loveflower Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) Ok. I met this person over coffee to discuss some kind of language conversation exchange 3 years ago. During our conversation, he mentioned he and his gf on a vacation. I felt he was super aware/attune to my reaction when he first mentioned his gf. Of course I don't think I had any reaction. then, later he declined the exchange in an email because he thought I didn't have the accent he wanted, but he mentioned he could teach me some tricks and ideas and he also said meet me in a social event we both are members. I didn't take it well. I couldn't believe I spent all those years in school learning the official language(not my native tongue though) of my original country but now turned out not even good enough to teach a foreigner. I didn't address his suggestions, only saying he could just go to the event, it's free for everyone. of course I didn't go either. so, that was that. I later learnt from Linkedin or something he soon went to another region of my home country. but I NEVER really thought about him at all. after all there was NOTHING to think about. He had a gf. even most likely he broke up with his gf( what kind of girl could stand separate from her bf ocean apart for such a long time?) hey, there were so tons of girl in my home region. Then, suddenly, bamn, I found him visited my profile(a local social website that you can see who visited you). oh, so I learnt he came back after 2 years. and also got his master while working there. so I went for the monthly social event and saw him there the second time after 2 years!!! He came closer and closer to my part of the restaurant but talked to another girl instead. I went with my female friend. I got bored with the event and walked right passed him. he didn't look at me when I walked pass by him. I didn't look at him and say hi to him either I asked my female friend what she thinks about him. she only said he looked so young!!! (damn so she meant I am much older than him? but people generally think I look 10 years younger than my age. she knows my age though) I was deflated. I knew he was single by then. (I saw him subscribe to a single group) We went to the event the next month. He didn't come over to talk to me. but he didn't dare to walk pass by me when I talked to other people blocking the exit hallway. he was behind me and the person I talked to seem to notice him and looked at me in a very strange way. maybe that person noticed him looked at me in someway? he just went back to talk to other people. Then I found he visited my profile again! then........long story...a couple months later. I got layoff and never want to go to any of the monthly event. then months later I went to a festival with friends and suddenly saw him there. I don't know if he noticed me there. then a couple week later, I went to swimming and suddenly saw someone who looked like him in the hall, I quickly turn to the service desk. I was in drag and no makeup or anything. I don't want to be seen like that. then a few weeks later, I learnt he went to a very remote and cold city. and who knows when he will come back!!! and now I find myself can't stop thinking about him! help!!!! because I find this guy infinitely fascinating and attractive: 1. he spent 4 years working in my home country in the last 10 years. while I only spent a few weeks in the last 2 decades. but hey I was borne there and finished high school there. there is noway he knows more about my culture than me. 2. he speak my home country's official language, allegedly in more proper accent than me. but this person is multilingual. he also speak Russian, Faris, etc... I lost count how many languages he speaks. 3. He has been traveled around the world and lived in many places. 4. he is in a profession I used to dream of when I was in U, but don't think I could get accepted so I never even bothered to apply. He is extremely intelligent. 5. He is good looking and masculine. he is not very handsome in conventional way, but I love the way he looks. the profile he put up on fb...every time I look at his pic I feel like the sound of siren. He has thick eyebrow, gorge, and thick lip, but still managed to have some boyish feel while at the same time masculine. I feel very inadequate compare with him, so I should just run....but how can I forget someone like him? and what can I do about it now? I am so mentally messy up. should I only blame myself for this? because I am so easy to fall like this? but I didn't think about him at all until he came back and checked my profile twice. I think he is 'devilish'. Don't you think? Edited August 2, 2015 by loveflower
Author loveflower Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) God, how can I not to think about someone like him???!!! do you think he used to like me a bit? I think he 'moved on' any how. any help, please? sorry for the long read. Edited August 2, 2015 by loveflower
Got it Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Why all the waiting? If you want to talk to him, reach out. Ugh, stop with all this pussy footing around! Sounds exhausting and pointless.
Author loveflower Posted August 3, 2015 Author Posted August 3, 2015 (edited) Why all the waiting? If you want to talk to him, reach out. Ugh, stop with all this pussy footing around! Sounds exhausting and pointless. If I am confident and about the same age as him, I probably would. Did he want to talk to me? if so, he was pussy footing too... anyway, he is not even in this city anymore. why? he went from one extreme hot place to another extreme cold place in a little over a year. one more reason this person is very fascinating. I guess I just read too much into his visiting of profile. I just need to not to think about this person anymore. but damn, it's hard. I think I am leaving the city and move to US for job for good. so will never see him again even if he moves back. Edited August 3, 2015 by loveflower
Qboro90 Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I'm a bit blown away that you would not make the first move even to just say hello to this man when you had so many opportunities to at these events. You wasted and blew you chances hoping he would come talk to you when in fact you could've just went up and said "omg hiii... I didn't even recognize you!!". Go after the things you want instead of waiting for them to fall in your lap. 2
Got it Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 If I am confident and about the same age as him, I probably would. Did he want to talk to me? if so, he was pussy footing too... anyway, he is not even in this city anymore. why? he went from one extreme hot place to another extreme cold place in a little over a year. one more reason this person is very fascinating. I guess I just read too much into his visiting of profile. I just need to not to think about this person anymore. but damn, it's hard. I think I am leaving the city and move to US for job for good. so will never see him again even if he moves back. Then take it as a hard lesson learned on carpe diem. Life is what you make of it. If you act like a bystander you will miss many amazing things. Be brave. Be fearless.
Author loveflower Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 Then take it as a hard lesson learned on carpe diem. Life is what you make of it. If you act like a bystander you will miss many amazing things. Be brave. Be fearless. Alright...I am lame...but if he really likes me, he surely can do more? I am now listening to songs my of native languages and this makes me think of him...he is the only western guy I know who knows both of my native languages and cultures...this makes me feel like I can really talk and share with him I really want to know his experience spending all those years there. what he thinks of my home city, my region? too bad...I was lame. I hope I am lame no more:(
Qboro90 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Alright...I am lame...but if he really likes me, he surely can do more? I am now listening to songs my of native languages and this makes me think of him...he is the only western guy I know who knows both of my native languages and cultures...this makes me feel like I can really talk and share with him I really want to know his experience spending all those years there. what he thinks of my home city, my region? too bad...I was lame. I hope I am lame no more:( Saying "you hope you're not lame no more" isn't the right answer. YOU are in complete control of whether or not you interact with someone you're interested in. Thinking with the mentality "if he really likes me he will do more and he will come talk to me" will leave you just how you are. Regretting missed opportunities. Fate brought this guy back and placed you in the same room not once, not twice, but multiple times in order to present you with an opportunity. You failed to seize those opportunities and I'm guessing it's not the first time you've been too passive and afraid of rejection. Chances are you won't ever see this guy again. Lesson learned that you may only have 1 chance at something or someone.
Got it Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Alright...I am lame...but if he really likes me, he surely can do more? I am now listening to songs my of native languages and this makes me think of him...he is the only western guy I know who knows both of my native languages and cultures...this makes me feel like I can really talk and share with him I really want to know his experience spending all those years there. what he thinks of my home city, my region? too bad...I was lame. I hope I am lame no more:( Again, if you like him wouldn't you surely do more???? Why is the onus on him? You desire him, go after what you desire. Worst thing that could happen, you find out that he doesn't fancy you in the same manner. Which, to me, is far less painful than this limbo craziness that you are living in. I really think you are creating this fantasy relationship/man in your head with little actual input/interaction from him. Stop! Move on. There is no relationship here. Stop living in your head and get your feet grounded. If you really want to pursue things with him, contact him.
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