might force him into action. If not and he can just let you go like that then you know he's not willing to make changes to be with you and have to let him go.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Forget the guy at work. All of his good qualities really don't mean a thing, because he is simply not available to you. Good for you for not getting any closer to him. There is also nothing attractive about taking the coward's way out and waiting for his girlfriend to break up with him. He sounds a like a total wuss, and he apparently lacks honesty and integrity. Give Guy 2 a chance. He sounds like he could be a great catch.
JulesB Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Feelings and chemistry can certainly lead you astray. In this case though you need to be rational and think seriously about your future. There is nothing but serious drama and disappointment ahead and that is if he leaves his girlfriend. If he doesn't it will just be frustration and heartache while the other guy slips away. I hate to say it, but quit being naive and really think about this!!
dpn4u Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Several months ago I met this guy at work who has been very helpful with me getting over a past relationship. Some time ago he began to tell me how much he cares for me and that he would be really interested in starting a relationship with me. I told him I'm very interested as well, but I couldn't because he has a girlfriend. He has told me on many occasions that their relationship is not strong and he wants to leave her, but would prefer she breaks up with him. He believes and has convinced me that it would be better because they both have children from previous marriages and there are feelings and emotions involved. This has been going on for four months now and they are still together. And now recently, I met a great guy who I have some chemistry with who is very interested in dating me. He is fantastic in that he is funny, successful, good looking, wants a family as I do and I feel very comfortable with him. Unfortunately, I don't feel I have as much chemistry with him as I do with the guy at work. It may seem crazy, but I can't help how I feel. I am a really patient woman and want things to work out with the guy from work, however I may realize in time I have made a huge mistake and lost both guys. What can I do? Help me! I'm so confused! Guy 1 is not going to leave her, way too invested. He's looking for a fling. Guy 2 you have less chemistry with now, but you might have a lot of chemistry if you spent more time with him. Remember you work with Guy 1 8 hours a day, but since he's not leaving his girlfriend (who may as well be his wife), stuff him squarely in the friend zone and give that up. You obviously have a crush on the guy at work and he is probably crushing back. Unfortunately he's never leaving his girlfriend. Give Guy 2 a chance. If there was no chemistry at all, I'd say wipe your slate clean and find someone entirely new, but there is something there. Guy 1 is dangerous to your emotional well being. It's easy to go from crush to love and that would be a disaster. Just don't do it! 1
Toodaloo Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Guy 1. Pillock. Ditch him and move on he is playing on your emotions. Guy 2. Sounds great! try to forget about the "chemistry" with Guy one and see if forgetting about him increases desire for guy 2... I like guy 2. 1
No Limit Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Have you had sex with your co-worker? If yes, then you know what he wanted from you - and he got it. That's really all there is to it.
MateySikes Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 If he waits for her to break things off he is a "Chicken****" of the worst kind! What could possibly benefit her or those kids by waiting all those months for her to do the deed? Emotions?! Please!! The children have now had these extra months to get closer to one another and the respective parents! If by some miracle this actually does go down the way he has supposedly planned it then this will be yet another huge event for these kids to deal with. And you will be caught in the middle with kids who despise you and evil ex's who have also been manipulated by this man. You don't need to walk away from this...you need to run!!!
SandraTempleton Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 What about option C, neither guy. Sounds like the guy at work is keeping you on the hook in case things with his wife fall apart for some reason. Not that it sounds like he has made any clear move to leave her and be with you. I think it's cowardly that he wants her to be the one to end things and won't just grow a pair and tell her himself that this isn't working for him. Which makes me think he's not planning to leave. From the way you talk about the second guy, I don't feel like you are all that into him. Maybe being with him is preferable to you to being alone? If that's the case, do both of yourselves a favor and don't pursue it.
Leigh 87 Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 I would not pick either. I would go find the chemistry you have with guy one, with an AVAILABLE guy. I know plenty of people who married the guy they had the highest chemistry with. You're spending your life with the right guy.... at least make sure that is starts with as much natural chemistry possible ! Whenever I give a lower chemistry guy a shot. ..The chemistry NEVER becomes as intense or strong as I was with these men with whom I had a stronger initial spark with ! Trust me if guy one were to leave his girl for good, you would drop guy 2 like a hot potato! Chemistry matters. The higher the chemistry, the stronger the "in love " feeling and the happier you feel with said partner. Providing of course they are also kind people and you're otherwise compatible!
JulesB Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 How can she have any chemistry with Guy #2 if she is pining for #1? Let the guy at work go and see if there is actually any chemistry with #2. You might be surprised!! If still no, you're going to be way better off than you are now and will find Mr. Right much easier!
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