katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) My friend slept with her boyfriend on the first date and now, they have been dating for 3 years and planning to get married. So it doesn't apply to /every/ guy, I guess. But it depends on the context; Where did you meet him? Did you know each other before you dated or were you both friends? If you both had a strong foundation before, it will become less likely that he is pursuing you for sex. Dating sites and blind dates are risky though. You should not have shown you are more emotionally invested in the relationship or he will pull away. @Katiegrl: Is there any way of distinguishing a guy that is for real or wants a challenge to get a girl into bed? I don't think so hon, unfortunately. It's all a risk. Just be yourself, do whatever YOU feel comfortable doing, try not to have too many expectations (if any) for awile ...maintain your independence, manage your emotions ...and let the chips fall where they may. Never try to be anything or anyone other than who you truly are in order to please some guy and "get" him to stick around. If you like him, it is okay to convey that by being open and responsive to his pursuit, and reciprocating. That does not mean calling/texting five times a day ...and doing all the initiating. Just be open and responsive to HIS pursuit, don't flake and be consistent! Have sex when YOU are comfortable doing so and when it feels right for YOU! If he sticks around after, is consistent in HIS actions, chances are he is into you and not a player. If he disappears afterwards, then he probably is and you are better off without him anyway! I have learned no matter how long you wait, no matter how many *talks* you have about your feelings, goals, etc., there are never ever any guarantees! You need a thick skin in this dating business.... it's not easy and often times difficult to navigate. Edited August 2, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Ruby Slippers Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 IMO, a guy who doesn't even care enough to contact you at all the day after you have sex for the first time is not in any way, shape, or form a keeper. 2
jay1983 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Well I guess I can only speak for myself and guys like me. If a girl put out the first night, I would think she's easy, has slept with a lot of guys and would easily sleep with someone other than me. If I only wanted sex from the get go, I'm not gonna take her out and spend on her 20 times. If I didn't like her, I can't stomach that much time with her. And Why would I do that when there are other girls who put out way sooner? But hey not every shoe fits blah blah blah. 1
guest569 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Well I guess I can only speak for myself and guys like me. If a girl put out the first night, I would think she's easy, has slept with a lot of guys and would easily sleep with someone other than me. Would that also be true about you? She will think the same of you. And what are the implications? This was a fourth date though, I think its reasonable to hear the next day.
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 clingy much? this wont last long... She's not clingy, she's doing doing the female version of what he's doing - freaking out. It's totally naturally and both men and women so it. It's just really, really important to give people their space when their doing it because your emotional footprint is sooooo much larger when the other person is already stressed. Sex is the craziest drug ever. The high is great, but the comedown is maddening. Plus, let's face it it, it's a power play this early in the game. She exchanged some of her control and so did he. Man, it messes you up. Look, I am that dude. I freak out nearly every single time. I'm in my 30s now and I've learned how to navigate it, but it still effects me. And I want to set the record straight with other people on this thread - If you're judging her and saying she "gave it up too soon" go eff yourself. Take your bible, the blanket your mommy gave you and go back to Utah with your cousins where you can breed in peace. She didn't do anything wrong and 4 dates is totally respectable. How dare any man here ever judge a woman like that. Half you mofos would eff a warm glass a water if it was willing (and the other half would just Bill Cosby it and wait till said glass off water fell asleep). Ain't nobody here better than her and she didn't do anything wrong. She's just freaked outand rightfully so. You might want watch that glass house you're living in. Mic drop 9
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Would that also be true about you? She will think the same of you. And what are the implications? This was a fourth date though, I think its reasonable to hear the next day. I've assumed it to be true about guys I've slept with early on, but I've made no judgements about them. But I understand that many will, so I take the risk accordingly.
jay1983 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Would that also be true about you? She will think the same of you. And what are the implications? This was a fourth date though, I think its reasonable to hear the next day. There's male/female biology and psychology behind, but I don't feel like getting into that. She has every right to think whatever she wants. If I like the gal I'd contact her the day after sex for sure. 1
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 IMO, a guy who doesn't even care enough to contact you at all the day after you have sex for the first time is not in any way, shape, or form a keeper. It's definitely not a great sign that's for sure. Even though my bf and I had sex the first night we met, he called the next day and asked me out for that night. ...and we've been together ever since. And him referring to you as "my little little biscuit"? Ugh. You have had only four dates and he did not even have the courtesy to call after sex .... he wasn't being playful, he was being a *smooth talker*, and talk means jack shyt if not followed up by actions. What do his actions tell you? He did not text/call you after sex, and when you texted him, he calls you "my little biscuit " but gives no indication of getting together again and then drops off! I would next him hon....seriously. I think you got played, I'm sorry! 1
MidwestUSA Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 She's not clingy, she's doing doing the female version of what he's doing - freaking out. It's totally naturally and both men and women so it. It's just really, really important to give people their space when their doing it because your emotional footprint is sooooo much larger when the other person is already stressed. Sex is the craziest drug ever. The high is great, but the comedown is maddening. Plus, let's face it it, it's a power play this early in the game. She exchanged some of her control and so did he. Man, it messes you up. Look, I am that dude. I freak out nearly every single time. I'm in my 30s now and I've learned how to navigate it, but it still effects me. And I want to set the record straight with other people on this thread - If you're judging her and saying she "gave it up too soon" go eff yourself. Take your bible, the blanket your mommy gave you and go back to Utah with your cousins where you can breed in peace. She didn't do anything wrong and 4 dates is totally respectable. How dare any man here ever judge a woman like that. Half you mofos would eff a warm glass a water if it was willing (and the other half would just Bill Cosby it and wait till said glass off water fell asleep). Ain't nobody here better than her and she didn't do anything wrong. She's just freaked outand rightfully so. You might want watch that glass house you're living in. Mic drop OMG, you can so totally haz cheezburger now!! Spot on.
guest569 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I just find it odd that its all about women jumping into bed too soon, as though the man has no control over it and is not judged for it. 2
Amalyn Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 And I want to set the record straight with other people on this thread - If you're judging her and saying she "gave it up too soon" go eff yourself. Take your bible, the blanket your mommy gave you and go back to Utah with your cousins where you can breed in peace. She didn't do anything wrong and 4 dates is totally respectable. How dare any man here ever judge a woman like that. Half you mofos would eff a warm glass a water if it was willing (and the other half would just Bill Cosby it and wait till said glass off water fell asleep). Ain't nobody here better than her and she didn't do anything wrong. She's just freaked outand rightfully so. You might want watch that glass house you're living in. Mic drop This is perfect. OP did nothing wrong. 1
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 She's not clingy, she's doing doing the female version of what he's doing - freaking out. It's totally naturally and both men and women so it. It's just really, really important to give people their space when their doing it because your emotional footprint is sooooo much larger when the other person is already stressed. Sex is the craziest drug ever. The high is great, but the comedown is maddening. Plus, let's face it it, it's a power play this early in the game. She exchanged some of her control and so did he. Man, it messes you up. Look, I am that dude. I freak out nearly every single time. I'm in my 30s now and I've learned how to navigate it, but it still effects me. And I want to set the record straight with other people on this thread - If you're judging her and saying she "gave it up too soon" go eff yourself. Take your bible, the blanket your mommy gave you and go back to Utah with your cousins where you can breed in peace. She didn't do anything wrong and 4 dates is totally respectable. How dare any man here ever judge a woman like that. Half you mofos would eff a warm glass a water if it was willing (and the other half would just Bill Cosby it and wait till said glass off water fell asleep). Ain't nobody here better than her and she didn't do anything wrong. She's just freaked outand rightfully so. You might want watch that glass house you're living in. Mic drop That was most enlightening ...thank you! I just learned something about men I never knew before.... specifically about the *freak out* after sex. Never knew that! 1
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I just find it odd that its all about women jumping into bed too soon, as though the man has no control over it and is not judged for it. Ur offering plzs kitty kthxbai 1
guest569 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Ur offering plzs kitty kthxbai ?? I dont understand
MidwestUSA Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 wtf are you talkin about? sex is not a big deal. you just do it. what is there to freak out about? only a woman would think of sex this way. its classic female cling behavior. if i bang a girl, i dont want her up my ass all day the next day with texts and phone calls. i dont want to talk on ever break i get at work. ill call when i get ready. the clingy behavior will ruin the relationship. dont believe me just watch. Wow, you are quite the catch! 5
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 ?? I dont understand Oops, I hit the wrong quote button. That was for my cheezburgr from Midwest 2
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 wtf are you talkin about? sex is not a big deal. you just do it. what is there to freak out about? only a woman would think of sex this way. its classic female cling behavior. if i bang a girl, i dont want her up my ass all day the next day with texts and phone calls. i dont want to talk on ever break i get at work. ill call when i get ready. the clingy behavior will ruin the relationship. dont believe me just watch. You sound really nice! 2
jay1983 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Only time I've ever freaked out after sex was after my first time. Lol 1
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Oddly, I do! Your offering still plzs me https://catmacros.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/pleasedkitty.jpg 1
jay1983 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 wtf are you talkin about? sex is not a big deal. you just do it. what is there to freak out about? only a woman would think of sex this way. its classic female cling behavior. if i bang a girl, i dont want her up my ass all day the next day with texts and phone calls. i dont want to talk on ever break i get at work. ill call when i get ready. the clingy behavior will ruin the relationship. dont believe me just watch. Okay now you're that guy who always makes threads complaining that you can't get girls, right? 7
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Only time I've ever freaked out after sex was after my first time. Lol Again, one size does not fit all. Every man is different and as such will respond differently...
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Okay now you're that guy who always makes threads complaining that you can't get girls, right? LOL ....excellent point! 1
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Again, one size does not fit all. Every man is different and as such will respond differently... I'm curious then how you're so convinced about this one particular guy?
guest569 Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Yeah i cant relate to the freak out move. I thnk OP just needs to reman cool and wait it out. I dunno, maybe a lot of people dont text the next day anymore. 1
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