brok3npromise Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 wtf are you talkin about? sex is not a big deal. you just do it. what is there to freak out about? only a woman would think of sex this way. its classic female cling behavior. if i bang a girl, i dont want her up my ass all day the next day with texts and phone calls. i dont want to talk on ever break i get at work. ill call when i get ready. the clingy behavior will ruin the relationship. dont believe me just watch. Well you certainly are a serious catch. Let me guess, still single?
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Yeah i cant relate to the freak out move. I thnk OP just needs to reman cool and wait it out. I dunno, maybe a lot of people dont text the next day anymore. It's not about texting the next day, it's about the change in behavior. Up until this point, they were texting back and forth all day. Now that it's "gone down" his behavior changed immediately and she noticed it. Trust me, I'm that asswhole. Girls notice that change immediately. A better player would have planned accordingly. 1
jay1983 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Mongo, I don't think she's being clingy. I think she's a little hurt cause she liked the guy and she's wondering what's going on. Which is normal. Herenorthere I don't know man, in would've sent a text the next morning that said "hey boo" if it's like you say, he's worried about being clingy then he must really be in love or something. 1
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) I'm curious then how you're so convinced about this one particular guy? Convinced of what? Did you not read my post wherein I told her I thought she got played (post 34)? Which I am not convinced of either ....just my opinion based in what she's written so far. All I am saying is that not all men will respond/react the same way after sex. Some might freak out, over-think, become anxious, who knows. I don't think that is what happened here though ...but I could be wrong of course. Edit: Him calling her "my little biscuit," does not sound like a man who is freaking out. Sounds like something a *player* would say...or something a boyfriend would say...whom you've been dating awhile. This man is not her boyfriend, and in fact has expressed no interest in even seeing her again. She's not his *little biscuit, " please. He's full of crap. Again jmo though. Edited August 2, 2015 by katiegrl
aloneinaz Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I think the OP needs to relax, take a breath and see what transpires with this guy. Don't contact him again either. I agree that it's kind of a douche move for the guy to sleep with her for the first time and then ignore her the day after. If the OP doesn't hear from him again, oh well.. It's the chance we all take. Also, from my experiences in dating in between R/S's since my divorce 8 years ago, I'd say the avg. dates before sex was 2-3 with several happening on the first night. This is people dating in their 40's as well. As a guy, did I think the girl was "easy" if she slept with me the first night? Hell no. Sometimes the chemistry and connection is such that it just happens. I ALWAYS contacted them the next day to let them know I had a great time and see where it went. I dated one gal for 1.5 years after 1st date sex. Maybe the amount of dates are more for younger folks in their 20's or 30's though I doubt it. I heard and read the average time before first sex was 3-4. Also, to the one posters point, there's NO way I wait 20 dates before I slept with a girl for the first time... EVER.. I think the most I waited was 4 dates. I hope the OP updates this thread with any developments.
Photofinish Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) Everybody on this thread, No, sleeping with guys on first dates is fine! I was with my EX for x amount of years and we had sex on our first date! ex.. Ex. EX Edited August 2, 2015 by Photofinish
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Everybody on this thread, No, sleeping with guys on first dates is fine! I was with my EX for x amount of years and we had sex on our first date! ex.. Ex. EX Nah, sometimes it happens and it works out, but it's not good form. As long as both people are in agreement, there's nothing morally wrong with it. Take it from a dude, it's not good to get in a habit of. Still, it happens and generally doesn't change much, but it's definitely not what you SHOULD do. Hence, ex, ex, ex lol. 2
jay1983 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Everybody on this thread, No, sleeping with guys on first dates is fine! I was with my EX for x amount of years and we had sex on our first date! ex..red Ex. EX Take from an understanding sympathic type guy. Us guys who think it isn't fine, we're going by life experiences. Past experiences which form that opinion, it isn't just a "men yes, women no" mind set. It comes from what we've seen and experienced. I think it's a good thing that women don't let men in too easily. i wish men had the same type of discipline women have. 2
ascendotum Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Mongo, I don't think she's being clingy. I think she's a little hurt cause she liked the guy and she's wondering what's going on. Which is normal. Herenorthere I don't know man, in would've sent a text the next morning that said "hey boo" if it's like you say, he's worried about being clingy then he must really be in love or something. I dont think she is being clingy either with that txt she sent him, but I do think she is getting too stressed out over not hearing from this guy for half a day or whatever it is, especially when he was up half the night + also has brain (tiredness?) issues. Its nice to be in touch with the girl the next day to reassure her nothings changed (if thats his intention), but need to freak out unless its a couple of days imo.
Author michellew Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 She's not clingy, she's doing doing the female version of what he's doing - freaking out. It's totally naturally and both men and women so it. It's just really, really important to give people their space when their doing it because your emotional footprint is sooooo much larger when the other person is already stressed. Sex is the craziest drug ever. The high is great, but the comedown is maddening. Plus, let's face it it, it's a power play this early in the game. She exchanged some of her control and so did he. Man, it messes you up. Look, I am that dude. I freak out nearly every single time. I'm in my 30s now and I've learned how to navigate it, but it still effects me. And I want to set the record straight with other people on this thread - If you're judging her and saying she "gave it up too soon" go eff yourself. Take your bible, the blanket your mommy gave you and go back to Utah with your cousins where you can breed in peace. She didn't do anything wrong and 4 dates is totally respectable. How dare any man here ever judge a woman like that. Half you mofos would eff a warm glass a water if it was willing (and the other half would just Bill Cosby it and wait till said glass off water fell asleep). Ain't nobody here better than her and she didn't do anything wrong. She's just freaked outand rightfully so. You might want watch that glass house you're living in. Mic drop Herenorthere, I think I'd rather date you. lol I'm fine now. Went out with my friends and had a blast. Meanwhile he was texting me and even hinted for an invite, but I ignored it. I am really starting to think he is a bit socially off after his accident and is getting reaccustomed to the traditional dating scene.
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) AEverybody on this thread, No, sleeping with guys on first dates is fine! I was with my EX for x amount of years and we had sex on our first date! ex.. Ex. EX This does not make sense to me. Since you were with your ex for YEARS, one would presume you had a good relationship, at least for awhile. But after x amount of years, let's say TEN years, the relationship broke down and you broke up. Are you suggesting that had you NOT had sex on your first date, ten years prior, you would not have broken up? After being together ten years? Really? My boyfriend and I had sex the first night we met, and are still happily together five + years later. If, god forbid, our relationship broke down tomorrow, or next year, or in another five years or 20 years, I assure you it wouldn't be because we had sex the first night we met five years ago. If anything, that early connection we felt (which is why sex happened so fast in the first place) is a bond between us that will never go away, and which we often revisit when times become a little mundane, which they tend to do from time to time in any long term relationships. Edited August 2, 2015 by katiegrl 2
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Herenorthere, I think I'd rather date you. lol I'm fine now. Went out with my friends and had a blast. Meanwhile he was texting me and even hinted for an invite, but I ignored it. I am really starting to think he is a bit socially off after his accident and is getting reaccustomed to the traditional dating scene. No, you'd rather date me NOW. Trust me, I had to leave a trail of broken hearts before I figured this part out about myself. I'm a lil past 30 now and filled with regret about how I acted. I've actually gone back through the "black book" and made amends as best as I could and I've also learned a lot about people and psychology since then. Funny part is that I own the dating game now, but the mystery is gone now. There's something paradoxical about being able to have whatever you want, you don't really want it anymore. It's the same reason Kurt Cobain killed himself. However, it's such a blessing to be able to see everything as it truly is. When I was a broke college kid who couldn't get laid to save his life, everything seemed so alluring. Now that I'm 30, career, money, looks (money helps, but I'm very blessed with a baby face) it's not the same. For the first time, there are no rose colored glasses for me. I simply see things for how they really are bad breath and menstrual blood stains on comforter and all lol. Still, I wouldn't trade it because I'd rather live an authentic life, no matter how harsh, cruel and kinda disgusting it really is. That's just part of who I am. Michelle W, the world is your oyster, but you can't let these haters decide your value for you. If this dude eff'd you over, good, because it's a good way to weed out the losers. A man who has real value doesn't have to be an opportunist and take advantage for something as easy to get as sex. Only a desperate dude would go 4 dates with a girl to get laid. That's a lot of work for some sex and you gotta be pretty thirsty to go through all that for that. 2
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Still, mark my words, you keep your value and still play hard to get, he'll still be around. I didn't say he's worth it, it's just obvious that you guys aren't done. He's testing your boundaries to see if you're a booty call girl or if he's gonna have to work for it. Only you can decide what your boundaries are and whether or not you allow people to treat you poorly. You and only YOU have to teach these people how to treat you. If you give an inch, don't let em take a mile. You set your boundaries and if they have a problem with that, I hope the door doesn't em in the arse on the way out. 3
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 For my international friends, an edit - You and only YOU have to teach these people how to treat you. If you give a centimeter don't let em take a meter. You set your boundaries and if they have a problem with that, I hope the door doesn't em in the arse on the way out.
guest569 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 For my international friends, an edit - You and only YOU have to teach these people how to treat you. If you give a centimetre don't let em take a metre. You set your boundaries and if they have a problem with that, I hope the door doesn't em in the arse on the way out.here you go
mike_89 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Slept with someone I've been dating for first time last night (4th date) and he hasn't texted or called today. We've had a great time over the past couple of weeks. I put my guard down and definitely didn't see this coming at all. It hasn't even been a full day yet. For real. Don't be so insecure, if he is into you he will still seek contact with you the coming days, just wait it out or text him yourself if you are so impatient. This is what happens when a woman sleeps with a guy too soon, sorry to say. Wtf. You think if the guy was just out for sex he'd magically want a relationship if she only slept with him after the 10th date instead of the 4th? Most guys would just endure the wait, while dating other girls on the side, just to close the deal. Sex is not a bargaining chip or a way to magically glue guys to yourself, women who treat sex this way end up chasing great guys away. 1
veggirl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I think all grown men know they should contact a woman the day after sex! (if they are interested in her). Since you already contacted him and have had some back & forth, I'd just sit back and wait for him to ask you out again! GL
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 For my international friends, an edit - You and only YOU have to teach these people how to treat you. If you give a centimeter don't let em take a kilometer. You set your boundaries and if they have a problem with that, I hope the door doesn't em in the arse on the way out. Fixed it for you. (Inch is to Mile what CM is to KM.)
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 seeking validation is all shes doing. And if he were a man he would give her that validation even before she has time to build insecurities. A man, a real one, will text or call his lady the following day. Even my FWB called or text the following day, it's a show of respect. Unfortunately not all men have read the 'perfect gentleman' guide book. It doesn't mean they're not worth keeping, it means they're worth being put on probation for observation. OP hon, you did nothing wrong. You did your part now it's time to sit tight and wait for him to get back to you. Men are really weird animals and some of them get their feathers fluffed after intimacy and they just need some cave time. It's not about you, it's about him.
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 you gotta be joking. perfect gentlemen lol. hear that guys? do exactly what she tells ya when she tells ya. you dont understand. giving a woman too much validation ruins everything. notice how this guy texted back but hes focusing on his business for the day. you want control of everything but you want a real man. you make no sense. If I had sex with you it means I've welcomed you into my home, I let you into my private life, I've opened to you a part of me that is kept for close people like family and friends. The ONLY action of welcoming you in my home deserves a note from you the following day, sex or not. If you don't understand that then your parents have done a very poor job at raising you. If basic politeness is 'too much' validation to you then you may want to revisit your basic human values. Your comment about wanting to control everything because I expect basic politeness the following day of sex (or not) is what makes no sense. 2
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 you still dont get what im saying. if i want to call her the next day i will, if i dont ill call 2 days later, specially if im off enjoying myself or something...eventually ill call...its not total negligence. Oh I get what you're saying. You are saying you only do as you wish and have no empathy for people around you. If someone invites you over to their home you make the time to send them a note the following day. Sex or not. That is basic courtesy whether you agree or not or whether it's been taught to you or not, it's still basic courtesy that's expected. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I only read a couple of pages. OP if he was in it to be casual there is nothing you can do. The best course of action is not to text him and see what happens. As to the eternal when to have sex dilemma. If one really wants to avoid to be hit and quit, the only way to do that is to wait and also observe his behavior during that time , I.e how much does he invest emotionally financially and time wise. I agree with Jay on that one. Men who chase you to the end of the world and back and then quit are rare. And you can usually tell if they are not sincere. Time is your best friend as a woman. Sure you can sleep with the guy at the first date and get married but it's a crapshoot and it would have happened anyway. If your goal is to avoid being in this situation, just wait. What's the rush? If you're cool with casual sex then it won't matter too much except some guys will judge you.
Author michellew Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Oh I get what you're saying. You are saying you only do as you wish and have no empathy for people around you. If someone invites you over to their home you make the time to send them a note the following day. Sex or not. That is basic courtesy whether you agree or not or whether it's been taught to you or not, it's still basic courtesy that's expected. Just ignore him, Gaeta. I am. From the looks of his posts, he is clearly selfish and has a lot to learn in life. I'd never take his advice, nor do I take it personal. 2
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